Where’s Kai?


I know that some of you have probably wondered, “where is Kai?”  I’m here. Somewhat in varying degrees of dimensions of what ‘here’ is. I haven’t been on Facebook a lot. Here and there I’ll post but I am in a state of learning and have pulled myself away to get the best education that I possibly can. I’m doing my internal work still, but on a different level.  I haven’t written much because as soon as I think I know a thing I am then charged to bring that level of knowledge, school of thought, or idea even higher. I realize how much I know nothing. How does one speak on things unknown to its fullest. Even now I feel like I’m babbling. I have been in a class of in-depth innerstanding since February of this year. I had planned from October to December of 2017 to do some major things in 2018 and those plans were laid to rest or pushed aside to become more aware of self and Spirituality. I am compelled to dive deeper and go within even more than I ever have.

On Instagram (which I know sounds crazy) but by regranning or sharing most of what I am learning and gathering from the posts of some enlightened souls, I’ve found a sort of refuge. These souls, are relevant to my own innerstanding and have delved into the depths of the mysticisms of their own psyche and schools of thought to find truth by experience. As I type, I find myself forming thoughts about the conversations that I’ve had on Conversations With Kai Mann these past two years and come to the conclusion that now, those conversations do not even begin to scratch the surface of where I am to go now. They were stepping stones to the reality of transformation but transformation as we know it has many levels and its time to take my quest even further. So I sit, get quiet and learn.

I perceive that learning is ever present, it is never ‘all’ or ‘done’ it lasts throughout eternity as we go from one transition or incarnation to another. I find lessons in everything that I do because I look for the lesson in everything that I do. Even in the mundane.  It is all school for thought to be taught from different angles and perspectives.

I’ve stopped most of what I was doing so that I could focus. Outside of a couple of clients I’ve taken life back old school. I knew that I needed a fresh start so I threw away the old canvas, well not really threw it away, I just put it down in the basement so to speak and bought a new canvas.  I’m still thinking if I should throw the old one away but I have started completely over.  I wanted my outer work to reflect  my inner work. I innerstand that I have got to get my house in order. Now earlier, I said that I took it back old school. I’m going to share my truths with you so that you can fully understand because bits and pieces of the truth will only complicate and confuse the lessons.

In February, I delved even deeper into working on my work. I knew that meant that I needed to work on my thinking. The way I have thought over the years have changed me in ways that I don’t recognize or care to take into my future. My inner world had begun to show outwardly and what I saw, I wasn’t too fond of.  I had built walls up from past hurts. I wasn’t that deeply rooted in love spiritually person I had once been. More aloof than ever, energy fully drained and not as focused in areas where I needed to be. Some of my thoughts were immature and unfinished, and I walked around using those thoughts as foundations for major decisions. I decided that I needed to do some things differently and on the next blog post I’ll begin to share exactly what those were.

Why am I’m writing these blogs? Well, I’ve decided to use my blog as an open journal to speak in truth about my transformational journey.  Join me if you’d like.

flyers;

Waldo-Regranned from Eternal Skies

Consciousness- Regranned from Raise The Vibe Tribe

Don’t Get Sucked In


me, GROWING AND PROUD OF MYSELF.

This morning I sit and create with the thoughts that God gave me. I am reminded of two videos I started working on for a client late yesterday and how to top them off. And then, my thoughts go to a meeting that I have on Monday. At the end of this meeting we get to talk about what good thing happened to us since the last meeting. I contemplate how I have been privy to see people’s real intentions as of late. Although it’s been longer than 30 days this entire year so far has been about communication. Mainly mine. Preparation began for this during the third quarter of 2017 where the focus was on Self talk, Self-expression, how I communicate with others and respond to their actions. I’ve been privileged to see people for who they really are but the key hasn’t been about them but about me. What will I do with the information and how will I react. Knowing someone’s real intentions or feelings and not reacting with hate, malice, or judgement of their thoughts, actions, or intentions tells more about you than them. These past 30 days has been allowing this knowledge to turn into wisdom.

Late last year a private email of a co-worker was somehow sent to me. It was an email between herself and her fiancé about me “acting black”. I was hurt and felt a bit disturbed because I had not seen this coming. Was I distracted? How did I not know that she felt some kind of way about black people? She and I laugh together, finish each other’s songs and watch some of the same shows together that have mostly black characters. When I checked my email when I got in the office that morning, I remember sitting and reading it over and over. I originally thought that she meant to forward the email to someone else in the office, but I thought “no”, because that person has blacks in their family, so I don’t think that it was meant for them. When she came in the office I calmly waited for her to get situated after we said, “Good morning” and then I asked if she had anything that she wanted to tell me. She said “No.” I then forwarded her email back to her and asked her to check her email. She did and instead of speaking with me about it she immediately went to our boss. I felt slighted once again, like why couldn’t you and I just talk about this. Maybe she thought that I was going to fly off the handle. I didn’t. I was shook but I realized that I had been prepared for this the night before when speaking to a friend about something she was creating called “Just say it”.  My friend created a platform called “Just say it” where people can have a safe space to just say how they really feel. She felt that this was a way for us to begin to learn about how we really feel and about others and how they feel. She thought it was a way for all of us to heal and I agreed so which meant if I really felt that way this situation I found myself currently in would allow for me to react in a different manner and so, I did.

