Where’s Kai?


I know that some of you have probably wondered, “where is Kai?”  I’m here. Somewhat in varying degrees of dimensions of what ‘here’ is. I haven’t been on Facebook a lot. Here and there I’ll post but I am in a state of learning and have pulled myself away to get the best education that I possibly can. I’m doing my internal work still, but on a different level.  I haven’t written much because as soon as I think I know a thing I am then charged to bring that level of knowledge, school of thought, or idea even higher. I realize how much I know nothing. How does one speak on things unknown to its fullest. Even now I feel like I’m babbling. I have been in a class of in-depth innerstanding since February of this year. I had planned from October to December of 2017 to do some major things in 2018 and those plans were laid to rest or pushed aside to become more aware of self and Spirituality. I am compelled to dive deeper and go within even more than I ever have.

On Instagram (which I know sounds crazy) but by regranning or sharing most of what I am learning and gathering from the posts of some enlightened souls, I’ve found a sort of refuge. These souls, are relevant to my own innerstanding and have delved into the depths of the mysticisms of their own psyche and schools of thought to find truth by experience. As I type, I find myself forming thoughts about the conversations that I’ve had on Conversations With Kai Mann these past two years and come to the conclusion that now, those conversations do not even begin to scratch the surface of where I am to go now. They were stepping stones to the reality of transformation but transformation as we know it has many levels and its time to take my quest even further. So I sit, get quiet and learn.

I perceive that learning is ever present, it is never ‘all’ or ‘done’ it lasts throughout eternity as we go from one transition or incarnation to another. I find lessons in everything that I do because I look for the lesson in everything that I do. Even in the mundane.  It is all school for thought to be taught from different angles and perspectives.

I’ve stopped most of what I was doing so that I could focus. Outside of a couple of clients I’ve taken life back old school. I knew that I needed a fresh start so I threw away the old canvas, well not really threw it away, I just put it down in the basement so to speak and bought a new canvas.  I’m still thinking if I should throw the old one away but I have started completely over.  I wanted my outer work to reflect  my inner work. I innerstand that I have got to get my house in order. Now earlier, I said that I took it back old school. I’m going to share my truths with you so that you can fully understand because bits and pieces of the truth will only complicate and confuse the lessons.

In February, I delved even deeper into working on my work. I knew that meant that I needed to work on my thinking. The way I have thought over the years have changed me in ways that I don’t recognize or care to take into my future. My inner world had begun to show outwardly and what I saw, I wasn’t too fond of.  I had built walls up from past hurts. I wasn’t that deeply rooted in love spiritually person I had once been. More aloof than ever, energy fully drained and not as focused in areas where I needed to be. Some of my thoughts were immature and unfinished, and I walked around using those thoughts as foundations for major decisions. I decided that I needed to do some things differently and on the next blog post I’ll begin to share exactly what those were.

Why am I’m writing these blogs? Well, I’ve decided to use my blog as an open journal to speak in truth about my transformational journey.  Join me if you’d like.

flyers;

Waldo-Regranned from Eternal Skies

Consciousness- Regranned from Raise The Vibe Tribe

Reflection (2017) Part 2


2017 was like that mother that beat you into submission, but then sat you down to explain ‘why’. Once you understood why it was whipping you into shape, you knew that it wanted you to climb higher into your next level of consciousness.

It was the year that demanded you learn. Learn more about yourself and the world around you. This past year taught me many lessons that I am proud and blessed to have endured, been challenged by, and brought through. It gives me deep satisfaction to say that 2017 gave me pivotal points in my life, and acted as healing in some areas and made me keenly aware of others that needed fixing and or changing. I think the major thing it taught me was that I had assigned tasks to myself that were never my responsibility.

