Don’t Get Sucked In


me, GROWING AND PROUD OF MYSELF.

This morning I sit and create with the thoughts that God gave me. I am reminded of two videos I started working on for a client late yesterday and how to top them off. And then, my thoughts go to a meeting that I have on Monday. At the end of this meeting we get to talk about what good thing happened to us since the last meeting. I contemplate how I have been privy to see people’s real intentions as of late. Although it’s been longer than 30 days this entire year so far has been about communication. Mainly mine. Preparation began for this during the third quarter of 2017 where the focus was on Self talk, Self-expression, how I communicate with others and respond to their actions. I’ve been privileged to see people for who they really are but the key hasn’t been about them but about me. What will I do with the information and how will I react. Knowing someone’s real intentions or feelings and not reacting with hate, malice, or judgement of their thoughts, actions, or intentions tells more about you than them. These past 30 days has been allowing this knowledge to turn into wisdom.

Late last year a private email of a co-worker was somehow sent to me. It was an email between herself and her fiancé about me “acting black”. I was hurt and felt a bit disturbed because I had not seen this coming. Was I distracted? How did I not know that she felt some kind of way about black people? She and I laugh together, finish each other’s songs and watch some of the same shows together that have mostly black characters. When I checked my email when I got in the office that morning, I remember sitting and reading it over and over. I originally thought that she meant to forward the email to someone else in the office, but I thought “no”, because that person has blacks in their family, so I don’t think that it was meant for them. When she came in the office I calmly waited for her to get situated after we said, “Good morning” and then I asked if she had anything that she wanted to tell me. She said “No.” I then forwarded her email back to her and asked her to check her email. She did and instead of speaking with me about it she immediately went to our boss. I felt slighted once again, like why couldn’t you and I just talk about this. Maybe she thought that I was going to fly off the handle. I didn’t. I was shook but I realized that I had been prepared for this the night before when speaking to a friend about something she was creating called “Just say it”.  My friend created a platform called “Just say it” where people can have a safe space to just say how they really feel. She felt that this was a way for us to begin to learn about how we really feel and about others and how they feel. She thought it was a way for all of us to heal and I agreed so which meant if I really felt that way this situation I found myself currently in would allow for me to react in a different manner and so, I did.

I’ve previously written about how people come up to me and just start telling me intimate stories of their lives and how I feel that it is part of my purpose here on earth to allow people to have a safe space to say things that they couldn’t otherwise say to someone else or maybe for them to release those things.  There too are people who just come up to me and say out of the way things as well to me about me that many people would just go off about and I don’t. I realize that when people come up to me that I am a light, a refuge of sort and that light will draw anyone who needs it even those who don’t know how to respond to it. It’s not about me it’s about them. So even when people come up to me who I don’t know and say something about what I’m wearing or even what I’m doing I’ve come to understand that it’s about them and not me so don’t get upset or angry in response.

When all my energy is not focused or directed in a specific place I am open to the energy fields of those around me. It’s a good thing at times because I can feel when someone needs something which could just mean that in that moment they feel afraid and just need for someone to stand with them. I feel that, and I stand with them without saying that I feel that they do. On the opposite of that I’ve been able to feel people’s negative intentions or feelings where I am concerned as well. It is normal when you can feel someone’s disdain, dislike, displeasure or ill-intentions towards you to want to be on the defense so that you can defend yourself, but I realize there is no need. The key is to remain in a space of love. People often get sucked in thinking that you must defend or shield yourself from someone else’s actions, but the key is to be able to hold a space of love in your heart even when you know the truth. Remember, it’s not about you, it’s about them but how you react is all about you. I believe you should love yourself enough to react differently so that you’re not disappointed later by your actions.

Anytime that we find out how someone truly feels about us we can focus all our energy on being prepared for their next move and how to one-up them or we can focus our energy on how we want to react. Our reactions say more about where we are in our lives. It says if we’ve mastered a level where we walk in reaction to others, being pulled in every direction or if we are strong enough to resist the urge of those low-level things and can now move to the next level. It’s who you’ve said that you wanted to be, it’s hard to be it but you can’t just say it and not mean it or work to be it.

Saying who you are and being that person takes two different types of energy. We strive to be that person who has mastered those things, so we say that we are but it’s almost like saying we are because it sounds good but with no real intent or action to do the work it takes to be it. We’ve heard others say it and it sounds good on them, so we feel we must say it too but don’t have a real concept of it, what it looks like or even why we should say it or even be it for that matter. If you’ve ever worked in a call center you know that you work from a script. Everyone is supposed to say the same thing. In a call center you can hear everyone’s conversation and occasionally, someone will deviate from the script and what they’ve said sounds good and you hear yourself say “That sounds good, I’m going to say that the next time too.” So, the next time you’re in that situation where those words fit you say them. You don’t know why other than it just sounds good so you said it.