I’ve previously written about how people come up to me and just start telling me intimate stories of their lives and how I feel that it is part of my purpose here on earth to allow people to have a safe space to say things that they couldn’t otherwise say to someone else or maybe for them to release those things.  There too are people who just come up to me and say out of the way things as well to me about me that many people would just go off about and I don’t. I realize that when people come up to me that I am a light, a refuge of sort and that light will draw anyone who needs it even those who don’t know how to respond to it. It’s not about me it’s about them. So even when people come up to me who I don’t know and say something about what I’m wearing or even what I’m doing I’ve come to understand that it’s about them and not me so don’t get upset or angry in response.

When all my energy is not focused or directed in a specific place I am open to the energy fields of those around me. It’s a good thing at times because I can feel when someone needs something which could just mean that in that moment they feel afraid and just need for someone to stand with them. I feel that, and I stand with them without saying that I feel that they do. On the opposite of that I’ve been able to feel people’s negative intentions or feelings where I am concerned as well. It is normal when you can feel someone’s disdain, dislike, displeasure or ill-intentions towards you to want to be on the defense so that you can defend yourself, but I realize there is no need. The key is to remain in a space of love. People often get sucked in thinking that you must defend or shield yourself from someone else’s actions, but the key is to be able to hold a space of love in your heart even when you know the truth. Remember, it’s not about you, it’s about them but how you react is all about you. I believe you should love yourself enough to react differently so that you’re not disappointed later by your actions.

Anytime that we find out how someone truly feels about us we can focus all our energy on being prepared for their next move and how to one-up them or we can focus our energy on how we want to react. Our reactions say more about where we are in our lives. It says if we’ve mastered a level where we walk in reaction to others, being pulled in every direction or if we are strong enough to resist the urge of those low-level things and can now move to the next level. It’s who you’ve said that you wanted to be, it’s hard to be it but you can’t just say it and not mean it or work to be it.

Saying who you are and being that person takes two different types of energy. We strive to be that person who has mastered those things, so we say that we are but it’s almost like saying we are because it sounds good but with no real intent or action to do the work it takes to be it. We’ve heard others say it and it sounds good on them, so we feel we must say it too but don’t have a real concept of it, what it looks like or even why we should say it or even be it for that matter. If you’ve ever worked in a call center you know that you work from a script. Everyone is supposed to say the same thing. In a call center you can hear everyone’s conversation and occasionally, someone will deviate from the script and what they’ve said sounds good and you hear yourself say “That sounds good, I’m going to say that the next time too.” So, the next time you’re in that situation where those words fit you say them. You don’t know why other than it just sounds good so you said it.

I listen to teachings on YouTube while I work because I work a lot and don’t get to read often. Sometimes at work I’m so focused on what they’re saying in the YouTube video that I’m listening to that I don’t always hear what’s going on around me. It hasn’t always been because I don’t get to read often but also to be honest, mostly to retreat from what’s going on around me at the same time. For some time now, I’ve been allowing myself a little time to focus less on that and tuning in to some of the frequencies around me and I sometimes feel the negative intentions or feelings of others when they walk past. Sometimes it can be hard to feel their energy and not match it but again, I don’t want to be pulled into the madness of others, my goal is to maintain my own frequency even in chaos or ill-feelings or intent. Some days I win and others I don’t even if it is not said aloud, anytime when I allow my feelings to match theirs I’ve lost.