In some spaces I had to forgive myself for not knowing the value of my resources, time and energy. I had to lay hold to forgiveness of myself for sacrificing my worth for some people who didn’t know their own. I had charged some clients the bare minimum in order to obtain their business and had to pay for some of their services out of my own pocket. I took the time to forgive myself for working in collaborative situations where I did 90-95% of the work. Also, I forgave myself for working with clients who weren’t ready for the next level where I or someone on my team had to drag them along kicking, screaming or complaining about why they had to do the work in the first place, or why they had to pay for it, and sometimes doing the work for them. I learned that I had said “You be the gift and let us do the work” too many times. I learned that before you judge someone else, you had to look at yourself first to see if you do the same thing, something similar, or are responsible for why it’s happening.

2017 made me realize just how many tools and resources that we had been given to help us navigate our existence in this world.  Some of or either all of the resources that we were given throughout time many of us have denied ourselves access to because of old wives’ tales, myths, religious, or familial beliefs. Some of these beliefs go back so far that the reason is no longer valid or never was, but we still hold those reasons to be truths in our daily practice still today. Looking back, I realize ignorance and inexperience played a major part. Not that many of us wanted to be ignorant but for most of us it was our upbringing where we were always told how and what to think and that we shouldn’t question things. So, for most of our lives we walk blindly and do as we were told.

Now, as some of us are awakening, we find the reasons no longer valid and that the “Why” is not more important than the “how”. How do we begin to move forward in the newness of our day-to-day? How do we take those lessons we’ve learned and start to utilize some of the tools and resources that we now find that we have?

At the moment we contemplate the tools and resources that we find that we have, we recognize that they are more like inclusive road maps that we have been given access to. I use the term “inclusive” because many of them come from the inside. The tools we have gives us the ability to read the maps, the resources help us to take the journey within the map. The lessons keep us on the right roads on the map. I start to see that we are the map. The thoughts or mindset our tools. The resources our bodies which make manifested actions from our thoughts or mindset as well as those that help us to manifest the experiences on our journey.

The one thing 2017 made clear for me was to seek knowledge. That knowledge expanded our thoughts and mindset. And that knowledge proved itself one thing over time, and that there is nothing new under the sun and some of our teachers of this knowledge have been life bringers, some guides, some healers, some gurus, some mystics, some prophets, some messengers, and such but we’ve refused to obtain much of this knowledge mostly because of their source. We don’t realize that we all come from ‘the’ Source and have been the source. I don’t think we come to understand that each of us are the Source; a form of it anyway. Every single one of us holds a part of the Source within us, the Source is expressed through us and we all play a part of one another’s existence making us REsources. Knowledge comes from Source and reaches us through other sources to complete the knowledge of Source.

It’s like being lost and handed a map, a GPS locator, some rope, a hammer, or whatever and not using it because it came from Walmart or CVS and not Macy’s or Nordstroms. My hopes, prayers, and meditations are upon us utilizing ALL of our tools, resources, sources and the Source to move into our higher selves as a universal collective.

As with any thing expressed or experienced, I pray for many things going into 2018.  But mostly, I pray that my children are aware of the knowledge within and that they go to Source and when Source sends to them other sources that they utilize that resource. I pray that they are better people and parents than I was. I pray that the things that I learned in life have been a resource to them and that I shared enough with them to the extent that they may not have to experience any of those things; but if they do, I pray that they know exactly what to do. I hope that the example that I currently set for them makes them want to expand their level of consciousness every day and that they let nothing stop them from achieving all that they came here to do. I pray that my suns know that they are KINGS even when they aren’t acting KINGLY. I pray that they know they are loved without conditions and that I know them to be GREAT even when they are not.  I pray that they know that their actions do not define them. I pray that my suns know that no matter who they are that I will always love them. I pray that they know that Source loves them more than I ever could. I pray that when they fall they know how to get up. I pray that as the going gets tough that they know that they are tougher.  I pray that every day that they wake that they’ll try again.

This is what 2017 taught me, gave me, healed me from and allowed me to experience. Now, let’s move into 2018 with gratitude and gratefulness!

 

 

 

 

 

If you have enjoyed reading this blog post, please share it with your friends and family. Also, I would be honored if you would subscribe so that every time I publish a blog post you’ll receive a notification. I am much grateful to you for your time and energy reading what I have to say, thank you. We are in this life together, feel free to leave a comment below.

