Don’t Get Sucked In


me, GROWING AND PROUD OF MYSELF.

This morning I sit and create with the thoughts that God gave me. I am reminded of two videos I started working on for a client late yesterday and how to top them off. And then, my thoughts go to a meeting that I have on Monday. At the end of this meeting we get to talk about what good thing happened to us since the last meeting. I contemplate how I have been privy to see people’s real intentions as of late. Although it’s been longer than 30 days this entire year so far has been about communication. Mainly mine. Preparation began for this during the third quarter of 2017 where the focus was on Self talk, Self-expression, how I communicate with others and respond to their actions. I’ve been privileged to see people for who they really are but the key hasn’t been about them but about me. What will I do with the information and how will I react. Knowing someone’s real intentions or feelings and not reacting with hate, malice, or judgement of their thoughts, actions, or intentions tells more about you than them. These past 30 days has been allowing this knowledge to turn into wisdom.

Late last year a private email of a co-worker was somehow sent to me. It was an email between herself and her fiancé about me “acting black”. I was hurt and felt a bit disturbed because I had not seen this coming. Was I distracted? How did I not know that she felt some kind of way about black people? She and I laugh together, finish each other’s songs and watch some of the same shows together that have mostly black characters. When I checked my email when I got in the office that morning, I remember sitting and reading it over and over. I originally thought that she meant to forward the email to someone else in the office, but I thought “no”, because that person has blacks in their family, so I don’t think that it was meant for them. When she came in the office I calmly waited for her to get situated after we said, “Good morning” and then I asked if she had anything that she wanted to tell me. She said “No.” I then forwarded her email back to her and asked her to check her email. She did and instead of speaking with me about it she immediately went to our boss. I felt slighted once again, like why couldn’t you and I just talk about this. Maybe she thought that I was going to fly off the handle. I didn’t. I was shook but I realized that I had been prepared for this the night before when speaking to a friend about something she was creating called “Just say it”.  My friend created a platform called “Just say it” where people can have a safe space to just say how they really feel. She felt that this was a way for us to begin to learn about how we really feel and about others and how they feel. She thought it was a way for all of us to heal and I agreed so which meant if I really felt that way this situation I found myself currently in would allow for me to react in a different manner and so, I did.

I’ve previously written about how people come up to me and just start telling me intimate stories of their lives and how I feel that it is part of my purpose here on earth to allow people to have a safe space to say things that they couldn’t otherwise say to someone else or maybe for them to release those things.  There too are people who just come up to me and say out of the way things as well to me about me that many people would just go off about and I don’t. I realize that when people come up to me that I am a light, a refuge of sort and that light will draw anyone who needs it even those who don’t know how to respond to it. It’s not about me it’s about them. So even when people come up to me who I don’t know and say something about what I’m wearing or even what I’m doing I’ve come to understand that it’s about them and not me so don’t get upset or angry in response.

When all my energy is not focused or directed in a specific place I am open to the energy fields of those around me. It’s a good thing at times because I can feel when someone needs something which could just mean that in that moment they feel afraid and just need for someone to stand with them. I feel that, and I stand with them without saying that I feel that they do. On the opposite of that I’ve been able to feel people’s negative intentions or feelings where I am concerned as well. It is normal when you can feel someone’s disdain, dislike, displeasure or ill-intentions towards you to want to be on the defense so that you can defend yourself, but I realize there is no need. The key is to remain in a space of love. People often get sucked in thinking that you must defend or shield yourself from someone else’s actions, but the key is to be able to hold a space of love in your heart even when you know the truth. Remember, it’s not about you, it’s about them but how you react is all about you. I believe you should love yourself enough to react differently so that you’re not disappointed later by your actions.

Anytime that we find out how someone truly feels about us we can focus all our energy on being prepared for their next move and how to one-up them or we can focus our energy on how we want to react. Our reactions say more about where we are in our lives. It says if we’ve mastered a level where we walk in reaction to others, being pulled in every direction or if we are strong enough to resist the urge of those low-level things and can now move to the next level. It’s who you’ve said that you wanted to be, it’s hard to be it but you can’t just say it and not mean it or work to be it.

