Let The Dead Bury The Dead


Okay, so if you follow me on Facebook you know that I post quite a bit of questions, “be mindful” quotes, inspirational flyers and posts to inspire thought. Recently I posted “Let the dead bury the dead”. This was actually posted after I was thinking about Easter and the concept of, traditionalized, and ritualistic events that we partake of during this season.  I wondered if “Jesus” would rather us focus on going within and finding our purpose and what we came to do rather than celebrating his death and resurrection. I wondered if he thought we were too focused on dead things. Dead rituals, dead traditions, dead relationships, and that only the dead could continue to bury the dead year after year, generation after generation. At what point do we begin to do something different realizing the state of the dead walking. And then I started thinking about the concept of Jesus…anyway, my thoughts can sometimes go deeper so rather than posting all of that I just posted “let the dead bury the dead” wondering what others would think of that statement. After posting it I had a family member reply with a bit of concern. I’m laughing at it now because I can see how some could be concerned if their perception of me was depressive. Well, I stated that I was okay and basically that the post was about perception. But this actually got me to thinking after it was said that I’ve given the perception that I was serious. It is no perception at all, I am serious. I’ve always been that way. Don’t get me wrong, that is not the total sum of who I am, but I have always had a serious nature. To really love me you have to know me and not the perception of who you believe me to be.

Many of us say “you don’t know me” and it’s just a thing that is said to another when questioned about an act or deed when something out of the norm was done. But I realized that no one outside of my partner and God really knows me. I believe that my life’s purpose is to be a change, or transformations agent if you will, and my higher self has sown the seeds within my platform of self-love, self-growth, and self-development. A lot of my posts on social media has been about others and what they think, encouraging and empowering them. As a person with a Scorpionic nature I could be called secretive but that’s not who I am really. I share much of me through my writing but those things that are deep I have reserved for the space that call for them. Which normally means for those who too enjoy the more deep, thoughtful conversations and have a need for me to share them. My apple cart would be to have more of these type conversations as this is where I feel most at home.

In my life, I have been the person that people come tell their deepest secrets to. I’m not kidding either, I have people walk up to me in stores or wherever and just start talking to me and telling me intimate things about them. For many I have been the person that has been an ear, the secret keeper, a voice of reason, or given to wisdom. But during this time, no one has really asked me outside of my partner, about me. What do I like, what do I think, what do I need, what do I feel? That is my role within this universe, what I agreed to before I came here and I don’t take it lightly, nor do I bitch and moan about it because that is why I am here; but I believe that I do begin to wonder when people assume that I am one way or given to a perception that I am another way because they never asked.

I then began to think about the relationships that I have with people who are family members and those that would call me friend, I realized that even if they are associated with me by blood, some sort of friendship, or business relationship that they don’t really know me at all. They’ve felt close to me because I have encouraged, supported, filled a void or space in their lives but there has not been much reciprocation. For my family members, they know me from whatever age we last had interaction and for most people that’s who you still are.  I’ve walked a lone path for much of my life. Not lonely or alone, just lone. I am not uncomfortable with this part of me. It has been who I have been for most of my life. It was who I was groomed to be. It was who I circumstantially was destined to be, this is my assignment and I am okay with it. So, not for myself but for others to see, I did a post that said I would give a $100 to the person who could answer all six questions, only because I knew no one could. I wanted to dissolve a perception that I believe people have of me. And these were they:

  1. Why did I change my name to Kai?
  2. What makes me laugh?
  3. What makes me cry?
  4. What is my favorite day of the week?
  5. What has the last 5 years been like for me?
  6. What am I most proud of?

 

 

Senses Heightened


My sense heightened

I just need a minute to

think

time to get with

self

time to rub my scalp

with my own thoughts

how I feel about

whatever

I need to talk

with me

to see how I feel

just to check

in

it used to overwhelm

me

I kept doing it

then today

I realize

that

I’m getting comfortable

I love this

it touches

me

deep

on the

inside

parts ~ Kaiology #Kaism #Kai2pointO

A Private Island


Being on a private Island

just a few of us

Chillin’

Spirits high

bodies low

just relaxed

Being able to do

what we want

whatever that is

seeing beautiful lights

from up high

and then

down low

and how they light up

your heart

It ain’t that deep

but

I like it

Some things should be

What they are

because

it just is

Seeing


 

Seeing

 

We say that we see

but do we really

we look

but we don’t really see

We look at the surface

the stuff on top

we don’t look hard, long, and deep

We look just enough

Enough to make an assumption

we don’t look deeper

to watch

Where we’re no longer

just looking

but we see

Seeing is different

Seeing doesn’t judge

it understands

It knows that

that there is always more

Seeing takes time

it doesn’t just stop

and look

It looks until it sees

Seeing understands that

that we are more complex

than we are simple

but yet we only want

want to choose to look

look on the

top

I know that everyone can’t do it

some people aren’t

compelled to do it

To look a little longer

before you open your

mouth

look like you don’t

you don’t already know

how it’s going to end

Seeing knows

that’s not all to it.

What I’ve learned about me


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I feel like lately I’ve learned a couple of things about myself; that I don’t really care for small talk.  I love deep in-depth conversations where I can learn something new. I prefer a one on one where there’s two people talking sometimes one at a time and sometimes at the same time. I love that I know that about myself. The second thing that I just learned is that I hate to feel like I’m being made to do something. Something gently, not too pushy, not all over me; I don’t like that. I’m glad that I can admit that.~It’s Me

Kaiology