Little by little for the last month I’ve been packing to move. I’ve been working so much that I waited until the last minute to find a place. However, God saw fit to bless me to not be homeless and be able to move from one place to another seamlessly, so I thought. My new leasing office called me to say that my new apartment will not be ready on the 15th as planned, something came up and that it won’t be ready until the 19th. They said they would try to find another apartment and would let me know by the end of the day if they could. I didn’t get shaken I just said “This is going to be difficult as I have to be out of my current place on the 15th and would have to spend extra money to store my belongings and find a hotel to stay for the four days. At that time, they let me know that I should be able to stay at my current apartment for four extra days, so I called my current leasing office. When I called to ask the person that I usually speak with when I have problems she was not there. I asked to speak to her because not only is she the manager but when I’ve had to pay my rent late I’ve called and spoke with her. Her not being there was alignment working at its best. There was a gentleman who answered the phone who was new. After telling me the manager wasn’t in I told him what my situation was, and he told me that they basically had to let me stay it’s in my signed contract but that he would let the manager know what my issue was and have her to call me. Well, the new leasing office was not able to turn-around another apartment, so they called to let me know. The next morning, I called my current leasing office again and the person I wanted to speak with the day prior answered the phone. I asked her if she received my message, she said she had and that I was on her list to call back. She asked me if it was possible for them to have my apartment ready on the 15th and I told her no that they had an issue with the tub and had to send out for a new one and that it wouldn’t be ready until the 19th. I told her that I had nowhere else to go and that I needed to remain in my apartment until the 19th. She told me that was unfortunate as I was slated to move on the 15th and she had tenants moving in. The tone she used was one I had not heard before, so I told her that I was told because I had signed an agreement with your company that I would be allowed to stay the additional days. Not allowing her tone to affect mine. She then began to change her tone because I had a piece of information that she didn’t know that I had and said “Well, let me see what I can do. I’ll try to find another apartment for the tenants and I’ll let you know later today.” It’s funny how all this time I thought she was a fair person and I often gave her praises and thanked her for being such. Finding out that she would’ve pushed me out of my apartment taking advantage of my lack of information had I not known that because I signed an agreement with the leasing company that I could stay additional days made me feel some kind of way when I got off the phone with her. Later that day she called and left a voicemail message saying that “I could stay until the 19th but that they would need the keys by noon that day.” That was jarring for me to know that she would’ve put me out knowing that I had nowhere else to go because I didn’t know that I could’ve stayed. I thanked God for giving me insider information prior to speaking with her and then I asked myself “How will you handle this when you see her?” Remember, this says more about her than it does me but how I choose to handle this now says more about me than it does her.

The moral to these stories is that I’m really beginning to understand self-love on another level. Loving myself means that I chose to be a better person as the opportunity presents. That I chose to communicate on a higher frequency. That even with new information I can still choose to live in peace. In peace with myself, my actions, and my responses. That I can choose my energy and what I will focus on. That I have the power to love myself in such a way that I don’t need to disappoint myself and over react to situations to prove that love. That every time that I do, it makes me stronger and more powerful.

 

me, I AM GROWING AND I AM PROUD OF MYSELF.

 

 

 

Kai-ology….The study of Kai

 

Let The Dead Bury The Dead


Okay, so if you follow me on Facebook you know that I post quite a bit of questions, “be mindful” quotes, inspirational flyers and posts to inspire thought. Recently I posted “Let the dead bury the dead”. This was actually posted after I was thinking about Easter and the concept of, traditionalized, and ritualistic events that we partake of during this season.  I wondered if “Jesus” would rather us focus on going within and finding our purpose and what we came to do rather than celebrating his death and resurrection. I wondered if he thought we were too focused on dead things. Dead rituals, dead traditions, dead relationships, and that only the dead could continue to bury the dead year after year, generation after generation. At what point do we begin to do something different realizing the state of the dead walking. And then I started thinking about the concept of Jesus…anyway, my thoughts can sometimes go deeper so rather than posting all of that I just posted “let the dead bury the dead” wondering what others would think of that statement. After posting it I had a family member reply with a bit of concern. I’m laughing at it now because I can see how some could be concerned if their perception of me was depressive. Well, I stated that I was okay and basically that the post was about perception. But this actually got me to thinking after it was said that I’ve given the perception that I was serious. It is no perception at all, I am serious. I’ve always been that way. Don’t get me wrong, that is not the total sum of who I am, but I have always had a serious nature. To really love me you have to know me and not the perception of who you believe me to be.

Many of us say “you don’t know me” and it’s just a thing that is said to another when questioned about an act or deed when something out of the norm was done. But I realized that no one outside of my partner and God really knows me. I believe that my life’s purpose is to be a change, or transformations agent if you will, and my higher self has sown the seeds within my platform of self-love, self-growth, and self-development. A lot of my posts on social media has been about others and what they think, encouraging and empowering them. As a person with a Scorpionic nature I could be called secretive but that’s not who I am really. I share much of me through my writing but those things that are deep I have reserved for the space that call for them. Which normally means for those who too enjoy the more deep, thoughtful conversations and have a need for me to share them. My apple cart would be to have more of these type conversations as this is where I feel most at home.

In my life, I have been the person that people come tell their deepest secrets to. I’m not kidding either, I have people walk up to me in stores or wherever and just start talking to me and telling me intimate things about them. For many I have been the person that has been an ear, the secret keeper, a voice of reason, or given to wisdom. But during this time, no one has really asked me outside of my partner, about me. What do I like, what do I think, what do I need, what do I feel? That is my role within this universe, what I agreed to before I came here and I don’t take it lightly, nor do I bitch and moan about it because that is why I am here; but I believe that I do begin to wonder when people assume that I am one way or given to a perception that I am another way because they never asked.

