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Healing From The Past -Part 2


Dealing and Healing
They say that in order to heal you first have to deal so I took a look at the cards I had dealt myself over the past 20 years and honestly, I saw some things that I didn’t like. Although this began 20 years ago I still had to look at those experiences because they were effecting my now and the infinite possibilities of my future.  The best part about this is that even though I had lots of time alone, I wasn’t really alone. On the road to dealing there was a beautiful spirit that was by my side to help me navigate the terrain I was embarking upon. And without judgment she offered me a beautiful space to rest from my weary travels and to unpack all the bags I had been carrying. This has been the most candid that I have been with myself and with someone else. From the beginning she and I would vow to do something different in the relationship that we hadn’t done in others which was to be honest, and to tell each other everything. So we did, and when I did she would go in deep asking tough questions that at times I wasn’t even sure I had answers to.  Patiently she would wait while I went back to that time to enlist thoughts I might’ve been thinking bringing out some truths that were difficult to chew on let alone swallow.  However, she offered me bite sizes while providing me with love and support and encouraging me when I needed it most. When she or I were sharing our truths the thought of the one leaving the other because of it never crossed our minds. We knew what we wanted to build and we knew that it would take everything we had and neither of us was willing to settle for anything less than our best and we would do whatever we had to do to have it. After hearing my truth she asked questions like “Do you know why you would date someone who had children after your decision to leave yours behind?” assisting me in assessing some of the reasons as to why I made some of the decisions in relationships that I had made. “Do you believe that you were trying to recreate the family you once had or the one you wanted to have?” I would need rest after some of our talks because I would be so tired from digging so deep for hours that I would immediately go to sleep after hanging up the phone. We’d do this for almost two years meanwhile I would pray that I offered her the same amount of attention, love, and support in her growth and evolution that she allowed me.  And, in conversation she would tell me that I did.
This relationship was a true compliment to me in every area of my life so much so that I grew in areas that I didn’t even know I needed to grow in and my businesses took off because of it.  We would talk through schisms that we would have which in the beginning was difficult for me to do.  I never realized my lack of maturity in relationships and how my communication skills lacked and had to ultimately be taken to another level. She was no nonsense about our relationship and was not allowing us to sweep things under the rug or skip over any issue. She taught me to deal with them as they came so they would not affect us down the road.  Everything that I thought I knew about relationships was challenged; my relationship with myself, with my children, and with my partner. I felt like I was in the military (in basic training), everything that I thought I knew about myself seemed to be old news and had to be discarded. I was being deprogrammed from outdated thinking, reduced to a blank canvas, and all the new information that was left offered a foundation in which to build upon.
We have no idea how much the Universe conspires to help us. The Creator always sends you what you are ready for but often we don’t even know what we’re ready for especially when it looks like work. I had been sending out an S.O.S. for years and finally my ship came in and I was ready to board. While it was right in front of me of course I couldn’t just walk on I had to clean up some stuff, I had to reduce the baggage in my life once again, and I had to understand where it was that I had been so that I would have a clear vision for where it was that I was going. You see, you can get on any ship any day and go any where but to be aligned with the right ship at the right time is at its best a miracle and I believe that the Creator had done that in my life, performed a miracle.
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Healing From The Past