Saying who you are and being that person takes two different types of energy. We strive to be that person who has mastered those things, so we say that we are but it’s almost like saying we are because it sounds good but with no real intent or action to do the work it takes to be it. We’ve heard others say it and it sounds good on them, so we feel we must say it too but don’t have a real concept of it, what it looks like or even why we should say it or even be it for that matter. If you’ve ever worked in a call center you know that you work from a script. Everyone is supposed to say the same thing. In a call center you can hear everyone’s conversation and occasionally, someone will deviate from the script and what they’ve said sounds good and you hear yourself say “That sounds good, I’m going to say that the next time too.” So, the next time you’re in that situation where those words fit you say them. You don’t know why other than it just sounds good so you said it.

I listen to teachings on YouTube while I work because I work a lot and don’t get to read often. Sometimes at work I’m so focused on what they’re saying in the YouTube video that I’m listening to that I don’t always hear what’s going on around me. It hasn’t always been because I don’t get to read often but also to be honest, mostly to retreat from what’s going on around me at the same time. For some time now, I’ve been allowing myself a little time to focus less on that and tuning in to some of the frequencies around me and I sometimes feel the negative intentions or feelings of others when they walk past. Sometimes it can be hard to feel their energy and not match it but again, I don’t want to be pulled into the madness of others, my goal is to maintain my own frequency even in chaos or ill-feelings or intent. Some days I win and others I don’t even if it is not said aloud, anytime when I allow my feelings to match theirs I’ve lost.

Little by little for the last month I’ve been packing to move. I’ve been working so much that I waited until the last minute to find a place. However, God saw fit to bless me to not be homeless and be able to move from one place to another seamlessly, so I thought. My new leasing office called me to say that my new apartment will not be ready on the 15th as planned, something came up and that it won’t be ready until the 19th. They said they would try to find another apartment and would let me know by the end of the day if they could. I didn’t get shaken I just said “This is going to be difficult as I have to be out of my current place on the 15th and would have to spend extra money to store my belongings and find a hotel to stay for the four days. At that time, they let me know that I should be able to stay at my current apartment for four extra days, so I called my current leasing office. When I called to ask the person that I usually speak with when I have problems she was not there. I asked to speak to her because not only is she the manager but when I’ve had to pay my rent late I’ve called and spoke with her. Her not being there was alignment working at its best. There was a gentleman who answered the phone who was new. After telling me the manager wasn’t in I told him what my situation was, and he told me that they basically had to let me stay it’s in my signed contract but that he would let the manager know what my issue was and have her to call me. Well, the new leasing office was not able to turn-around another apartment, so they called to let me know. The next morning, I called my current leasing office again and the person I wanted to speak with the day prior answered the phone. I asked her if she received my message, she said she had and that I was on her list to call back. She asked me if it was possible for them to have my apartment ready on the 15th and I told her no that they had an issue with the tub and had to send out for a new one and that it wouldn’t be ready until the 19th. I told her that I had nowhere else to go and that I needed to remain in my apartment until the 19th. She told me that was unfortunate as I was slated to move on the 15th and she had tenants moving in. The tone she used was one I had not heard before, so I told her that I was told because I had signed an agreement with your company that I would be allowed to stay the additional days. Not allowing her tone to affect mine. She then began to change her tone because I had a piece of information that she didn’t know that I had and said “Well, let me see what I can do. I’ll try to find another apartment for the tenants and I’ll let you know later today.” It’s funny how all this time I thought she was a fair person and I often gave her praises and thanked her for being such. Finding out that she would’ve pushed me out of my apartment taking advantage of my lack of information had I not known that because I signed an agreement with the leasing company that I could stay additional days made me feel some kind of way when I got off the phone with her. Later that day she called and left a voicemail message saying that “I could stay until the 19th but that they would need the keys by noon that day.” That was jarring for me to know that she would’ve put me out knowing that I had nowhere else to go because I didn’t know that I could’ve stayed. I thanked God for giving me insider information prior to speaking with her and then I asked myself “How will you handle this when you see her?” Remember, this says more about her than it does me but how I choose to handle this now says more about me than it does her.

