Get Lost


I’ve often found it hard to fathom when people say “Ain’t nothing changed.” I wonder why they take pride in that.  And if nothing’s changed wouldn’t that be apparent and no need to speak on it. So, obviously something has changed but in order to not be different we are encouraged to stay the same. Something about feeling different from the pack will make some denounce that change however good it is. As I’ve been made cognizant of the many lives that I’ve lived, the many breathes I’ve been able to take, and the many dimensions, stages and levels of those dimensions I feel blessed to have changed. You see, I believe that as the outside changes the inside is what should change the most.

Walking through life in the thick of it sometimes we don’t see that change. But when we slow down and go to the observatory of our lives we can see that change in retrospection. An observation of life through the height and depth of it all can be an exhaustive feat but nevertheless, as we begin to explore we find that the valleys can be low, dragging self-esteem with it. And the mountains so high that the intensity to pull one’s self out of the valley hard.

Somewhere in this we begin to feel lost and unsure of who we are.  The way gives the appearance that we are walking aimlessly throughout specific paths of the journey. But, if we are to ponder our explorations we can see that there is such a blessing in getting lost a few times.  Even in the act of surviving the most traumatic issues along the way we can get lost in the experience of it all, yet even still a blessing can be seen if we look. I believe that although we may feel lost from time to time, we aren’t. I know for a fact that the Creator knows exactly where we are, and we can be confident in where we are growing in those times.

The reward to being lost is when you can see the beauty in finding ‘self’. The strength to move forward while encouraging one’s self through it all gives way to new paths to be seen. When we can envision it correctly we can discover the entrance into the very heart of who we are at that moment. The encouragement that we give to ourselves to look even deeper within allows us to find the strength of all that we possess.

A level of courage is needed when we attempt to find ourselves. Courage to be authentic and honest with one’s self. The type of courage that when used will be the only key that will open doors to other dimensions within you. Daring to discover new lands within yourself enables change to be seen when eyes are wide open, and mirrors held at eye level. It gives you the ability to count the many blessings of living long enough to have been able to see yourself change a number of times.

Lost, is just an illusion when we are unsure of the way. It is a place called ‘change’ that makes us be afraid and makes us believe that we are lost. It’s something about the scenery changing that creates anxiety. However, it is our inner world only that is changing, because our subconscious begins to walk us through uncharted paths that we’ve never journeyed before. It is that our inner most selves have called upon the depths of who we are to take control without our full knowledge of it.  That part of us that has been consistently preparing us for what’s next all of our lives. We are only now realizing that our inner most self is leading us to reach for something more because it is time. No matter who is with us or not, when we understand this we come to love that deeper level of self because it makes us dare to look for more.  It calls us to awaken to life. It calls us to go higher, to go toward the mountain top. Heed the call and to take the scenic view. Ascension is simply breathtaking as you reach for your zenith.

 

 

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2017 A Year Of Reconciliation


When it is time to be alone everyone you know will disappear. Not in the definition of vanishing and that you are unsure of where they are, or that you yourself didn’t have something to do with their disappearance but it will happen because it is time.  When it is time for you to take in account for the life that you have created you must reconcile the balances of deposits and withdrawals you have taken or given. There is a Divine space of Contemplation of what is, what was, and how it all has affected you, and the people who have walked in the same spaces with you. 2017 has been that year for me, a year of reconciliation. A year to reconcile or balance the accounts and transactions that I have made throughout the years.

The first step was reconciling the discrepancies and over 49 years there have been many. You see, when you reconcile a discrepancy it begins with the date a transaction was done. This relates to the stories we have told ourselves since the transactions, to account for and balance them. We may have reconciled it since that date with ourselves but if there was anyone else involved it must also be reconciled with them as well. When this happens the story usually changes because listening you now hear it from their perspective and can garner a full picture. This picture usually changes from what your limited vision has been to seeing a picture in its entirety. A 360 view. Now, seeing everything, you must come to grips with what you will do with the picture you now see.