I heard it so clear ” You’re not going to be able to move forward and help others until you first are able to help yourself.”
The reason I host a transformational internet talk show is because I too am transforming. I am in a perpetual state of transformation and this dimension of transformation has been the most difficult. Even still, I believe that I have finally found that one piece (peace) that will take me to the other side. Finally.
I have three suns that are now grown men that I did not raise. Not in the traditional sense. During their childhood we spent every Christmas, New Years, and a couple weeks during the summer together every year for ten years. This part of my transitioning into the next dimension has been the most difficult because as I have been dealing with certain things in my life this part has been the most eye-opening, hurtful, shameful, and even guilt ridden.  Although my children and I each have great relationships, and they have never judged me for leaving them with their father or not being there 24/7 it is I who have dealt with life the most internally regarding this decision.  Their love for me have never waned and the older they get we seem to get closer.
Two years ago I made a decision to let go of a Nine year relationship because I felt I was not growing. I felt in some way stuck and not because my partner at the time made me feel that way but because I understood that we were going in different directions and the relationship itself was not growing. Leaving this relationship allowed me to spend quite a bit of time alone. Something I hadn’t done since 2005 after being run over by a car. This time alone afforded me the time to once again look at myself; up close and personal and do some inside work.
Eight months into my alone time and working on myself my youngest came to live with me to get himself together.  I felt like this was a second opportunity to get to know each other more and to deal with some things from our past so again, I was willing to do the work.  The fun quickly dissipated as this was a daunting task, more than I had imagined but too there were loving spaces for us to enjoy as well. But I  had to admit  that again,I found myself in a tough space trying to heal with someone who is now grown.  For  fourteen months we lived together trying to coexist in a world we both were new to at different points in our lives. This best thing was that neither of us held any resentment of the other even though we were getting on each others nerves at times and we loved each other more than we got on each others nerves. We were learning, growing, and letting go of parts of ourselves that were no longer needed or effective in order to have a more functional relationship. During the times we talked I would find myself learning just how much I had missed out of his and his brothers lives. I felt guilty at best even though he wasn’t telling me so that I could, he would just tell me stories of things that he had lived, and I myself saw what he had endured because I was not there.
My sun moved out recently and we are at a great place. Even though some of it was tough it was one of the best experiences that I’ve had. It was so necessary for the growth of us both and helped us to be able to move forward in our purpose.  Not long ago his father came to town for a funeral and of course he stopped by to see my son, and then they both came to see me.  My ex-husband and I have always remained friends over the years as divorced mothers and fathers should in order to co-parent children. We also check in with one another from time to time as well. We all sat in my living room laughing talking about all of my suns, their lives, and what we’ve experienced. As I sat, listened, and watched the two of them together I realized two things; one I had made the right decision to leave them with their father because of their relationship; but the second was a little heartbreaking as I came to an even further conclusion of how much I had really missed out on my boys lives.  That night I would be happy and sad at the same time.  When they left my heart was a little heavy. It wasn’t heavy because I thought that I should’ve stayed in the relationship with their father but because I felt that maybe I should’ve stayed closer to them so that I did not miss them growing up, football games, and many firsts.
I allowed myself to feel these emotions and think about what could’ve been if I had not moved to a different state and remained physically closer to my children. I cried a little at the things that I had missed, time that was lost, and then asked myself questions, waited for the answers and listened to myself as I spoke. I knew it was necessary for me not to run from the answers and the things that I had done but to gain an understanding of what has happened, why, and how to move on and heal from them.
I have since reconciled my feeling with regards to that night, and our past. I believe that things happen for many different reasons and we should not relive them over and over but to work through them so that we can have a better future.

Keith Young- Conversations With Kai Mann


Tonight we have an in-depth discussion with Keith D. Young, mental and spiritual transformation educator about how we’ve been programmed and how to affect the world around us instead of being affected by the world around us. Watch the show Wednesday, September 13th to get an in-depth understanding of transformation and astral projection. Watch the Conversations With Kai Mann show Wednesdays at 7pm EST. Log on to http://www.watchthelivenetwork.com.

Keith Young

http://afroperspectives.com

Facebook: @keithyoung

Instagram: @keithyounghero

Kai Mann kai-mann.com

Twitter: @kaiology

Instagram: @kaiology

Facebook: @kai.mann

Tumblr: @kaiology

Twitter: @converskaimann

Facebook: @conversationswithkaimann

Instagram: @conversationswithkaimann

Tumblr: @conversationswithkaimann

elevationnationmedia.com

Executive Producer: Kai Mann

Producer: Lenderrick Jones

Creative Director: Yahminah McIntosh

Music: Sunny Day [audioblocks] audioblocks.com

Mahogany Jones- Conversations With Kai Mann


Join us on the couch for a fun but powerful conversation with performance and recording artist Mahogany Jones. Mahogany, also an arts educator and activist shares her journey through hip hop, being a woman in hip hop, and her dynamic life. Watch the show Wednesdays at 7pm EST.