I listen to teachings on YouTube while I work because I work a lot and don’t get to read often. Sometimes at work I’m so focused on what they’re saying in the YouTube video that I’m listening to that I don’t always hear what’s going on around me. It hasn’t always been because I don’t get to read often but also to be honest, mostly to retreat from what’s going on around me at the same time. For some time now, I’ve been allowing myself a little time to focus less on that and tuning in to some of the frequencies around me and I sometimes feel the negative intentions or feelings of others when they walk past. Sometimes it can be hard to feel their energy and not match it but again, I don’t want to be pulled into the madness of others, my goal is to maintain my own frequency even in chaos or ill-feelings or intent. Some days I win and others I don’t even if it is not said aloud, anytime when I allow my feelings to match theirs I’ve lost.

Little by little for the last month I’ve been packing to move. I’ve been working so much that I waited until the last minute to find a place. However, God saw fit to bless me to not be homeless and be able to move from one place to another seamlessly, so I thought. My new leasing office called me to say that my new apartment will not be ready on the 15th as planned, something came up and that it won’t be ready until the 19th. They said they would try to find another apartment and would let me know by the end of the day if they could. I didn’t get shaken I just said “This is going to be difficult as I have to be out of my current place on the 15th and would have to spend extra money to store my belongings and find a hotel to stay for the four days. At that time, they let me know that I should be able to stay at my current apartment for four extra days, so I called my current leasing office. When I called to ask the person that I usually speak with when I have problems she was not there. I asked to speak to her because not only is she the manager but when I’ve had to pay my rent late I’ve called and spoke with her. Her not being there was alignment working at its best. There was a gentleman who answered the phone who was new. After telling me the manager wasn’t in I told him what my situation was, and he told me that they basically had to let me stay it’s in my signed contract but that he would let the manager know what my issue was and have her to call me. Well, the new leasing office was not able to turn-around another apartment, so they called to let me know. The next morning, I called my current leasing office again and the person I wanted to speak with the day prior answered the phone. I asked her if she received my message, she said she had and that I was on her list to call back. She asked me if it was possible for them to have my apartment ready on the 15th and I told her no that they had an issue with the tub and had to send out for a new one and that it wouldn’t be ready until the 19th. I told her that I had nowhere else to go and that I needed to remain in my apartment until the 19th. She told me that was unfortunate as I was slated to move on the 15th and she had tenants moving in. The tone she used was one I had not heard before, so I told her that I was told because I had signed an agreement with your company that I would be allowed to stay the additional days. Not allowing her tone to affect mine. She then began to change her tone because I had a piece of information that she didn’t know that I had and said “Well, let me see what I can do. I’ll try to find another apartment for the tenants and I’ll let you know later today.” It’s funny how all this time I thought she was a fair person and I often gave her praises and thanked her for being such. Finding out that she would’ve pushed me out of my apartment taking advantage of my lack of information had I not known that because I signed an agreement with the leasing company that I could stay additional days made me feel some kind of way when I got off the phone with her. Later that day she called and left a voicemail message saying that “I could stay until the 19th but that they would need the keys by noon that day.” That was jarring for me to know that she would’ve put me out knowing that I had nowhere else to go because I didn’t know that I could’ve stayed. I thanked God for giving me insider information prior to speaking with her and then I asked myself “How will you handle this when you see her?” Remember, this says more about her than it does me but how I choose to handle this now says more about me than it does her.

The moral to these stories is that I’m really beginning to understand self-love on another level. Loving myself means that I chose to be a better person as the opportunity presents. That I chose to communicate on a higher frequency. That even with new information I can still choose to live in peace. In peace with myself, my actions, and my responses. That I can choose my energy and what I will focus on. That I have the power to love myself in such a way that I don’t need to disappoint myself and over react to situations to prove that love. That every time that I do, it makes me stronger and more powerful.

 

me, I AM GROWING AND I AM PROUD OF MYSELF.

 

 

 

Kai-ology….The study of Kai

 

Let The Dead Bury The Dead


Okay, so if you follow me on Facebook you know that I post quite a bit of questions, “be mindful” quotes, inspirational flyers and posts to inspire thought. Recently I posted “Let the dead bury the dead”. This was actually posted after I was thinking about Easter and the concept of, traditionalized, and ritualistic events that we partake of during this season.  I wondered if “Jesus” would rather us focus on going within and finding our purpose and what we came to do rather than celebrating his death and resurrection. I wondered if he thought we were too focused on dead things. Dead rituals, dead traditions, dead relationships, and that only the dead could continue to bury the dead year after year, generation after generation. At what point do we begin to do something different realizing the state of the dead walking. And then I started thinking about the concept of Jesus…anyway, my thoughts can sometimes go deeper so rather than posting all of that I just posted “let the dead bury the dead” wondering what others would think of that statement. After posting it I had a family member reply with a bit of concern. I’m laughing at it now because I can see how some could be concerned if their perception of me was depressive. Well, I stated that I was okay and basically that the post was about perception. But this actually got me to thinking after it was said that I’ve given the perception that I was serious. It is no perception at all, I am serious. I’ve always been that way. Don’t get me wrong, that is not the total sum of who I am, but I have always had a serious nature. To really love me you have to know me and not the perception of who you believe me to be.