As 2017 progressed I’ve been going over my life piece by piece. Dealing with one thing at a time; myself, my children, my family, my relationships, and friendships. What I feel as each part of my life has been called to be reconciled I’ve learned that I’ve walked in a space of what borders on selfishness and abandonment depending on the side of the road that I am walking and on what day. No matter the time or day, it is surely the time to be reconciled with all my past actions. The scales of life are now balanced, and the time of judgement is now due. This judgement I exact upon myself as the consequences of life bears down on me.  It bears down not in a fit of angry rage but of truth, and genuine conversations and thought. No malice or ill-will intended, the bearing down comes from wanting to feel lighter as I move into this next phase of life and try to understand the breadth of what is weighing me down. And without hesitation or apprehension I resist not the bearing down as I have demanded of my higher self to know and understand more, and this bearing down comes as a result of what has transpired.

The time has come for me to see with full vision how the other half has lived. While being in a state of what was deemed as “Saving myself” so that I could still be here to enjoy life with each of my pieces I believe that I detoured which left some to fend for themselves. As each piece would come to full view there became an overwhelming state of shame and guilt as I could see some of the devastation that was left behind. Although normal to feel guilt and shame, I knew too that in order to move forward it too was okay to let those feelings go, but not before apologizing for the past hurt, or what could have felt like betrayal, or disloyalty on my part.

It’s tough to stand at full attention, dropping ego to the floor, and at times your own feelings so that you can hold on to the weight of their feelings, and emotions while hearing their and your story from the place where they stood. What felt like unconditional love to me was that there has never been any judgement of me, to me, from their lips. Just stories of what happened on their journeys. They never held me in contempt or condemnation, never yelled, or spoke in a condescending tone: They just told me the story. I thank God for that because I didn’t want to be made to feel worse by them or by me for that matter. Sometimes when we make it about us we demand that they make us feel guilty, or more guilt so that we can bear the weight of what happened. There is little time nor energy for that. We have all been through something but the realization of it all is to continue to learn from, grow, and evolve those stories to make new and better ones. I cannot thank them enough for their handling of me in my mishandling of them.

As I continue to allow myself to be opened however it comes, I don’t feel gutted, but I can speak with honesty and saying that sometimes as I see me at some stages of life, I don’t like me.  I don’t like the me that left in the manner in which I did. I don’t like the me that detoured from the spontaneity of life and checked out on the people that mattered. I know that I didn’t do it on purpose, and I know that I did it with limited knowledge, sight, and vision but I do wish that I had done it differently. But even so, when I think about that statement I know that if I had, I wouldn’t be the same person that I am now, having the same experiences that I am now and who’s to say that they would’ve been better or worse. This is life. The one that I chose, and I believe that I have the capacity to live it and that is what I am going to do. So, I continue to allow self to be opened, taught, displayed, grown, evolved, and ultimately transfigured because one thing that I am sure of is that this ‘is’ what I put here to do.

 

 

 

 

In Limbo (The in-between place)


Sometimes it’s hard to talk about the in-between places. The places that feel like limbo. You’re not where you used to be but you’re not quite yet where you’re headed. You have faith enough to know that you’re close but the GPS seems to keep re-routing you. It’s the place where everything you once knew doesn’t work anymore, and the things you’re learning haven’t been tested enough to be proven and you’re still trying to figure out how to use them. That place where the person you used to be is taunting you for its equal return and the new you is lurking just close enough on the inside that at times it could be considered out; but it looks to be waiting for an invitation to do so. And, it’s not that you haven’t offered one, its impression is as if it’s awaiting the alignment of some magical space in time where everything needs to meet just so.

So let’s just say that right now ” I feel crazy” most of the time…lol. The new person you’re becoming sometimes feel like a suit that may not quite fit just yet. While you’re still gaining muscle to fill it in just right, and although you’re sure that you can fill those shoes, at the same time you’re doing that thing that most little girls do in their mothers heels, try to teach yourself to walk in them.