I then began to think about the relationships that I have with people who are family members and those that would call me friend, I realized that even if they are associated with me by blood, some sort of friendship, or business relationship that they don’t really know me at all. They’ve felt close to me because I have encouraged, supported, filled a void or space in their lives but there has not been much reciprocation. For my family members, they know me from whatever age we last had interaction and for most people that’s who you still are.  I’ve walked a lone path for much of my life. Not lonely or alone, just lone. I am not uncomfortable with this part of me. It has been who I have been for most of my life. It was who I was groomed to be. It was who I circumstantially was destined to be, this is my assignment and I am okay with it. So, not for myself but for others to see, I did a post that said I would give a $100 to the person who could answer all six questions, only because I knew no one could. I wanted to dissolve a perception that I believe people have of me. And these were they:

  1. Why did I change my name to Kai?
  2. What makes me laugh?
  3. What makes me cry?
  4. What is my favorite day of the week?
  5. What has the last 5 years been like for me?
  6. What am I most proud of?

 

 

One Voice For All


I love to hear different points of view because it allows me different perspectives. The other day I was listening to this video and what David Banner was saying made me think a bit more about how we think as a society sometimes carries an undertone for “group think”  using the term of ‘being on one accord’ and how that maybe some of our definitions in the belief of “group think”  or “being on one accord” are different. I believe in group think as a collective  and believe that we should be on one accord when it is beneficial and leading a group of people in a desired direction but my idea on “Group think” or “being on one accord” may be different from someone else’s. I believe that group think benefits a culture, a society, a community and so on but I believe it should promote and support individuality as well. My belief is that our uniqueness originating by consciousness deems us so or we would’ve all been made alike in every other way excluding physical appearance. But that our uniqueness (individuality) allows each of us a specific purpose, one different from the other that moves our world, society, community, etc into the next phase, level, dimension, or state of consciousness.  When listening to David Banner, and you may not agree once you watch the video but it seems that he might’ve suggested that we should as a whole be more aggressive and that the person we choose to speak for us should be more like the Killmongers in life. I myself believe that it takes both T’Challa and Killmonger to move us forward and that one message or platform isn’t better than the other but both serves one another. I believe that they both work in tandem and offers to each of us by what we resonate with most an idea or belief that we can individually get behind if we so choose. Allowing for the different messages to ring true without denying either one. Neither more right or more wrong, they just are. Again, to me it takes both archetypes to move a society forward.

With respect to “Black Panther” and “Real Life” I believe that our heroes can and should be different and they don’t all have to be the same or look the same. That our heroes are born out of their particular struggle and those that resonate within that struggle will deem them as such. Case in point. Dr. Martin Luther King and Malcolm X (two people used in the video), same struggle different message. I don’t believe that one message worked more over the other. I believed they resonated with the people that they were supposed to resonate with and helped to move a society within their respective agendas. It doesn’t take away or make one less of a hero than the other.  In the end they were both assassinated for what they believed in…the same struggle. As a diverse people I am not sure that one voice can speak for us all. I think it takes many voices. A diverse group of voices resonating thought surrounding the same agenda. Yes, at times it can be noisy for the untrained ear but my belief is that diverse voices can speak for a whole. What do you think/believe?

 

I am A Seeker


Just a few facts about the nature of who I am so that you may better understand me, my posts, my actions, or lack of action in some cases.
I am a seeker. I seek truth and a deeper meaning to life through spirituality. I don’t mind telling my truth and I am anything but superficial about it. If I am wrong, I never have a problem saying that I am, apologizing and trying to effect change to move forward from that wrong. I can be a loner at times as I truly prefer deeper conversation and stimulation, however that does not mean that I don’t like to laugh. As a matter of fact, I can be really silly at times. I don’t mind confrontation as I know it to be a way of growth and change if we are to do so especially when done correctly. If you’ve been a part of my social sphere for at least 3 or more years you’ll notice that I have been in a constant state of change and transformation. I am committed to a life of transformation; dying, resurrecting, and regenerating. It is a part of who I am as a person, I came into this world this way and I tend to at times be obsessive about that change and transformation especially in times of feeling stuck. So, balance is always important to me. My posts somewhat strategic in nature are always designed to inspire thought and self love, more so to get us to think more about our own power and nature and truly love who we are. I also try to inspire others to keep going. It is my way of having a closer connection with others who are seeking the same but may need some confirmation, support or empowerment. There are parts of me that some people may not like as I can come of self centered but I am not. (I used to come off as self-righteous and I was.) However, I love people and I’m most interested in their growth. Sometimes who I am can come off as cold or emotionless because I am severely focused and at times that leaves no room for much else but that which I am focused upon. It is never my intention to make anyone else feel like they don’t matter but I border on obsessive when I am trying to accomplish something. On the flip side of things I am not afraid of the darker side of life. I understand the yin and yang of life, so I have the ability to examine and explore those parts of me, others, and different forms of spirituality to get a better understanding of life. (This part of me is newly recognized. I used to be afraid, something that had to do with religion) I understand that everything in life is not always good or bad in which the law of duality explains. And that life isn’t always on the up, as the law of rhythm states that the pendulum swings both ways. We must be able to deal with both sides of the swing. But, I have always had a great need to work, walk, and delve into the things of the spirit that represent consciousness to a higher level. I am always looking to learn more. I seek knowledge wherever I can find it to help me tap into my higher self because I believe there is always more. I constantly challenge myself and others to look at ourselves in a way that encourages and promote self love, self growth and self-evolution whatever that may mean for each of us. For me this has caused me to transform at different periods during life, leaving some to know a different Kai that may no longer exist. But my posts pretty much say it all. If you’d like to know more I’m always available but not through inbox, messenger or DM’s. I’m not hard to find though. #transformation#transmutation #inspiration #seeker #seekerforlife#truth #lawofduality #lawofrhythm #universallaws#selflove #selfgrowth #selfevolution