The moral to these stories is that I’m really beginning to understand self-love on another level. Loving myself means that I chose to be a better person as the opportunity presents. That I chose to communicate on a higher frequency. That even with new information I can still choose to live in peace. In peace with myself, my actions, and my responses. That I can choose my energy and what I will focus on. That I have the power to love myself in such a way that I don’t need to disappoint myself and over react to situations to prove that love. That every time that I do, it makes me stronger and more powerful.

 

me, I AM GROWING AND I AM PROUD OF MYSELF.

 

 

 

Kai-ology….The study of Kai

 

Let The Dead Bury The Dead


Okay, so if you follow me on Facebook you know that I post quite a bit of questions, “be mindful” quotes, inspirational flyers and posts to inspire thought. Recently I posted “Let the dead bury the dead”. This was actually posted after I was thinking about Easter and the concept of, traditionalized, and ritualistic events that we partake of during this season.  I wondered if “Jesus” would rather us focus on going within and finding our purpose and what we came to do rather than celebrating his death and resurrection. I wondered if he thought we were too focused on dead things. Dead rituals, dead traditions, dead relationships, and that only the dead could continue to bury the dead year after year, generation after generation. At what point do we begin to do something different realizing the state of the dead walking. And then I started thinking about the concept of Jesus…anyway, my thoughts can sometimes go deeper so rather than posting all of that I just posted “let the dead bury the dead” wondering what others would think of that statement. After posting it I had a family member reply with a bit of concern. I’m laughing at it now because I can see how some could be concerned if their perception of me was depressive. Well, I stated that I was okay and basically that the post was about perception. But this actually got me to thinking after it was said that I’ve given the perception that I was serious. It is no perception at all, I am serious. I’ve always been that way. Don’t get me wrong, that is not the total sum of who I am, but I have always had a serious nature. To really love me you have to know me and not the perception of who you believe me to be.

Many of us say “you don’t know me” and it’s just a thing that is said to another when questioned about an act or deed when something out of the norm was done. But I realized that no one outside of my partner and God really knows me. I believe that my life’s purpose is to be a change, or transformations agent if you will, and my higher self has sown the seeds within my platform of self-love, self-growth, and self-development. A lot of my posts on social media has been about others and what they think, encouraging and empowering them. As a person with a Scorpionic nature I could be called secretive but that’s not who I am really. I share much of me through my writing but those things that are deep I have reserved for the space that call for them. Which normally means for those who too enjoy the more deep, thoughtful conversations and have a need for me to share them. My apple cart would be to have more of these type conversations as this is where I feel most at home.

In my life, I have been the person that people come tell their deepest secrets to. I’m not kidding either, I have people walk up to me in stores or wherever and just start talking to me and telling me intimate things about them. For many I have been the person that has been an ear, the secret keeper, a voice of reason, or given to wisdom. But during this time, no one has really asked me outside of my partner, about me. What do I like, what do I think, what do I need, what do I feel? That is my role within this universe, what I agreed to before I came here and I don’t take it lightly, nor do I bitch and moan about it because that is why I am here; but I believe that I do begin to wonder when people assume that I am one way or given to a perception that I am another way because they never asked.

I then began to think about the relationships that I have with people who are family members and those that would call me friend, I realized that even if they are associated with me by blood, some sort of friendship, or business relationship that they don’t really know me at all. They’ve felt close to me because I have encouraged, supported, filled a void or space in their lives but there has not been much reciprocation. For my family members, they know me from whatever age we last had interaction and for most people that’s who you still are.  I’ve walked a lone path for much of my life. Not lonely or alone, just lone. I am not uncomfortable with this part of me. It has been who I have been for most of my life. It was who I was groomed to be. It was who I circumstantially was destined to be, this is my assignment and I am okay with it. So, not for myself but for others to see, I did a post that said I would give a $100 to the person who could answer all six questions, only because I knew no one could. I wanted to dissolve a perception that I believe people have of me. And these were they:

  1. Why did I change my name to Kai?
  2. What makes me laugh?
  3. What makes me cry?
  4. What is my favorite day of the week?
  5. What has the last 5 years been like for me?
  6. What am I most proud of?