 

This year, the Kai Mann blog will post every 1st and 3rd Monday of the month.  Stay tuned, I’ve got some amazing experiences, thoughts, and ideas that I want to share with you. If you like what you read, do me the honor of sharing it with anyone that you believe that it will resonate with. You can also check out the Kaiology Mann YouTube channel for videos and please do subscribe. I appreciate you and stand with you in the building of your 2018. Let’s get it!

 

 

Reflection (2017)


There are years in one’s life that will most certainly be remembered. 2017 is that year for me.  It was the year that everything that I thought I knew was tested. About myself, the people around me, and the systems that I had once relied upon to get me through every moment of the day. It tested processes that I had in place for most of my life that worked and now many of them failed. A life that had been perfected and mastered, broke and failed under the weight of it all. It was as if I awoke one day in January 2017 and everything I had learned prior was no longer valid and I had to start from scratch and learn a ‘new’ thing.

For most of 2017 I felt lost and at times abandoned. The abandonment didn’t come because there wasn’t anyone in my corner but that the ease that walked with me through the course of my life had seemed to leave me at my greatest time of need. The person that I knew of myself was stripped of every virtue one by one. The lack of difficulty in learning and moving through this period unlike many others had seemed to dissipate. Leaving me clueless when lessons seemed harder to get, maintain, and implement.

We read books and hear stories about the hero’s journey and at some point, throughout our lives we realize that we too are on our own hero’s journey. I’ve been on this journey for quite some time but 2017 has truly dismantled the foundation of who I was/am.  The slab of concrete that once held my entire belief system in my world rocked to the core as if an earthquake came along and destroyed everything.

To describe it, one would say that walking inside the vessel known as me was like walking around after the quake was over and there was no room to step. No solid ground to stand on. As you began to move all you knew to do was to try and pick up as many pieces as you could so that you had a place to freely stand. One would think that the more pieces were up the better chance you had to be secure but the aftershocks wouldn’t allow for it so you just kept repeating the steps until you no longer had to.

The composure once held, that signaled a dominance of distinguishment now suggests something else. I can tell that I’m being made over and the feeling one gets during this process is to ask, “who am I” meanwhile bricks continue to fall. Oh, you cannot tell on the outside by looking in. Well, on most days and at least that is what I tell myself. But, if you’re in close proximity to me and you have ever studied me you know that something is not quite right.

Ah, but it is. It is quite right. This is the place in between the place. This is where every person who has reached for greatness has been. As I realized what was happening I began to shift my perspective. I started to lean into it as much as I could. Some days I won, but many others the contrast won. I’d try giving in to the fact that I was no longer the master and had found myself in unfamiliar territory trying to swim in areas where the levees broke, and the water was too high. I was being rebuilt and it was exhaustive at best. In previous years I had the focus of a guru and now it was trying just to concentrate.

I was being broken down to be rebuilt to create a new foundation, a new structure, one to hold the new truths, new processes, and new systems for the next life that I am to adventure. 2017 broke the mold in order to get a new one. It offered and marked the end to an era but not without first extending a time of healing from the tearing down and the brokenness that one would feel from so much trauma during any natural disaster.

As devastating as a natural disaster is, it happens naturally and is caused by a need for change, restructure, and newness of opportunity once survival has been obtained. It is like a time of purification. The key is to survive it. Many people can’t get past the devastation of the disaster to ask the tough questions like ‘why’ and “what can we learn from it.” Although I am still learning some lessons from even the earlier part of 2017’s wrath I know how important it was to live through it and to use it as the compass for the next part of my life.

If you ask me what 2017 taught me I’ll tell you quite a bit but to get the full disclosure come back on Monday, January 14th when I will go in full detail.  This year, the Kai Mann blog will post every 1st and 3rd Monday of the month.  Stay tuned, I’ve got some amazing experiences, thoughts, and ideas that I want to share with you. If you like what you read, do me the honor of sharing it with anyone that you believe that it will resonate with. You can also check out the Kaiology Mann YouTube channel for videos and please do subscribe. I appreciate you and stand with you in the building of your 2018. Let’s get it!