Get Lost


I’ve often found it hard to fathom when people say “Ain’t nothing changed.” I wonder why they take pride in that.  And if nothing’s changed wouldn’t that be apparent and no need to speak on it. So, obviously something has changed but in order to not be different we are encouraged to stay the same. Something about feeling different from the pack will make some denounce that change however good it is. As I’ve been made cognizant of the many lives that I’ve lived, the many breathes I’ve been able to take, and the many dimensions, stages and levels of those dimensions I feel blessed to have changed. You see, I believe that as the outside changes the inside is what should change the most.

Walking through life in the thick of it sometimes we don’t see that change. But when we slow down and go to the observatory of our lives we can see that change in retrospection. An observation of life through the height and depth of it all can be an exhaustive feat but nevertheless, as we begin to explore we find that the valleys can be low, dragging self-esteem with it. And the mountains so high that the intensity to pull one’s self out of the valley hard.

Somewhere in this we begin to feel lost and unsure of who we are.  The way gives the appearance that we are walking aimlessly throughout specific paths of the journey. But, if we are to ponder our explorations we can see that there is such a blessing in getting lost a few times.  Even in the act of surviving the most traumatic issues along the way we can get lost in the experience of it all, yet even still a blessing can be seen if we look. I believe that although we may feel lost from time to time, we aren’t. I know for a fact that the Creator knows exactly where we are, and we can be confident in where we are growing in those times.

The reward to being lost is when you can see the beauty in finding ‘self’. The strength to move forward while encouraging one’s self through it all gives way to new paths to be seen. When we can envision it correctly we can discover the entrance into the very heart of who we are at that moment. The encouragement that we give to ourselves to look even deeper within allows us to find the strength of all that we possess.

A level of courage is needed when we attempt to find ourselves. Courage to be authentic and honest with one’s self. The type of courage that when used will be the only key that will open doors to other dimensions within you. Daring to discover new lands within yourself enables change to be seen when eyes are wide open, and mirrors held at eye level. It gives you the ability to count the many blessings of living long enough to have been able to see yourself change a number of times.

Lost, is just an illusion when we are unsure of the way. It is a place called ‘change’ that makes us be afraid and makes us believe that we are lost. It’s something about the scenery changing that creates anxiety. However, it is our inner world only that is changing, because our subconscious begins to walk us through uncharted paths that we’ve never journeyed before. It is that our inner most selves have called upon the depths of who we are to take control without our full knowledge of it.  That part of us that has been consistently preparing us for what’s next all of our lives. We are only now realizing that our inner most self is leading us to reach for something more because it is time. No matter who is with us or not, when we understand this we come to love that deeper level of self because it makes us dare to look for more.  It calls us to awaken to life. It calls us to go higher, to go toward the mountain top. Heed the call and to take the scenic view. Ascension is simply breathtaking as you reach for your zenith.

 

 

If you have enjoyed reading this blog post, please share it with your friends and family. Also, I would be honored if you would subscribe so that every time I publish a blog post you’ll receive a notification. I am much grateful to you for your time and energy reading what I have to say, thank you. We are in this life together, feel free to leave a comment below.

Reflection (2017) Part 2


2017 was like that mother that beat you into submission, but then sat you down to explain ‘why’. Once you understood why it was whipping you into shape, you knew that it wanted you to climb higher into your next level of consciousness.

It was the year that demanded you learn. Learn more about yourself and the world around you. This past year taught me many lessons that I am proud and blessed to have endured, been challenged by, and brought through. It gives me deep satisfaction to say that 2017 gave me pivotal points in my life, and acted as healing in some areas and made me keenly aware of others that needed fixing and or changing. I think the major thing it taught me was that I had assigned tasks to myself that were never my responsibility.

In some spaces I had to forgive myself for not knowing the value of my resources, time and energy. I had to lay hold to forgiveness of myself for sacrificing my worth for some people who didn’t know their own. I had charged some clients the bare minimum in order to obtain their business and had to pay for some of their services out of my own pocket. I took the time to forgive myself for working in collaborative situations where I did 90-95% of the work. Also, I forgave myself for working with clients who weren’t ready for the next level where I or someone on my team had to drag them along kicking, screaming or complaining about why they had to do the work in the first place, or why they had to pay for it, and sometimes doing the work for them. I learned that I had said “You be the gift and let us do the work” too many times. I learned that before you judge someone else, you had to look at yourself first to see if you do the same thing, something similar, or are responsible for why it’s happening.