Many of us say “you don’t know me” and it’s just a thing that is said to another when questioned about an act or deed when something out of the norm was done. But I realized that no one outside of my partner and God really knows me. I believe that my life’s purpose is to be a change, or transformations agent if you will, and my higher self has sown the seeds within my platform of self-love, self-growth, and self-development. A lot of my posts on social media has been about others and what they think, encouraging and empowering them. As a person with a Scorpionic nature I could be called secretive but that’s not who I am really. I share much of me through my writing but those things that are deep I have reserved for the space that call for them. Which normally means for those who too enjoy the more deep, thoughtful conversations and have a need for me to share them. My apple cart would be to have more of these type conversations as this is where I feel most at home.

In my life, I have been the person that people come tell their deepest secrets to. I’m not kidding either, I have people walk up to me in stores or wherever and just start talking to me and telling me intimate things about them. For many I have been the person that has been an ear, the secret keeper, a voice of reason, or given to wisdom. But during this time, no one has really asked me outside of my partner, about me. What do I like, what do I think, what do I need, what do I feel? That is my role within this universe, what I agreed to before I came here and I don’t take it lightly, nor do I bitch and moan about it because that is why I am here; but I believe that I do begin to wonder when people assume that I am one way or given to a perception that I am another way because they never asked.

I then began to think about the relationships that I have with people who are family members and those that would call me friend, I realized that even if they are associated with me by blood, some sort of friendship, or business relationship that they don’t really know me at all. They’ve felt close to me because I have encouraged, supported, filled a void or space in their lives but there has not been much reciprocation. For my family members, they know me from whatever age we last had interaction and for most people that’s who you still are.  I’ve walked a lone path for much of my life. Not lonely or alone, just lone. I am not uncomfortable with this part of me. It has been who I have been for most of my life. It was who I was groomed to be. It was who I circumstantially was destined to be, this is my assignment and I am okay with it. So, not for myself but for others to see, I did a post that said I would give a $100 to the person who could answer all six questions, only because I knew no one could. I wanted to dissolve a perception that I believe people have of me. And these were they:

  1. Why did I change my name to Kai?
  2. What makes me laugh?
  3. What makes me cry?
  4. What is my favorite day of the week?
  5. What has the last 5 years been like for me?
  6. What am I most proud of?

 

 

I am A Seeker


Just a few facts about the nature of who I am so that you may better understand me, my posts, my actions, or lack of action in some cases.
I am a seeker. I seek truth and a deeper meaning to life through spirituality. I don’t mind telling my truth and I am anything but superficial about it. If I am wrong, I never have a problem saying that I am, apologizing and trying to effect change to move forward from that wrong. I can be a loner at times as I truly prefer deeper conversation and stimulation, however that does not mean that I don’t like to laugh. As a matter of fact, I can be really silly at times. I don’t mind confrontation as I know it to be a way of growth and change if we are to do so especially when done correctly. If you’ve been a part of my social sphere for at least 3 or more years you’ll notice that I have been in a constant state of change and transformation. I am committed to a life of transformation; dying, resurrecting, and regenerating. It is a part of who I am as a person, I came into this world this way and I tend to at times be obsessive about that change and transformation especially in times of feeling stuck. So, balance is always important to me. My posts somewhat strategic in nature are always designed to inspire thought and self love, more so to get us to think more about our own power and nature and truly love who we are. I also try to inspire others to keep going. It is my way of having a closer connection with others who are seeking the same but may need some confirmation, support or empowerment. There are parts of me that some people may not like as I can come of self centered but I am not. (I used to come off as self-righteous and I was.) However, I love people and I’m most interested in their growth. Sometimes who I am can come off as cold or emotionless because I am severely focused and at times that leaves no room for much else but that which I am focused upon. It is never my intention to make anyone else feel like they don’t matter but I border on obsessive when I am trying to accomplish something. On the flip side of things I am not afraid of the darker side of life. I understand the yin and yang of life, so I have the ability to examine and explore those parts of me, others, and different forms of spirituality to get a better understanding of life. (This part of me is newly recognized. I used to be afraid, something that had to do with religion) I understand that everything in life is not always good or bad in which the law of duality explains. And that life isn’t always on the up, as the law of rhythm states that the pendulum swings both ways. We must be able to deal with both sides of the swing. But, I have always had a great need to work, walk, and delve into the things of the spirit that represent consciousness to a higher level. I am always looking to learn more. I seek knowledge wherever I can find it to help me tap into my higher self because I believe there is always more. I constantly challenge myself and others to look at ourselves in a way that encourages and promote self love, self growth and self-evolution whatever that may mean for each of us. For me this has caused me to transform at different periods during life, leaving some to know a different Kai that may no longer exist. But my posts pretty much say it all. If you’d like to know more I’m always available but not through inbox, messenger or DM’s. I’m not hard to find though. #transformation#transmutation #inspiration #seeker #seekerforlife#truth #lawofduality #lawofrhythm #universallaws#selflove #selfgrowth #selfevolution

Reflection (2017)


There are years in one’s life that will most certainly be remembered. 2017 is that year for me.  It was the year that everything that I thought I knew was tested. About myself, the people around me, and the systems that I had once relied upon to get me through every moment of the day. It tested processes that I had in place for most of my life that worked and now many of them failed. A life that had been perfected and mastered, broke and failed under the weight of it all. It was as if I awoke one day in January 2017 and everything I had learned prior was no longer valid and I had to start from scratch and learn a ‘new’ thing.