 

 

2017 A Year Of Reconciliation


When it is time to be alone everyone you know will disappear. Not in the definition of vanishing and that you are unsure of where they are, or that you yourself didn’t have something to do with their disappearance but it will happen because it is time.  When it is time for you to take in account for the life that you have created you must reconcile the balances of deposits and withdrawals you have taken or given. There is a Divine space of Contemplation of what is, what was, and how it all has affected you, and the people who have walked in the same spaces with you. 2017 has been that year for me, a year of reconciliation. A year to reconcile or balance the accounts and transactions that I have made throughout the years.

The first step was reconciling the discrepancies and over 49 years there have been many. You see, when you reconcile a discrepancy it begins with the date a transaction was done. This relates to the stories we have told ourselves since the transactions, to account for and balance them. We may have reconciled it since that date with ourselves but if there was anyone else involved it must also be reconciled with them as well. When this happens the story usually changes because listening you now hear it from their perspective and can garner a full picture. This picture usually changes from what your limited vision has been to seeing a picture in its entirety. A 360 view. Now, seeing everything, you must come to grips with what you will do with the picture you now see.

As 2017 progressed I’ve been going over my life piece by piece. Dealing with one thing at a time; myself, my children, my family, my relationships, and friendships. What I feel as each part of my life has been called to be reconciled I’ve learned that I’ve walked in a space of what borders on selfishness and abandonment depending on the side of the road that I am walking and on what day. No matter the time or day, it is surely the time to be reconciled with all my past actions. The scales of life are now balanced, and the time of judgement is now due. This judgement I exact upon myself as the consequences of life bears down on me.  It bears down not in a fit of angry rage but of truth, and genuine conversations and thought. No malice or ill-will intended, the bearing down comes from wanting to feel lighter as I move into this next phase of life and try to understand the breadth of what is weighing me down. And without hesitation or apprehension I resist not the bearing down as I have demanded of my higher self to know and understand more, and this bearing down comes as a result of what has transpired.

The time has come for me to see with full vision how the other half has lived. While being in a state of what was deemed as “Saving myself” so that I could still be here to enjoy life with each of my pieces I believe that I detoured which left some to fend for themselves. As each piece would come to full view there became an overwhelming state of shame and guilt as I could see some of the devastation that was left behind. Although normal to feel guilt and shame, I knew too that in order to move forward it too was okay to let those feelings go, but not before apologizing for the past hurt, or what could have felt like betrayal, or disloyalty on my part.

It’s tough to stand at full attention, dropping ego to the floor, and at times your own feelings so that you can hold on to the weight of their feelings, and emotions while hearing their and your story from the place where they stood. What felt like unconditional love to me was that there has never been any judgement of me, to me, from their lips. Just stories of what happened on their journeys. They never held me in contempt or condemnation, never yelled, or spoke in a condescending tone: They just told me the story. I thank God for that because I didn’t want to be made to feel worse by them or by me for that matter. Sometimes when we make it about us we demand that they make us feel guilty, or more guilt so that we can bear the weight of what happened. There is little time nor energy for that. We have all been through something but the realization of it all is to continue to learn from, grow, and evolve those stories to make new and better ones. I cannot thank them enough for their handling of me in my mishandling of them.

As I continue to allow myself to be opened however it comes, I don’t feel gutted, but I can speak with honesty and saying that sometimes as I see me at some stages of life, I don’t like me.  I don’t like the me that left in the manner in which I did. I don’t like the me that detoured from the spontaneity of life and checked out on the people that mattered. I know that I didn’t do it on purpose, and I know that I did it with limited knowledge, sight, and vision but I do wish that I had done it differently. But even so, when I think about that statement I know that if I had, I wouldn’t be the same person that I am now, having the same experiences that I am now and who’s to say that they would’ve been better or worse. This is life. The one that I chose, and I believe that I have the capacity to live it and that is what I am going to do. So, I continue to allow self to be opened, taught, displayed, grown, evolved, and ultimately transfigured because one thing that I am sure of is that this ‘is’ what I put here to do.