2017 made me realize just how many tools and resources that we had been given to help us navigate our existence in this world.  Some of or either all of the resources that we were given throughout time many of us have denied ourselves access to because of old wives’ tales, myths, religious, or familial beliefs. Some of these beliefs go back so far that the reason is no longer valid or never was, but we still hold those reasons to be truths in our daily practice still today. Looking back, I realize ignorance and inexperience played a major part. Not that many of us wanted to be ignorant but for most of us it was our upbringing where we were always told how and what to think and that we shouldn’t question things. So, for most of our lives we walk blindly and do as we were told.

Now, as some of us are awakening, we find the reasons no longer valid and that the “Why” is not more important than the “how”. How do we begin to move forward in the newness of our day-to-day? How do we take those lessons we’ve learned and start to utilize some of the tools and resources that we now find that we have?

At the moment we contemplate the tools and resources that we find that we have, we recognize that they are more like inclusive road maps that we have been given access to. I use the term “inclusive” because many of them come from the inside. The tools we have gives us the ability to read the maps, the resources help us to take the journey within the map. The lessons keep us on the right roads on the map. I start to see that we are the map. The thoughts or mindset our tools. The resources our bodies which make manifested actions from our thoughts or mindset as well as those that help us to manifest the experiences on our journey.

The one thing 2017 made clear for me was to seek knowledge. That knowledge expanded our thoughts and mindset. And that knowledge proved itself one thing over time, and that there is nothing new under the sun and some of our teachers of this knowledge have been life bringers, some guides, some healers, some gurus, some mystics, some prophets, some messengers, and such but we’ve refused to obtain much of this knowledge mostly because of their source. We don’t realize that we all come from ‘the’ Source and have been the source. I don’t think we come to understand that each of us are the Source; a form of it anyway. Every single one of us holds a part of the Source within us, the Source is expressed through us and we all play a part of one another’s existence making us REsources. Knowledge comes from Source and reaches us through other sources to complete the knowledge of Source.

It’s like being lost and handed a map, a GPS locator, some rope, a hammer, or whatever and not using it because it came from Walmart or CVS and not Macy’s or Nordstroms. My hopes, prayers, and meditations are upon us utilizing ALL of our tools, resources, sources and the Source to move into our higher selves as a universal collective.

As with any thing expressed or experienced, I pray for many things going into 2018.  But mostly, I pray that my children are aware of the knowledge within and that they go to Source and when Source sends to them other sources that they utilize that resource. I pray that they are better people and parents than I was. I pray that the things that I learned in life have been a resource to them and that I shared enough with them to the extent that they may not have to experience any of those things; but if they do, I pray that they know exactly what to do. I hope that the example that I currently set for them makes them want to expand their level of consciousness every day and that they let nothing stop them from achieving all that they came here to do. I pray that my suns know that they are KINGS even when they aren’t acting KINGLY. I pray that they know they are loved without conditions and that I know them to be GREAT even when they are not.  I pray that they know that their actions do not define them. I pray that my suns know that no matter who they are that I will always love them. I pray that they know that Source loves them more than I ever could. I pray that when they fall they know how to get up. I pray that as the going gets tough that they know that they are tougher.  I pray that every day that they wake that they’ll try again.

This is what 2017 taught me, gave me, healed me from and allowed me to experience. Now, let’s move into 2018 with gratitude and gratefulness!

 

 

 

 

 

If you have enjoyed reading this blog post, please share it with your friends and family. Also, I would be honored if you would subscribe so that every time I publish a blog post you’ll receive a notification. I am much grateful to you for your time and energy reading what I have to say, thank you. We are in this life together, feel free to leave a comment below.

 

This year, the Kai Mann blog will post every 1st and 3rd Monday of the month.  Stay tuned, I’ve got some amazing experiences, thoughts, and ideas that I want to share with you. If you like what you read, do me the honor of sharing it with anyone that you believe that it will resonate with. You can also check out the Kaiology Mann YouTube channel for videos and please do subscribe. I appreciate you and stand with you in the building of your 2018. Let’s get it!

 

 

Reflection (2017)


There are years in one’s life that will most certainly be remembered. 2017 is that year for me.  It was the year that everything that I thought I knew was tested. About myself, the people around me, and the systems that I had once relied upon to get me through every moment of the day. It tested processes that I had in place for most of my life that worked and now many of them failed. A life that had been perfected and mastered, broke and failed under the weight of it all. It was as if I awoke one day in January 2017 and everything I had learned prior was no longer valid and I had to start from scratch and learn a ‘new’ thing.