Visit http://www.watchthelivenetwork.com.

Mahogany Jones http://mahoganyjones.com

Facebook: @mahoganyjones

Instagram: @mahoganyjonz

Kai Mann kai-mann.com

Twitter: @kaiology

Instagram: @kaiology

Facebook: @kai.mann

Tumblr: @kaiology

Twitter: @converskaimann

Facebook: @conversationswithkaimann

Instagram: @conversationswithkaimann

Tumblr: @conversationswithkaimann

elevationnationmedia.com

Executive Producer: Kai Mann

Producer: Lenderrick Jones

Creative Director: Yahminah McIntosh

Music: Sunny Day [audioblocks] audioblocks.com

Letting Go


I’ve had my truck for 5 years. This last year was tough but the last 6 months was even tougher. My goal was to pay off my truck and wait at least six months before I purchased a new vehicle. I wanted to invest more money into my myself and my businesses but as life would have it, it would not turn out that way. I tried everything to keep her alive. I gave her a brand new start, an alternative life, cell replacement, gave her a brake, and even helped her stay warm when her thermometer went out. She had unusual sized feet and needed special shoes that weren’t carried in every tire store and would cost almost $150 each for the least expensive shoe. She was dying and I knew it but I tried to hold on at every cost to revive her.

Have you ever tried to hold on to something that you knew that you should let go of but you think that you can revive it, or make it better? I have on many occasions. Sometimes trying to hold on to things you make it worse. If I would’ve just traded my truck in when I saw that it was dying instead of spending all of that money to keep her alive I’d have more money in my bank account and could of possibly been further along in my endeavors. You would think that by now that I would know exactly when to let go, start over, or keep moving; but it has been a lesson that I’ve had to learn quite a few times. These past couple of years I’ve had to let go of a lot of things and people. It has all been to my betterment but it wasn’t easy at all. Today, I am happy and living my best life but I anticipate the next thing that I’ll have to let go of. What about you? How good are you about letting things go?

#lettinggo #lifehack #growthmindset #growth #selflove #selfequity #selfexpression #selfworth#selfinvestment #business #entrepreneur #businessman #businesswoman #womeninbusiness

Music: {audioblocks.com} The Big Hip Hop Guy

Cassy Jones McBryde – Conversations With Kai Mann


On Wednesday, August 23rd at 7pm EST we have a profound conversation on the Conversations With Kai Mann show about body positivity, and what life is like being plus sized with the Founder of The International Fuller Woman Network Cassy Jones-McBryde. This show is one of my favorites as it highlights images and messages that many of us are never aware of. Join me on the couch for an evening of transformational conversation with Cassy, a conversation that you don’t want to miss.

Watch the show wednesdays at 7pm EST. Log on to http://www.watchthelivenetwork.com.

website:www.fullerwoman.org

Instagram: @conversationswithkaimann
Facebook: @conversationswithkaimann
Twitter: @converskaimann
Tumblr: @conversationswithkaimann

Executive Producer: Kai Mann
Producer: Lenderrick Jones
Creative Director: Yahminah McIntosh

MusicL [audiojungle] Sunny Day
audiojungle.com

Dr Shawn -Conversations With Kai Mann S2:E2


Have you ever wondered why when Mr. or Ms. Right comes along you still treat them like Mr. or Ms. Wrong? On Wednesday, August 9th we had one of the most honest and authentic conversations with Dr. Shawn a licensed professional counselor and psychologist. Dr. Shawn’s candid conversation about life and love opens the Conversations With Kai Mann show up for another level of thought. Join us for heartfelt conversation with Dr. Shawn.