For most of 2017 I felt lost and at times abandoned. The abandonment didn’t come because there wasn’t anyone in my corner but that the ease that walked with me through the course of my life had seemed to leave me at my greatest time of need. The person that I knew of myself was stripped of every virtue one by one. The lack of difficulty in learning and moving through this period unlike many others had seemed to dissipate. Leaving me clueless when lessons seemed harder to get, maintain, and implement.

We read books and hear stories about the hero’s journey and at some point, throughout our lives we realize that we too are on our own hero’s journey. I’ve been on this journey for quite some time but 2017 has truly dismantled the foundation of who I was/am.  The slab of concrete that once held my entire belief system in my world rocked to the core as if an earthquake came along and destroyed everything.

To describe it, one would say that walking inside the vessel known as me was like walking around after the quake was over and there was no room to step. No solid ground to stand on. As you began to move all you knew to do was to try and pick up as many pieces as you could so that you had a place to freely stand. One would think that the more pieces were up the better chance you had to be secure but the aftershocks wouldn’t allow for it so you just kept repeating the steps until you no longer had to.

The composure once held, that signaled a dominance of distinguishment now suggests something else. I can tell that I’m being made over and the feeling one gets during this process is to ask, “who am I” meanwhile bricks continue to fall. Oh, you cannot tell on the outside by looking in. Well, on most days and at least that is what I tell myself. But, if you’re in close proximity to me and you have ever studied me you know that something is not quite right.

Ah, but it is. It is quite right. This is the place in between the place. This is where every person who has reached for greatness has been. As I realized what was happening I began to shift my perspective. I started to lean into it as much as I could. Some days I won, but many others the contrast won. I’d try giving in to the fact that I was no longer the master and had found myself in unfamiliar territory trying to swim in areas where the levees broke, and the water was too high. I was being rebuilt and it was exhaustive at best. In previous years I had the focus of a guru and now it was trying just to concentrate.

I was being broken down to be rebuilt to create a new foundation, a new structure, one to hold the new truths, new processes, and new systems for the next life that I am to adventure. 2017 broke the mold in order to get a new one. It offered and marked the end to an era but not without first extending a time of healing from the tearing down and the brokenness that one would feel from so much trauma during any natural disaster.

As devastating as a natural disaster is, it happens naturally and is caused by a need for change, restructure, and newness of opportunity once survival has been obtained. It is like a time of purification. The key is to survive it. Many people can’t get past the devastation of the disaster to ask the tough questions like ‘why’ and “what can we learn from it.” Although I am still learning some lessons from even the earlier part of 2017’s wrath I know how important it was to live through it and to use it as the compass for the next part of my life.

If you ask me what 2017 taught me I’ll tell you quite a bit but to get the full disclosure come back on Monday, January 14th when I will go in full detail.  This year, the Kai Mann blog will post every 1st and 3rd Monday of the month.  Stay tuned, I’ve got some amazing experiences, thoughts, and ideas that I want to share with you. If you like what you read, do me the honor of sharing it with anyone that you believe that it will resonate with. You can also check out the Kaiology Mann YouTube channel for videos and please do subscribe. I appreciate you and stand with you in the building of your 2018. Let’s get it!

 

 

2017 A Year Of Reconciliation


When it is time to be alone everyone you know will disappear. Not in the definition of vanishing and that you are unsure of where they are, or that you yourself didn’t have something to do with their disappearance but it will happen because it is time.  When it is time for you to take in account for the life that you have created you must reconcile the balances of deposits and withdrawals you have taken or given. There is a Divine space of Contemplation of what is, what was, and how it all has affected you, and the people who have walked in the same spaces with you. 2017 has been that year for me, a year of reconciliation. A year to reconcile or balance the accounts and transactions that I have made throughout the years.

The first step was reconciling the discrepancies and over 49 years there have been many. You see, when you reconcile a discrepancy it begins with the date a transaction was done. This relates to the stories we have told ourselves since the transactions, to account for and balance them. We may have reconciled it since that date with ourselves but if there was anyone else involved it must also be reconciled with them as well. When this happens the story usually changes because listening you now hear it from their perspective and can garner a full picture. This picture usually changes from what your limited vision has been to seeing a picture in its entirety. A 360 view. Now, seeing everything, you must come to grips with what you will do with the picture you now see.