 

 

Who Taught You How To Love


love
[ləv]

NOUN
an intense feeling of deep affection:
used to express affectionate approval for someone:
VERB
feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone):

I’ve been thinking a lot about love these days and have been talking to a few people about it as well.
I hear or even read that many women and men complain about the treatment of, lack of attention, or the way in which someone “loves” them and I think to myself often “no one probably taught them how to love”. Many of us don’t know the ins and outs about love; how to cultivate, nurture, and create a safe space for it to grow. Unless your parents taught you, you probably taught yourself by guaging what someone else did. When I started looking at my own life I realized that if I had to look at all of the relationships I’ve seen over my lifetime and use them as a concept for how to love I’d fail, as I had previously done at love many times before. For many of us, no one has sat us down to teach us about love, how to love, and even what it means to love. Or what’s the most effective communications in love. Often, we just like someone, chase after them and fall what we consider “in love” with them. But, what does that really mean. How do we begin to know how to treat them, how to love them, and the most effective way to communicate with them? Many of us were taught by others who knew nothing about love and most of it was quite wrong. LOL…but what I want to know is, who taught you how to love and are you effective at it?

#love #selflove #relationships #couples #marriage #single #inlove #men #women #selftaught

#selfcare is NOT Narcissism


#selfcare is NOT narcissism
For years now we have suggested that people put ‘their’ oxygen masks on ‘first’ and now there seems to be rhetoric that says because they are, that they are being selfish or narcissistic. The suggestion to take care of yourself first gets a bad rap when we begin to do so in the sense that it says “no” to someone else; or we don’t like what the art of taking care of self looks like from our vantage point. We can’t pick and choose how we want people to take care of themselves because it looks insensitive to us because them being in a healthy state of mind might leave us behind, or they need time to themselves for an uncertain amount of time. The person who is taking care of self knows what that looks and feels like to them and because we love them we have to allow them to balance themselves in the best way that they know how.

We have so many people doing the opposite of taking care of themselves to the point of self deprecation and deprivation that it is leaving them in a void. Some of us become co-dependents to the state of martyrdom because it makes us look saintly but underneath we are miserable. When we deplete ourselves because we have chosen to put others before ourselves over and over again in a way that is unhealthy it places emotional stress and tension on us that can present itself through mental and physical health issues. We have to balance out our energies in a way that replenishes us so that we are able to give to those we love and care for in ways that allow us to give of ourselves in the best light possible.

How do you #selfcare

#putyouroxygenmaskonfirst
#selfish
#selflove
#narcissism
#narcissistic
#selfgrowth

Get Still Or Be Made To


When it’s time to move forward and you won’t move your feet they will be moved for you.
In 2004, probably sooner but I wasn’t paying much attention, a series of events would happen to turn my life around. In 2005 I heard very clearly, leave this situation alone and do something different but sadly I did not. Because I would not adhere to the voice inside I would be made to sit down and take more than just a moment to redirect my life, but I would be made to take a physically, mentally, and spiritually painful hard look at my life. Looking myself in the mirror was difficult but necessary. Seeing some of the decisions I had made at face value made me grieve for what could’ve been. The decision to place misdirected energy into things and people used to distract me from my purpose was disheartening. A very unyielding time in my life served up an order of “Make life-altering Decisions or be stuck in a cycle of unproductive fruit” kinda like that fig tree Jesus cursed. I decided to change and give energy to things that matter and would help me to move in life abundantly and progressively. If you never take the time to get still and not only evaluate where you’ve been but also where you’re going; you’ll be made to.
#selflove #selfgrowth #selfdevelopment #growth #growthmindset #selfawareness

Kai Mann Quoteology Video Series- #1


Let me introduce you to the first video in the Kai Mann Quoteology video series. The Quoteology videos are inspirational and transformational videos made from the Kai Mann brand quote cards. These are a series of videos created in hopes of inspiring the tribe of self developers into their next phase, level, or dimension.

Song: Leverage
@Kaiology
Twitter: @Kaiology
Instagram: @Kaiology
Facebook: @kaiology

InkMann Press Series–The Secret Place


InkMann Press Series — The Secret Place

PicsArt_11-23-08.43.31

 

There comes a time in our lives when the journey calls for complete transformation. This part of the journey is a root deepening and soul defying phase that often asks us to transform in unique ways. In the past we would allow ourselves to get away with behavior unbecoming but when life calls for something more many of us try to answer.