 

 

 

 

In Limbo (The in-between place)


Sometimes it’s hard to talk about the in-between places. The places that feel like limbo. You’re not where you used to be but you’re not quite yet where you’re headed. You have faith enough to know that you’re close but the GPS seems to keep re-routing you. It’s the place where everything you once knew doesn’t work anymore, and the things you’re learning haven’t been tested enough to be proven and you’re still trying to figure out how to use them. That place where the person you used to be is taunting you for its equal return and the new you is lurking just close enough on the inside that at times it could be considered out; but it looks to be waiting for an invitation to do so. And, it’s not that you haven’t offered one, its impression is as if it’s awaiting the alignment of some magical space in time where everything needs to meet just so.

So let’s just say that right now ” I feel crazy” most of the time…lol. The new person you’re becoming sometimes feel like a suit that may not quite fit just yet. While you’re still gaining muscle to fill it in just right, and although you’re sure that you can fill those shoes, at the same time you’re doing that thing that most little girls do in their mothers heels, try to teach yourself to walk in them.

If I can explain it in detail I’d tell you that it’s that place where certainty kind of teases you from day to day. Where the ground that you walk on feels a little shaky and in spite of the foundation previously poured its as if the structure beneath your feet is somewhat changing. So much is happening all at the same time that concentration seems to escape you from time to time and you begin to act in ways that you never have before. Often asking yourself “Who was that?” You’re changing, morphing, and transfiguring into the ‘new’ you and your emotions at times can run high as you’re seeking and searching to figure it all out. You feel like those cartoon characters that are shape-shifting, a little painful and out of sorts. Meanwhile a new class is in session and it begins at ground zero. Its days before Kindergarten starts how many, you don’t know, but all you know is that you’re ready for first grade.

You’re realizing that every dimension has a process of levels and every time you get to a new dimension you must start all over from the beginning and it feels weird. A bit uncomfortable, and unnerving because you don’t know what to expect. It’s like being a freshman all over again, you’ve got to get acclimated, learn the ropes, and then you can begin to truly succeed just as you did on the last dimension.

Even still, I had wished that I could go on a 30 day retreat and that someone like Mr. Miyagi would show up and walk me through the lessons of life hand-in-hand so that I could surely be ready for the fight. Right now if anyone asks, my go to is the “Karate Kid” as the match to my hero’s journey. Previously like Daniel I too wanted to skip the whole ‘Wax on…Wax off” part and go straight to the fight but it doesn’t work that way. As you can see, Daniel got hurt. Even though he did, he won because the principles had been instilled in him.

Remember hero, that the journey is built on consistency. Opportunity or chance comes right at the moment that it is supposed to. So if you’re in the in between space, work the process, do your “Wax on…Wax Off” exercises and stick to the trail even when you feel like you’re going to fall off. When you step on to that platform to that next level you’ll be glad that you did.

Reset or Reboot


I like my privacy so much so that even though I work on the 4th floor I use the bathroom on the 3rd floor because there are less offices on that floor which means less people in the bathroom. (That’s just the precursor) Well, yesterday I walked down the stairs to the 3rd floor and down to the end of the hall to the restroom and handled my business. The next thing I knew I was opening the door inside the stairwell to the 4th floor only I wasn’t sure of where I was when I did. For about 2-3 seconds I was lost. I didn’t recognize the hallway and then I did. When I realized that I was now on the 4th floor about to enter the office to where I work, I walked in.

If any of you know me, you know that my mother suffered from alzheimers for over twenty years and had been diagnosed around the age of 53. I’m 49. Well anyway, of course that was the first thought that entered my puzzled mind as I opened the door to the office. My face must’ve been still puzzled when a co-worker asked me if I was okay. I told her what happened and she said I do that all of the time driving to work. I said “Yes, I’ve done it driving lots of times too” but I guess you can do it walking as well, it’s just that it has never happened to me before.” Even still, I chose to go with that instead of the alzheimers theory.