As 2017 progressed I’ve been going over my life piece by piece. Dealing with one thing at a time; myself, my children, my family, my relationships, and friendships. What I feel as each part of my life has been called to be reconciled I’ve learned that I’ve walked in a space of what borders on selfishness and abandonment depending on the side of the road that I am walking and on what day. No matter the time or day, it is surely the time to be reconciled with all my past actions. The scales of life are now balanced, and the time of judgement is now due. This judgement I exact upon myself as the consequences of life bears down on me.  It bears down not in a fit of angry rage but of truth, and genuine conversations and thought. No malice or ill-will intended, the bearing down comes from wanting to feel lighter as I move into this next phase of life and try to understand the breadth of what is weighing me down. And without hesitation or apprehension I resist not the bearing down as I have demanded of my higher self to know and understand more, and this bearing down comes as a result of what has transpired.

The time has come for me to see with full vision how the other half has lived. While being in a state of what was deemed as “Saving myself” so that I could still be here to enjoy life with each of my pieces I believe that I detoured which left some to fend for themselves. As each piece would come to full view there became an overwhelming state of shame and guilt as I could see some of the devastation that was left behind. Although normal to feel guilt and shame, I knew too that in order to move forward it too was okay to let those feelings go, but not before apologizing for the past hurt, or what could have felt like betrayal, or disloyalty on my part.

It’s tough to stand at full attention, dropping ego to the floor, and at times your own feelings so that you can hold on to the weight of their feelings, and emotions while hearing their and your story from the place where they stood. What felt like unconditional love to me was that there has never been any judgement of me, to me, from their lips. Just stories of what happened on their journeys. They never held me in contempt or condemnation, never yelled, or spoke in a condescending tone: They just told me the story. I thank God for that because I didn’t want to be made to feel worse by them or by me for that matter. Sometimes when we make it about us we demand that they make us feel guilty, or more guilt so that we can bear the weight of what happened. There is little time nor energy for that. We have all been through something but the realization of it all is to continue to learn from, grow, and evolve those stories to make new and better ones. I cannot thank them enough for their handling of me in my mishandling of them.

As I continue to allow myself to be opened however it comes, I don’t feel gutted, but I can speak with honesty and saying that sometimes as I see me at some stages of life, I don’t like me.  I don’t like the me that left in the manner in which I did. I don’t like the me that detoured from the spontaneity of life and checked out on the people that mattered. I know that I didn’t do it on purpose, and I know that I did it with limited knowledge, sight, and vision but I do wish that I had done it differently. But even so, when I think about that statement I know that if I had, I wouldn’t be the same person that I am now, having the same experiences that I am now and who’s to say that they would’ve been better or worse. This is life. The one that I chose, and I believe that I have the capacity to live it and that is what I am going to do. So, I continue to allow self to be opened, taught, displayed, grown, evolved, and ultimately transfigured because one thing that I am sure of is that this ‘is’ what I put here to do.

 

 

 

 

In Limbo (The in-between place)


Sometimes it’s hard to talk about the in-between places. The places that feel like limbo. You’re not where you used to be but you’re not quite yet where you’re headed. You have faith enough to know that you’re close but the GPS seems to keep re-routing you. It’s the place where everything you once knew doesn’t work anymore, and the things you’re learning haven’t been tested enough to be proven and you’re still trying to figure out how to use them. That place where the person you used to be is taunting you for its equal return and the new you is lurking just close enough on the inside that at times it could be considered out; but it looks to be waiting for an invitation to do so. And, it’s not that you haven’t offered one, its impression is as if it’s awaiting the alignment of some magical space in time where everything needs to meet just so.

So let’s just say that right now ” I feel crazy” most of the time…lol. The new person you’re becoming sometimes feel like a suit that may not quite fit just yet. While you’re still gaining muscle to fill it in just right, and although you’re sure that you can fill those shoes, at the same time you’re doing that thing that most little girls do in their mothers heels, try to teach yourself to walk in them.

If I can explain it in detail I’d tell you that it’s that place where certainty kind of teases you from day to day. Where the ground that you walk on feels a little shaky and in spite of the foundation previously poured its as if the structure beneath your feet is somewhat changing. So much is happening all at the same time that concentration seems to escape you from time to time and you begin to act in ways that you never have before. Often asking yourself “Who was that?” You’re changing, morphing, and transfiguring into the ‘new’ you and your emotions at times can run high as you’re seeking and searching to figure it all out. You feel like those cartoon characters that are shape-shifting, a little painful and out of sorts. Meanwhile a new class is in session and it begins at ground zero. Its days before Kindergarten starts how many, you don’t know, but all you know is that you’re ready for first grade.

You’re realizing that every dimension has a process of levels and every time you get to a new dimension you must start all over from the beginning and it feels weird. A bit uncomfortable, and unnerving because you don’t know what to expect. It’s like being a freshman all over again, you’ve got to get acclimated, learn the ropes, and then you can begin to truly succeed just as you did on the last dimension.

Even still, I had wished that I could go on a 30 day retreat and that someone like Mr. Miyagi would show up and walk me through the lessons of life hand-in-hand so that I could surely be ready for the fight. Right now if anyone asks, my go to is the “Karate Kid” as the match to my hero’s journey. Previously like Daniel I too wanted to skip the whole ‘Wax on…Wax off” part and go straight to the fight but it doesn’t work that way. As you can see, Daniel got hurt. Even though he did, he won because the principles had been instilled in him.