In life we are given a number of opportunities to go deeper within ‘self’ and become the person that we are ultimately destined to be. Sometimes in order to avoid ‘self’ we invite the most unlikely of people or situations into our lives. When we use people to distract us from ourselves we end up stunting our own growth. When this happens it throws us back to the beginning to start over at the same point we were in before we met that unlikely person or began that situation. Basically, because we didn’t take the time to separate ourselves and grow, we remain stagnant.

Sometimes the road to transformation comes because something happened to provoke change or we simply realize its time. Some of us grow through this phase by allowing ourselves time to heal. When we don’t allow healing to occur, we disrupt this phase and it puts us back at the beginning so to speak. Avoiding growth because ‘it’s too hard” is like self-development suicide. Many people never get through the transformational phase because they don’t stay long enough. They either feel they’re ready when they’re not or they think it’s too hard and quit. The transformational phase calls for a mirror so to speak to give us the opportunity of looking at ourselves to work on those under developed areas and bring out our most authentic nature. During this phase where we get to be with ourselves most people opt out because it’s soul work. Soul work requires that we look at ourselves in all areas no matter how tough it is to do so. It’s that vow that you make to yourself to keep going and staying the course because you believe in its reward.

When we do the work and master ourselves we become the hero in our own lives. And like most heroes there is a tale of heroic proportion about what the hero had to do to survive.

In the transformational phase there is this secret place so to speak.  The secret place is where the hero gets nourished, replenished, and energized in order to transform. The secret place offers different stages of each depending upon the level or dimension the hero is embarking upon. During this time the secret place is used as an incubation period. Or like the ‘pupa’ phase of a butterfly. During this phase the cocoon represents the nourishment, lessons, and growth. Although you’re alone working on your work, this phase is most crucial because any change in direction can alter the life of the butterfly.

It is evident that when we do not take the allotted time to learn, grow, and transform that we do not understand the importance of mastering oneself. Finding and mastering yourself before giving to and mastering another teaches you self love at a level that is profound and often unheard of. What I know is that to love and be better for you is to love and be better for others. What value is it to come into anyone’s life and disrupt it by coming in broken or lacking self-development? It profits them nothing more than heartache and pain. When we love others we want the best for them and if we are not the best we must choose to ‘be’ the best. But not before we become the best for ourselves.

When I think about the transformational period I liken it to the stage of preparation. In the midst of transformation is always preparation. This reminds me of Mr. Miyagi and how he prepared Daniel in the ‘Karate Kid’ before his big transformation.  Mr. Miyagi not only taught Daniel karate moves but Mr. Miyagi taught Daniel life lessons while working on his level of understanding. Mr. Miyagi gave Daniel the space to learn his “why” and the significance of it. The Creator does the same thing with us. He prepares us for transformation so that we can walk in our purpose with a full understanding as to ‘why’ we are being transformed. The Creator offers us the opportunity to slow down, to get the lessons, take notes, and grow so that our transformation is lasting and not fleeting.

The way to ensure lasting change is to stay in the moment of where you are. Take the time to get the lessons, write them down, and put them into practice daily. Know that every situation you encounter is a chance to learn something new. Always look for the lesson. When we allow ourselves the spiritual space, God teaches us how and when to move. How you handle the issues of life determine ‘if’ you’re learning or not. Trust me, there will be a test.

When  you’re learning there will always be a quiz and then a test at the end. How you fair is based upon how you studied. The determining factor whether or not you’ll move ahead depends on if you studied for a quiz or if you studied for a test.  The way you study for each is different. When we study for a quiz we learn with short term memory which makes it easy for us to not know the answer days after the quiz. But if you study for a test you study using long term memory because the question could be asked a number of ways and you must be fluent in them all. So again, the difference in the quiz and the test is that you may pass the quiz today but if you were asked the same information again tomorrow you could very well fail. Always study for the test because it defines the points in which you will move to another level or move into a new dimension. It is important not to die on the vine and quit during this phase. Don’t jump out of it, stay the course no matter how tough.

When we work to change the way we think, speak, and act; we summon the courage for mastery. And often mastery calls for us to be unplugged, to get with ‘self’, or be one with spirit in order to move into a new dimension. The way we master ourselves says a lot about who we are. Remember, it takes a hero to master himself.