If I can explain it in detail I’d tell you that it’s that place where certainty kind of teases you from day to day. Where the ground that you walk on feels a little shaky and in spite of the foundation previously poured its as if the structure beneath your feet is somewhat changing. So much is happening all at the same time that concentration seems to escape you from time to time and you begin to act in ways that you never have before. Often asking yourself “Who was that?” You’re changing, morphing, and transfiguring into the ‘new’ you and your emotions at times can run high as you’re seeking and searching to figure it all out. You feel like those cartoon characters that are shape-shifting, a little painful and out of sorts. Meanwhile a new class is in session and it begins at ground zero. Its days before Kindergarten starts how many, you don’t know, but all you know is that you’re ready for first grade.

You’re realizing that every dimension has a process of levels and every time you get to a new dimension you must start all over from the beginning and it feels weird. A bit uncomfortable, and unnerving because you don’t know what to expect. It’s like being a freshman all over again, you’ve got to get acclimated, learn the ropes, and then you can begin to truly succeed just as you did on the last dimension.

Even still, I had wished that I could go on a 30 day retreat and that someone like Mr. Miyagi would show up and walk me through the lessons of life hand-in-hand so that I could surely be ready for the fight. Right now if anyone asks, my go to is the “Karate Kid” as the match to my hero’s journey. Previously like Daniel I too wanted to skip the whole ‘Wax on…Wax off” part and go straight to the fight but it doesn’t work that way. As you can see, Daniel got hurt. Even though he did, he won because the principles had been instilled in him.

Remember hero, that the journey is built on consistency. Opportunity or chance comes right at the moment that it is supposed to. So if you’re in the in between space, work the process, do your “Wax on…Wax Off” exercises and stick to the trail even when you feel like you’re going to fall off. When you step on to that platform to that next level you’ll be glad that you did.

Healing From The Past- Part 3


As I move deeper into this journey my passion to seek a higher me has escalated to deepening and widening my search. I have been meditating more, reading the Bible as well as different books , listening to YouTube videos on the law of attraction (Abraham-Hicks), and watching Documentaries about spirituality. I am determined to find a way to tap more into the inner me so that I may begin to live from a point of abundance. This is my nature and has always been a part of my life in some way, shape, or form. I am a seeker of self, and always willing to go higher, but this time it’s different.

There are 4 more days until my birthday and usually during this season I am contemplative as a practice. But what I have come to understand is that this contemplative state that I have been pursuing has been going on now for about five years. The need to find a deeper meaning to who I am, my purpose and how to move into the next dimension of my life has me on a journey of miraculous growth and evolution. I’ve sat in thought and mulled over these past couple of years and asked myself “When do you think that you started this transition” only because I was thinking the process was taking too long. It is, but it is okay. You see, in past times I have been able to get the lessons quicker but now it takes more time than usual to get to the root of who I am, helping me to bring out the core. If I could soak my soul into the very lessons that I am learning and have it to become sheer manifestation I would but it will take more than that. If my intentions became like air that one breathes without thought I will have tamed and mastered the beast that is me.

I have come to believe that the lessons are different this time because this is not a transition or move from one level to the next, this feels as if I am moving from one dimension to the next. My emotions are fluctuating in as much as I feel like I’m winning one day and maybe feeling the uncertainty that can make you feel overwhelmed the next. Having feelings that can make one seem immature or even lost at times can break open your spirit. We think that we know ourselves but who we are changes, grows, and evolves as we move through different terrain. Never having gone this way before there seems to be no real GPS except to say, “Now go this way” at the exact point of the turn. Who I have believed myself to be has been challenged to the point of asking “Who am I now”.  Currently when I look in the mirror I see a different me spiritually, mentally, and physically. I’m not willing to turn back though. I find the courage with each step to keep moving forward feeling like I am walking in the wilderness. The forest is thick with barely enough light, but I know it is coming soon so I keep moving. I am determined to let go and shed my old self but honestly, the emotionality of it all is vast. Holding up mirrors to oneself and having the courage to not look away as you discover the truths to the past and your now experience makes you long for the future. However, I am learning to love the contrast that is before me even though at times it can be painful. Soul opening to be exact, but I recognize the reasons for its nature to insist that I evolve. Growing pains aint’ got nothing on this but I’d wouldn’t change any of it for I know when it is over I will be “new”.