Remember hero, that the journey is built on consistency. Opportunity or chance comes right at the moment that it is supposed to. So if you’re in the in between space, work the process, do your “Wax on…Wax Off” exercises and stick to the trail even when you feel like you’re going to fall off. When you step on to that platform to that next level you’ll be glad that you did.

InkMann Press–Paying Attention


Love, honor, and cherish the spaces that you find yourself in, for life can change rather quickly.–Kai Mann

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I have found myself in a space of take-it-all-in’edness. I know that’s not a word but it so describes the spirit I am in. I have been paying attention to what the Universe has given me privilege to partake in and to view from the seat of my own soul. Perceptions and perspectives have changed over the last twelve months allowing my spirit to open wide with transformative intentions. I would be lying if I said the entire twelve months I have gone willingly. You would have thought I would; I would’ve thought I would, but there were parts of me unwilling to open the eyes of my understanding to see past my own lids. Some things I fought against like a child holding on to its last days of childhood forbidding going into adulthood. That part of me has decreased today as the more adult me is able to talk the child into moving forward when the motion is necessary out of future pain or suffering.

 

You see, rarely do we understand that what we might feel now will not compare to what we’ll feel later if we do not move when the opportunity presents itself. If you’ve ever gotten the chance to live when others have not: or to witness life happen to someone else in a way that if misconstrued you’d get the rest of life  all wrong, then you knew that it was purpose. It was purpose that granted you access to see the view at the top of the mountain, to tell a story, to learn a lesson, or to help someone else. I thank God that I have been able to see and feel life from a different vantage point. A vantage point, that if I had not seen correctly, I would’ve missed the advantage.

 

For most of my life I hated to see people about to get into trouble, be in pain, or anything that could hurt them. I’d turn away. I couldn’t even watch a movie that I could feel the protagonist’s trouble before it happened and would get up to go do something so I wouldn’t have to watch that part of the movie. My DNA is programmed to want others to win and when it would look as if they weren’t I would turn my head away so as not to see them lose. One thing I had failed to realize was that I hated to see my own self lose. I’d turn my head away from me when I felt I was about to get into trouble, make a mistake, or be in pain just so I wouldn’t have to witness it.

 

Today what I have learned from that behavior was that the pre-warned feelings were giving me the opportunity to change course, correct my sail, or to just do something different. I hadn’t realized that my instincts were protecting me so I wouldn’t have to experience whatever trouble, mistake, or pain so drastically. Me diverting my attention or closing my eyes would cause the most intense pain because I’d still have to drive right through it even with eyes wide shut making the devastation much worse.

 

On a different street but in the same neighborhood I too realized that shying away from the experiences of others would leave me hallow. To live life as a shell of a person who lacked depth because she had denied herself the privilege of experiencing life through the eyes of another. I can’t say that it has been easy but the connections I have made just opening myself up to experiencing my own life, as well as the lives of others, has added value to my soul. No longer will I allow myself to miss out on the moments for fear that they may turn ugly, when all of life is so beautiful.

InkMann Press–Lessons, Blessings, and Weeds


InkMann Press Series–Lessons, Blessings, & Weeds

“Diversions disguised as anything that would hinder you from the goal, purpose, plan, or process occurs when discipline fails to meet commitment.” –Kai Mann

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The blessings in life happen when we position ourselves to receive more. When we start to allow what we learn to seep into our pores we can obtain all that life has to offer. It’s easy to get caught up in everyday life but when we learn to focus our attention on where we are and what we do, we don’t get distracted from the process.

At every stage of the growth process we are faced with situations that test the strength of our commitments. Financial woes, family members in need, a loss of a job, or people in general can disrupt our flow when we do not know our position or how to hold our position. Often when life’s trials and tribulations come we fold into the opposition and forget where we are and what we are doing. We tend to focus on all that is going on around us instead of the changes that we need to make within us. In doing this, we begin to lose our place. Our inability to focus and recognize the opportunity disguised in struggle often hinders our growth. We get stuck and often move backwards not realizing that we can still reach the height in which we seek.

Opposition in perspective reveals our strength and our character. When we operate in a state of awareness we are able to train ourselves to see opposition as opportunities thus decreasing the blow and effect they have upon our lives. It’s in this state that we most times can understand the reason why things happen which helps us to become better.

None of us are immune to tribulations of life However, we all handle them differently. Many of us allow what we go through to stop us, others to propel us, and many to fuel us. When I really think about it, it gives us a new skill set so to speak, thus it is imperative that we understand the lessons we learn in depth so that we can get it right. And the getting it right from the inside out is a blessing within itself. Many of us are distracted with the “when are things going to happen to me” question. But the answer to that question is that the blessings only really come when we take the time to reflect upon our under-developed strength and our developed strengths.

When we’ve done the work from the inside out is when we’re able to be more of a blessing to others. When we don’t take the time to absorb the lessons that we receive in life it’s easier to get distracted by the process which keeps us from moving forward. This brings about a stand still. We all know what happens when we stand still for too long, grass grows under our feet, and weeds grow around us.  It’s the weeds that represent those situations and people on the journey that for one reason or another distract us, keep us stuck, and prevent us from moving forward.