For most of 2017 I felt lost and at times abandoned. The abandonment didn’t come because there wasn’t anyone in my corner but that the ease that walked with me through the course of my life had seemed to leave me at my greatest time of need. The person that I knew of myself was stripped of every virtue one by one. The lack of difficulty in learning and moving through this period unlike many others had seemed to dissipate. Leaving me clueless when lessons seemed harder to get, maintain, and implement.

We read books and hear stories about the hero’s journey and at some point, throughout our lives we realize that we too are on our own hero’s journey. I’ve been on this journey for quite some time but 2017 has truly dismantled the foundation of who I was/am.  The slab of concrete that once held my entire belief system in my world rocked to the core as if an earthquake came along and destroyed everything.

To describe it, one would say that walking inside the vessel known as me was like walking around after the quake was over and there was no room to step. No solid ground to stand on. As you began to move all you knew to do was to try and pick up as many pieces as you could so that you had a place to freely stand. One would think that the more pieces were up the better chance you had to be secure but the aftershocks wouldn’t allow for it so you just kept repeating the steps until you no longer had to.

The composure once held, that signaled a dominance of distinguishment now suggests something else. I can tell that I’m being made over and the feeling one gets during this process is to ask, “who am I” meanwhile bricks continue to fall. Oh, you cannot tell on the outside by looking in. Well, on most days and at least that is what I tell myself. But, if you’re in close proximity to me and you have ever studied me you know that something is not quite right.

Ah, but it is. It is quite right. This is the place in between the place. This is where every person who has reached for greatness has been. As I realized what was happening I began to shift my perspective. I started to lean into it as much as I could. Some days I won, but many others the contrast won. I’d try giving in to the fact that I was no longer the master and had found myself in unfamiliar territory trying to swim in areas where the levees broke, and the water was too high. I was being rebuilt and it was exhaustive at best. In previous years I had the focus of a guru and now it was trying just to concentrate.

I was being broken down to be rebuilt to create a new foundation, a new structure, one to hold the new truths, new processes, and new systems for the next life that I am to adventure. 2017 broke the mold in order to get a new one. It offered and marked the end to an era but not without first extending a time of healing from the tearing down and the brokenness that one would feel from so much trauma during any natural disaster.

As devastating as a natural disaster is, it happens naturally and is caused by a need for change, restructure, and newness of opportunity once survival has been obtained. It is like a time of purification. The key is to survive it. Many people can’t get past the devastation of the disaster to ask the tough questions like ‘why’ and “what can we learn from it.” Although I am still learning some lessons from even the earlier part of 2017’s wrath I know how important it was to live through it and to use it as the compass for the next part of my life.

If you ask me what 2017 taught me I’ll tell you quite a bit but to get the full disclosure come back on Monday, January 14th when I will go in full detail.  This year, the Kai Mann blog will post every 1st and 3rd Monday of the month.  Stay tuned, I’ve got some amazing experiences, thoughts, and ideas that I want to share with you. If you like what you read, do me the honor of sharing it with anyone that you believe that it will resonate with. You can also check out the Kaiology Mann YouTube channel for videos and please do subscribe. I appreciate you and stand with you in the building of your 2018. Let’s get it!

 

 

2017 A Year Of Reconciliation


When it is time to be alone everyone you know will disappear. Not in the definition of vanishing and that you are unsure of where they are, or that you yourself didn’t have something to do with their disappearance but it will happen because it is time.  When it is time for you to take in account for the life that you have created you must reconcile the balances of deposits and withdrawals you have taken or given. There is a Divine space of Contemplation of what is, what was, and how it all has affected you, and the people who have walked in the same spaces with you. 2017 has been that year for me, a year of reconciliation. A year to reconcile or balance the accounts and transactions that I have made throughout the years.

The first step was reconciling the discrepancies and over 49 years there have been many. You see, when you reconcile a discrepancy it begins with the date a transaction was done. This relates to the stories we have told ourselves since the transactions, to account for and balance them. We may have reconciled it since that date with ourselves but if there was anyone else involved it must also be reconciled with them as well. When this happens the story usually changes because listening you now hear it from their perspective and can garner a full picture. This picture usually changes from what your limited vision has been to seeing a picture in its entirety. A 360 view. Now, seeing everything, you must come to grips with what you will do with the picture you now see.

As 2017 progressed I’ve been going over my life piece by piece. Dealing with one thing at a time; myself, my children, my family, my relationships, and friendships. What I feel as each part of my life has been called to be reconciled I’ve learned that I’ve walked in a space of what borders on selfishness and abandonment depending on the side of the road that I am walking and on what day. No matter the time or day, it is surely the time to be reconciled with all my past actions. The scales of life are now balanced, and the time of judgement is now due. This judgement I exact upon myself as the consequences of life bears down on me.  It bears down not in a fit of angry rage but of truth, and genuine conversations and thought. No malice or ill-will intended, the bearing down comes from wanting to feel lighter as I move into this next phase of life and try to understand the breadth of what is weighing me down. And without hesitation or apprehension I resist not the bearing down as I have demanded of my higher self to know and understand more, and this bearing down comes as a result of what has transpired.