 

 

Before You Burn That Bridge


I’ve been thinking a lot about the truth and being courageously authentic. And, how it is so easy to walk away from the story because it’s the part that you don’t like that’s coming up. You see I had this thing I used to do when watching movies when I could tell that someone was about to get caught doing something that wasn’t necessarily wrong, but maybe you could see that they were about to walk into a trap that you believe that they should’ve inevitably seen and done something different. Normally I would stop watching, or fast forward but I’ve been in deep contemplation about how everything can be going so well in your life and then you are challenged to do something that you know will change the trajectory of your life, almost like a sharp turn to the left in the middle of going right with no warning.
It’s funny how when there is a part of your life or journey that needs to be shared or told that you hesitate to do it. Even when you know that it is essential to the journey because of the great possibility for healing; you, them, or someone else. But you know you are obligated to do it, so you do. You run back across that bridge for the last time to get that story that demands to be told because of the requirement for passage back across so that you can go to the next dimension but not before the Universe gives the authorization to burn that bridge in hopes of you never crossing it again and it never being able to hurt you again either.

#burningbridges #stories #growthmindset#selflove #selfgrowth #evolution#revelation

InkMann Press Series ~ 2015


2015 came wrapped with numerous lessons, blessings, fulfillment and joy. While there were some difficult moments, 2015 has still been amazing. As today marks the last Tuesday in this year, I contemplate on the wisdom I’ve gained while spending most of my time cultivating and preparing for the next dimension of life.

 

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As hindsight is always 20/20 I see how those lessons will later tie into my life now. I won’t lie and say that the lessons that require you to utilize more faith aren’t the hardest. They are, but when you want more, you realize that you have to do more.  I believe that 2015 brought in a need for everyone to do more. We were all encouraged to do something different from a soul level. A Soul level would require a complete transformation. The soul level always wins out for those who cannot settle. Especially a soul that thinks in dreams with vivid pictures that capture the mind’s eye to allow at any moment a peek into what will be your future if you dare try.

I am proud of the many accomplishments that I’ve made this year. I’ve been granted the opportunity to expand and grow so I did.  And for that I am proud. My creativity and thoughts have expanded because I’ve worked hard to get the lessons. While some areas have grown tremendously, others are still growing. I count it all joy for every experience has been beautiful.

How has your 2015 been? Share some of the lessons you’ve learned with me.

Author Feature ~ Dr. Debraha Watson


photo (1)What is your writing process?

I primarily write as the narrator or observer. That way I see all and know all and can analyze the thoughts and emotions of my characters.  I probably developed this style of writing as a result of listening to the oral stories told by my elders as they sat shuckin’ and jivin’ on the front porch or gossiping around the kitchen table.  I started writing as a child in a little pink diary that had a lock and key. Over the years I graduated to legal pads and pencils, typewriters, word processors, PC’s and the iPad.  I love to write in the early morning before the sun comes up.  The spirits are busy at that time and they whisper in my ear as the refrigerator hums in the background.  I love writing in silence, on any writable surface but I can also take myself away in a crowded room if a character is insistent on making an entrance.  Sometimes it starts with one word, a sentence or If I’m lucky an entire paragraph.  I love developing characters.  Some I find on the city streets, in my classroom, in the church and in my dreams.   I admit I’m not disciplined in terms of writing every day.  However, when I do decide to tell a story I allow my soul to open up and I ask the Spirit to guide my thoughts and emotions to deliver a positive message.  I do agree with the writer E.B. White who said “A writer who waits for ideal conditions under which to work will die without putting a word on paper.”