We must train and groom our minds daily to remove the weeds and replace them with healthier perspectives. It’s a part of the process and our responsibility that at every stage and on every level we to take the time to self assess. This level of action only comes with discipline, commitment, and consistency which we are all capable of. The process isn’t a quick one nor is easy, but again, we all can do it. Some lessons take longer than others while the need to reflect may also take just as long. When we try to rush the process we miss the lessons, the blessings, and often the positions that come with it.

When we’re in tight spaces we’re often being challenged to grow. Most of us want it to be over as quickly as possible but there are a certain few of us who understand that the lesson in the situation will help us to reach the next level. Basically in order to pass “Go” we’ve got to stop, reflect, learn, and grow. This process helps us to position ourselves for the next tight space or challenge. These tight spaces or challenges should simply be called ‘opportunities’ because that’s exactly what they are. You decide at which angle you’ll position yourself to see it as a challenge or opportunity and what you’ll do with it. Just remember how you choose to look at the situations in your life will determine if you’ll live in regret or joy.

Whenever we look at our lives as full of opportunities to grow and no longer allow outside stressors, pressures, or ‘weeds’ to distract us we make lasting changes. These lasting changes happen when we are disciplined and committed to the process.  It is our commitment level that determines the height at which we’ll reach. Those whose commitment levels are high not only reach the height at which they seek but they’ll be rewarded for what they have worked so hard to obtain.

Everything in life is a lesson. When the test come, don’t allow people, circumstances, or trials to distract you or take you off your path. Remove the weeds when they begin to grow and move forward as time permits.  Don’t rush the process as everything comes when you are ready, and if it does not, it just means that you still have something else that you must do.

 

 

InkMann Press Series–Slow Jams


 

InkMann Press–Slow Jams

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Along the journey we will experience periods where things seem to be at a standstill.  This is a time when it seems as if something physical is in the way of us moving further into our purpose. Some of us experience this period as a blockage or obstacle and we often feel stuck or get distracted. Even though we have this need to move to the other side of this experience, we sometimes lack the fortitude to do so. As days go by we slowly allow the blockage or obstacle to slow down our momentum which ultimately causes a jam in our growth process.

 

There are two ways of looking at a “standstill” moment that happens on a path of the journey. One way is to look at it through eyes that lack vision. Eyes that have no vision see this period as a stale mate thinking they haven’t won but neither has the other side. They get distracted and move on to something else momentary. The other half will feel cheated and stay stuck in the moment: never moving any further because they are afraid that what they want is not on the other side. When we’re able to comprehend what this period is for we’ll understand that all we believe, dream, and hope for is attainable and we’ll use this period like a training camp for the Best of the best. There are those of us who are willing to do this because we know this time is limited and that we must use it to get better. The main goal for anyone during this period is to know every tool in their own arsenal. They know that they need to know how those tools work and when they work best.

 

This period is the period of all periods. It helps you to get all the answers to all the questions you’ve ever asked and just had to know. You get the time to read up on everything that will help you to grow. You get to mull over the lessons that you are learning, as well as learn how to use what you’re learning for the next whatever on your journey. You get to plan how you’ll use the lesson during your next situation. You get to prepare yourself for the vision that you’ve created for yourself. You get to plan it out and watch it happen as it unfolds. This period is so much more for the person has dares to have a vision for it.

 

It’s not that those lacking vision can’t gain some insight or have an “Aha” type moment and begin to move past the slow jam and understand what this moment is for. Everything is possible when we work to find out more during this period. A standstill offers a time to work through issues that could potentially cause problems and hinder us from moving forward.  These hindrances can begin to build jams or cause obstacles in our life when we refuse to move forward psychologically. Seeing little happening at this time is often due to our inability to gain the full understanding what to do with the time we have.

 

When we are in the space where nothing seems to be happening little do we know that’s when everything is happening. This area of time is fertile ground because whatever we plant or water during this season is what we produce when it’s time to harvest. Those that use this time wisely know that during this hour, the time becomes now to hone our skills and master our craft. No one who goes into battle practices during the battle.

 

Many people get fooled into thinking that nothing is happening during this period when this period is proven to be the most crucial. It is the period where we either make it or break it. We have all been given a certain amount of time with a specific goal of mastering ourselves.  If you allow yourself to get distracted you risk losing your place in life and have to go back to the beginning. Although this period can get a little lonely, the alone time done right will ensure that when you come out you’ll be the best you that you’ve ever been. And because you used your time wisely you’ll be that much more of a light to the people you want to help most. Most people can’t get past the point of not being able to sit still and work. In fantasy the dream seems closer but in reality it takes work. Have the courage to only dream for you but to go after everything else as well.

 

Catapulting your dreams into reality comes when you dedicate yourself to working on those areas that stop you from being the person you want to be. That’s what you are doing when you say yes to life. Saying yes to life often means that you will say yes to the moments like standstills that might not feel like movement because they feel like work. Work was created to bring out the best in you so that you could walk in your gift with a level of confidence and pride. For most of us the goal is to be able to take care of ourselves and our families with our gift.