Dr. Shawn
Website: www.drshawnthelpc.com

Conversations With Kai Mann
Twitter: @converskaimann
Instagram: @conversationswithkaimann
Facebook: @conversationswithkaimann

Executive Producer: Kai Mann
Producer: Lenderrick Jones
Creative Director: Yahminah McIntosh

Theme Music: Sunny Day [audiojungle.com]

Who Taught You How To Love


love
[ləv]

NOUN
an intense feeling of deep affection:
used to express affectionate approval for someone:
VERB
feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone):

I’ve been thinking a lot about love these days and have been talking to a few people about it as well.
I hear or even read that many women and men complain about the treatment of, lack of attention, or the way in which someone “loves” them and I think to myself often “no one probably taught them how to love”. Many of us don’t know the ins and outs about love; how to cultivate, nurture, and create a safe space for it to grow. Unless your parents taught you, you probably taught yourself by guaging what someone else did. When I started looking at my own life I realized that if I had to look at all of the relationships I’ve seen over my lifetime and use them as a concept for how to love I’d fail, as I had previously done at love many times before. For many of us, no one has sat us down to teach us about love, how to love, and even what it means to love. Or what’s the most effective communications in love. Often, we just like someone, chase after them and fall what we consider “in love” with them. But, what does that really mean. How do we begin to know how to treat them, how to love them, and the most effective way to communicate with them? Many of us were taught by others who knew nothing about love and most of it was quite wrong. LOL…but what I want to know is, who taught you how to love and are you effective at it?

#love #selflove #relationships #couples #marriage #single #inlove #men #women #selftaught

Dr. Shawn & More on The Live Network


This Wednesday at 7pm EST on Conversations With Kai Mann I sit down for a conversation of truth and healing with Dr. Shawn. Dr. Shawn is an LPC and Ph.D. Dr. Shawn talks love and relationships from introspective perspective. She opens up about her own life. and her journey of growth which helps us to also understand ourselves.

Set a reminder for Wednesday, August 9th at 7pm EST so that you don’t miss one of the best shows this season on the Conversations With Kai Mann show.

Missed any of the shows from the previous seasons. Don’t fret! Go to http://www.watchthelivenetwork.com and click on pages from the menu, and then shows and you can watch any of the previous episodes from any of the shows on The Live Network.

#thelivenetwork #convokaimann #talkshows #poetryshows #internettv #documentaries #docuseries#sportsshows #shortfilms #films #webseries #commercials #podcasts #radioshows #psa #filming#production #media #videography #videoproduction #love #relationships #therapy #growthmindset

Music: http://blocks.com Pulsing Hip Hop Strings
Author: unknown

Conversations With Kai Mann Is Back Today!


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Conversations With Kai Mann Digest

We have a surprise!

Today August 2nd at 7pm EST we are BACK!.

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by Kai Mann on August 02

The second season differs from the 1st season as it is much more intimate to a conversation and not just a show or an interview.  Although the show’s opener is a continuation of the look and feel of the previous season as the show moves on it takes on a more consistent look and feel with an in-studio designed set that allows its guests a more welcoming vibe. This season the show’s goal is to connect with its viewers on a deeper level. Conversations with Kai Mann aims to offer inspiration to others to live a life of personal happiness, fulfillment, spirituality, and consciousness while bridging the gaps individually.

Be sure to set a reminder for Wednesdays at 7:00pm EST and log on and subscribe to www.watchthelivenetwork.com

To watch the season 2 opener teaser click below:

https://youtu.be/_1tEb5mEwFY

LAST SEASON’S

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On Friday, February 24th we had a compelling conversation with the reformed son of the notorious Zone 8 neighborhood in Detroit; Yusef Bunchy Shakur. Shakur talks about wrestling with demons, accepting the power of who he’s become and being a revolutionary.

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Conversations With Kai Mann- Jo The Giant

by Kai Mann on August 02

Her message enables generations to transform their lives by first transforming their mind. On February 4th we sat down with the 4 foot 6 Giant, Jo The Giant that is! Join us as we talk transformation, healing, relationships, fear, and what it takes to be great. .

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Conversations With Kai Mann.

P. O. Box 06215, Plymouth, MI, 48170