The time has come for me to see with full vision how the other half has lived. While being in a state of what was deemed as “Saving myself” so that I could still be here to enjoy life with each of my pieces I believe that I detoured which left some to fend for themselves. As each piece would come to full view there became an overwhelming state of shame and guilt as I could see some of the devastation that was left behind. Although normal to feel guilt and shame, I knew too that in order to move forward it too was okay to let those feelings go, but not before apologizing for the past hurt, or what could have felt like betrayal, or disloyalty on my part.

It’s tough to stand at full attention, dropping ego to the floor, and at times your own feelings so that you can hold on to the weight of their feelings, and emotions while hearing their and your story from the place where they stood. What felt like unconditional love to me was that there has never been any judgement of me, to me, from their lips. Just stories of what happened on their journeys. They never held me in contempt or condemnation, never yelled, or spoke in a condescending tone: They just told me the story. I thank God for that because I didn’t want to be made to feel worse by them or by me for that matter. Sometimes when we make it about us we demand that they make us feel guilty, or more guilt so that we can bear the weight of what happened. There is little time nor energy for that. We have all been through something but the realization of it all is to continue to learn from, grow, and evolve those stories to make new and better ones. I cannot thank them enough for their handling of me in my mishandling of them.

As I continue to allow myself to be opened however it comes, I don’t feel gutted, but I can speak with honesty and saying that sometimes as I see me at some stages of life, I don’t like me.  I don’t like the me that left in the manner in which I did. I don’t like the me that detoured from the spontaneity of life and checked out on the people that mattered. I know that I didn’t do it on purpose, and I know that I did it with limited knowledge, sight, and vision but I do wish that I had done it differently. But even so, when I think about that statement I know that if I had, I wouldn’t be the same person that I am now, having the same experiences that I am now and who’s to say that they would’ve been better or worse. This is life. The one that I chose, and I believe that I have the capacity to live it and that is what I am going to do. So, I continue to allow self to be opened, taught, displayed, grown, evolved, and ultimately transfigured because one thing that I am sure of is that this ‘is’ what I put here to do.

 

 

 

 

In Limbo (The in-between place)


Sometimes it’s hard to talk about the in-between places. The places that feel like limbo. You’re not where you used to be but you’re not quite yet where you’re headed. You have faith enough to know that you’re close but the GPS seems to keep re-routing you. It’s the place where everything you once knew doesn’t work anymore, and the things you’re learning haven’t been tested enough to be proven and you’re still trying to figure out how to use them. That place where the person you used to be is taunting you for its equal return and the new you is lurking just close enough on the inside that at times it could be considered out; but it looks to be waiting for an invitation to do so. And, it’s not that you haven’t offered one, its impression is as if it’s awaiting the alignment of some magical space in time where everything needs to meet just so.

So let’s just say that right now ” I feel crazy” most of the time…lol. The new person you’re becoming sometimes feel like a suit that may not quite fit just yet. While you’re still gaining muscle to fill it in just right, and although you’re sure that you can fill those shoes, at the same time you’re doing that thing that most little girls do in their mothers heels, try to teach yourself to walk in them.

If I can explain it in detail I’d tell you that it’s that place where certainty kind of teases you from day to day. Where the ground that you walk on feels a little shaky and in spite of the foundation previously poured its as if the structure beneath your feet is somewhat changing. So much is happening all at the same time that concentration seems to escape you from time to time and you begin to act in ways that you never have before. Often asking yourself “Who was that?” You’re changing, morphing, and transfiguring into the ‘new’ you and your emotions at times can run high as you’re seeking and searching to figure it all out. You feel like those cartoon characters that are shape-shifting, a little painful and out of sorts. Meanwhile a new class is in session and it begins at ground zero. Its days before Kindergarten starts how many, you don’t know, but all you know is that you’re ready for first grade.

You’re realizing that every dimension has a process of levels and every time you get to a new dimension you must start all over from the beginning and it feels weird. A bit uncomfortable, and unnerving because you don’t know what to expect. It’s like being a freshman all over again, you’ve got to get acclimated, learn the ropes, and then you can begin to truly succeed just as you did on the last dimension.

Even still, I had wished that I could go on a 30 day retreat and that someone like Mr. Miyagi would show up and walk me through the lessons of life hand-in-hand so that I could surely be ready for the fight. Right now if anyone asks, my go to is the “Karate Kid” as the match to my hero’s journey. Previously like Daniel I too wanted to skip the whole ‘Wax on…Wax off” part and go straight to the fight but it doesn’t work that way. As you can see, Daniel got hurt. Even though he did, he won because the principles had been instilled in him.

Remember hero, that the journey is built on consistency. Opportunity or chance comes right at the moment that it is supposed to. So if you’re in the in between space, work the process, do your “Wax on…Wax Off” exercises and stick to the trail even when you feel like you’re going to fall off. When you step on to that platform to that next level you’ll be glad that you did.