 

When you use the time allotted to master yourself, no one can beat you at being you. No one can do the things you do because you have mastered you. And no one else can master you without your permission.  Use your standstill moment to help you gain control of your under-developed areas. Be creative while standing still so that you cut out those habits that would hinder you from moving forward.

InkMann Press–Thriving


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We’ve been surviving for years, but when asked to thrive, the question become “how?” The Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary and Thesaurus defines thriving as; to grow luxuriantly, to flourish, and to gain wealth or possessions. When we begin to ponder the evolution of thriving we must first come to the conclusion that life should be more than just a game of survival. While survival is useful at certain points in our lives, thriving leads us to do more. Thriving says that we will no longer do those things every day that doesn’t benefit us in any way, shape, or form. Thriving demands that we grow in every area of our lives.

 

Expanding past the norm, we thrive in a way that brings about transformational living in its rarest forms. This transformational living can only come when we take heed to the lessons that we’ve learned and expound upon them.  When you build upon the lesson that you learn, you create the life you want, and that is the ultimate act of thriving. Often when we learn something we learn for the moment unless it evokes some type of pain or emotion that teaches us the lesson. For some people it takes a few times of repeating the same mistake in order to really get the lesson. The others learn faster. But, when you’re able to take the lesson and put it with the other tools that you have in your tool box to master yourself; you now get the maximum benefit from the outcome.

 

Thriving insists that we thoroughly understand the lessons that we are learning and how they are unique to us. When we understand what the lesson is for we can begin to know how to use it to our advantage so that we can better serve ourselves first, and then others. Most people would have a problem with me placing ourselves first in the previous sentence but in order to serve others you must first know how to serve you. When we secure ourselves first we allow our souls to take root and cause us to be grounded. If we have no root and have not been grounded we cannot have a foundation for others to stand. When we know who we are and what we’re capable of we know our own worth and are not afraid to stand in it. So remember, the goal is to always place your oxygen mask on first, then others. We cannot thrive if we cannot survive. This was something I had to come to the understanding of when I took a look at my life personally and professionally. I knew that I wanted to be at a place where I was my best self. And I knew that being my best or highest self required a bit more thought, planning, strategy, and execution. I chose to expend the energy to learn consistently in a way that would instill the lessons deep inside through repetition.

 

One day while planning how I would give my clients the best customer service: I perceived that I had to serve them in a different way to begin the shift for the future. I had been schooled on how that everything I did for my clients should be based upon where my company was headed and not where it was. I would always be ahead of the game if I planned it that way. A thriving company prepares for the here-after; even if you’re unsure there will be one. In planning how to best service them I recall that I still had to serve them while maintaining the things I was already committed to doing, as well as those tasks I had to do for myself. This meant that I had to step my game up a couple of notches if I wanted to ensure balance and order, personally as well. It was important for me to keep balance in order to thrive. Thriving goes past survival: it’s where you go to reach your dreams and create new ones. The goal of thriving is made manifest when everything in your world at any given time is spinning on its axis harmoniously and consistently.

 

I can remember rushing to get through lessons not comprehending that rushing causes you to miss things because you can’t see them correctly. I became aware that there was no need to rush when you were prepared. Being prepared meant life would go easier than it would if you were not. For example, if you iron your clothes for the week, or maybe even the night before, the next morning you don’t have to rush because everything is already done.  All you need to do is shower, brush your teeth, jump in your clothes, brush your hair, and go. It’s as simple as that; but when we choose not to be prepared we do not allow ourselves a chance to be our best.

 

Life will always require you to kick it up a notch when you have been privy to the most amazing experiences. Remember, to whom much is given, much is required. Don’t worry though; this is where you get to see what you’re made of.  In order to keep up and have balance all at the same time you must reinvent yourself before you have to. I say ‘before’ simply because you are not ready for the future right now; you have to be made ready for it. It’s called preparation for what’s to come.

 

One day after a shower I looked in the mirror at myself. I looked at the shape of my face, my eyes, my body, and afterwards, I looked at my mind. Not physically of course, but in retrospection and also in the future. In getting with myself I learned to allow myself the space to settle within for a moment. I didn’t rush the process, lessons, time, or the space. I allowed myself time to receive all that the Creator has for me. And when I opened myself up, I allowed the most creative space I’ve ever seen to come from me. It has been a life of trial and error but the intention has always remained the same, to be the best me I can possibly be. I will continue to thrive because I am intentional about it. I’ve learned to schedule out my life to create balance and organization. For me this has been most important to accomplish because we always want to be a benefit to others but when we’re all over the place it’s hard to do that.

 

God has always carefully and strategically changed my scenery to teach me lessons I would use for the future. As I understand it more, I begin to look for the changes to occur and look forward to what I’ll learn next. So far I’ve learned that what you do in your personal life translates into your business life. When we allow ourselves to change what we’re doing, to accommodate where we are going, we design a better course for our lives. What more than a designer life created by you, made by the decisions you made based upon where you wanted to go.

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