This morning when I got up I thought about the events that occurred the day before in between thoughts of other thoughts. Suddenly I became aware that my thoughts have been all over the place for a few months some finished and some unfinished; and that maybe yesterday’s event was a reset or reboot. I began to think about how many times we go through life on auto-pilot ending up somewhere we know but for some reason can’t recognize only because we have no clue of how we got there. Funny thing is, I’ve been in what I thought was a state of “mindfulness” trying to be mindful of all my intentions and forgetting to be mindful of the moment.

In my day to day any moment that I have in between work (theirs, mine, and the others) I try to stay on top of things and utilize every moment to do something else. The only problem with that is that I am not making time for myself. I’m bombarding myself with everything that I have to do while missing the moments to appreciate the things that I have done and where I am at now; physically, spiritually, and mentally. All I know is, I’ve got to do better. Yesterday’s wake up call leads me to believe that I need to harness the ‘Power of Now‘. I think this weekend I’ll take the time be still.

 

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JoVonna Williams- Conversations With Kai Mann


JoVonna Williams, a mother of three children whose life took a drastic turn at the early age of 29 years old when she was diagnosed with a Rare Auto Immune Condition “Eosinophilic Myenteric Ganglionitis” after undergoing surgery at Cleveland Clinic. She is the Fourth Person in the world to be diagnosed with this condition. Due to the severity of her chronic disease her work career was cut short and she is now on full disability.

JoVonna learned a long time ago that everything that looks bad isn’t always the case. She is currently working on her first book where she will tell her story and share a Testimony that many people won’t understand.

Inspite of JoVonna’s condition she tries to focus her passion on encouraging and helping others. She believes that it is important to give others a since of hope especially when they feel that no one cares about them. Sometimes a kind word and a listening ear can go a long way so she shares and give light along the way to those who need it. She says that God has given her a Gift of Compassion and she uses it to change lives one smile at a time.

Watch the Conversations With Kai Mann show Wednesdays at 7pm EST. Log on to http://www.watchthelivenetwork.com.

 

Kai Mann
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Executive Producer: Kai Mann
Producer: Lenderrick Jones
Creative Director: Yahminah McIntosh

Music: Sunny Day [audioblocks] audioblocks.com

Don’t Forget to Stand Out


“Today, be mindful to stand out.”

Sometimes it may be difficult to stand out because of the light that shines on us. Sometimes that light shines so bright that it shows our flaws, imperfections, mistakes, and our failures. This can make it hard to stand up in our truth because of how feel about those things. When we begin to understand that sometimes our lives are the lessons for others to see we can understand the light and therefore not be afraid of it. #letyourlightshine

Struggle


work

In the past because I am an organizer by Nature and like to keep things orderly and professional I used to have issues when things seemed to be in disarray. To help me get through this issue because the world is not orderly, organized or professional all the time the Creator saw fit to introduce me to one of my biggest challenges.

I worked for a radio station for over a year-and-a-half. We were starting something unique, something that was not going to be done on the scale that we were going to do it. We had such promise. There were many struggles: the equipment didn’t always work as it should, we were late getting on the air, sometimes guests due to time zone differences called in later, we would get to an event and it was not as it was told us that it would be, and there were times we would be missing equipment and would have to run and go purchase it. But those were some of the best times I’ve ever had. I got to work with some amazing people. We made do and of course there were some complaints but that time taught me how to flow through some of the toughest circumstances and not allow the experience to taint whatever we were doing. But most of all I learned that when you’re being Innovative that things will not always go as planned and most of the times that the plans will change after you’ve done a lot of the hard work but when you’re willing to forge ahead instead of it all it creates an intense tenacity and drive in you that it separates the men from the boys. When you’re smart you learn from those experiences and do it better the next time, so I strive to make each project I touch better every time. My strength or Superpower is that I live in a space of innovation and in that space I allow myself to change my mind, to throw away the work, start over, use the work differently, or go with the flow of the Universe. I found that when you’re not stuck to an idea or plan that is where the most creative magic happens and out of it is birthed some of the most beautiful moments in time. If I could change anything I would not, the experience forever solidified that this is what I am to do and I love what I do. #superpower #innovative #trendsetter #empirebuilder

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