 

Bio

Dr. Watson holds a Doctorate in Adult and Higher Education from Capella University; a Master of Arts in Adult and Higher Education from Morehead State University;  and a Master of Science in General Administration from Central Michigan University. She has been invited to speak at numerous workshops and conventions throughout the United States and Canada.  Most recently, she was featured on the LGBT Radio Nation Show the topic being Intergenerational Communication.  Dr. Watson has also been a guest on the Rhonda Sciortino radio show Crack the Code and the Detroit Area Agency on Aging Senior Solutions Radio Show.

As an author, Dr. Watson shares her personal foster care journey having spent twelve years in the system in her memoir; If Not For Dreams: Memories of a Foster Child and is also anthologized in Growing Up in the Care of Strangers edited by Waln K. Brown and John r. Seita. She frames her discussion to educate, motivate and provide insight to the challenges faced by youth aging out of foster care.  She also penned a novella, Dancing Under the Same Moon and has been featured in several other publications.

Another creative outlet is contemporary abstract art.  Dr. Watson states” the creator gives us many talents.  Whether it’s writing or painting I take myself out of the way and trust the creative process.” Her work has been shown at the Detroit Artist Market, National Conference of Artist Gallery, Jo’s Gallery and The Juanita Ford Gallery and the Charles H, Wright African American Museum.

Since her retirement, she has ventured into yet another genre, film making. Starting a production company, Reel Women Speak is dedicated to impacting the lives of women through visual media. Women will have the opportunity to become empowered, enhance and develop their quality of life and recalibrate their future, thereby strengthening families and transforming communities. Collective Voices: Wisdom of our Lesbian Elders is her first independent film.  Dr. Watson states that “whether it’s in my writing, art or film I have a deep need to recollect traditions and generational legacy, this perhaps comes from listening to stories from my elders specifically, African American women sitting, laughing, talking on porch steps or around the kitchen table.”

Debraha Watson describes herself as a mother of two adult children, a film maker, poet, short story writer, essayist, editor and retired higher education administrator.  “I can be driven or complacent.  Insecure or egotistical like all living creatures I am passing through stages.  I am recovering, discovering and growing.”

If Not for DreamsDancing Under The Same Moon

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stay Connected to Dr. Debraha Watson

Twitter: @watson_debraha

Facebook: Reel Women Speak 

YouTube: Reel Women Speak TV

 

It’s beautiful


she’s not here to do what

you’re here to do

so you can’t judge

her journey

only God

everybody’s journey is not

the same

you don’t know who she is,

what he gave her to do

Or what God has in store for her

I still don’t know

what will emerge

Who knows what part of

the journey she’s on

but all I know

is

It’s beautiful…~Kaiology #Kaism #Kai2pointO #KaiologyInk

 

I Wonder How She’s Doing


I hope that all is well

with you

I pray

that life is going to

take you

on the best

journey ever

I think about you

from time to time

and I say

“I wonder how she’s doing”

with a smile on my face

no matter what

I’ve always

think of them

with smiles

and good wishes

It doesn’t do me

any good

 to wish anything else

Why?

Ego would do that

making me think

that I was the best person for them

Not Everyone Can Go


I wish but deeply pray

that you could go with me on this journey

I don’t know if it is possible for you to ride with me

I know you’re not ready

I wish you were

I secretly pray that you were

But you can’t

You’re not ready to explore

Explore the depths of your own soul

You want to continue to look on the outside

For the light

The light that you already possess

You don’t want to look at your scars

And turn them into strength

You look at them as the flaws or weaknesses in you

Rather than look at how they make you strong

You play around with the truth

Told the same story so much

You believe it

I’m not asking you to pick at the scab

But to put a little ointment on it

So you can begin to heal

For real

Not the cover up that you place on top

And whenever asked

You get taken to a place where no one understands

Because you’re not ready

Ready to go on that journey

That journey to look deeper

To be deeper

To change your thoughts

You know that it can be lonely

But it’s necessary

You don’t want to open it

Peel back the layers so you can

Purify your soul