Putting Pressure on God


Some of us put more pressure on the God that’s outside of us than the god that’s inside of us. We’re always saying “if God will allow me to be more, give more, or have more, I will do this or that.” Or we’re always begging for something we have control over. How can one have dominion and beg at the same time. You are either the owner and have controlling power or influence or you are helpless and weak. We stand in these churches and sing these songs talking about the power and might we have and then outside of those four walls we are crumbling piece by piece. Lacking power, dominion and influence. If only you knew exactly who you were.

John 10:33-34 King James Version (KJV)

33 The Jews answered him, saying, For a good work we stone thee not; but for blasphemy; and because that thou, being a man, makest thyself God.

34 Jesus answered them, Is it not written in your law, I said, Ye are gods?

 

Psalm 82:5-7 King James Version (KJV)

They know not, neither will they understand; they walk on in darkness: all the foundations of the earth are out of course.

I have said, Ye are gods; and all of you are children of the most High.

But ye shall die like men, and fall like one of the princes.

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Where’s Kai?


I know that some of you have probably wondered, “where is Kai?”  I’m here. Somewhat in varying degrees of dimensions of what ‘here’ is. I haven’t been on Facebook a lot. Here and there I’ll post but I am in a state of learning and have pulled myself away to get the best education that I possibly can. I’m doing my internal work still, but on a different level.  I haven’t written much because as soon as I think I know a thing I am then charged to bring that level of knowledge, school of thought, or idea even higher. I realize how much I know nothing. How does one speak on things unknown to its fullest. Even now I feel like I’m babbling. I have been in a class of in-depth innerstanding since February of this year. I had planned from October to December of 2017 to do some major things in 2018 and those plans were laid to rest or pushed aside to become more aware of self and Spirituality. I am compelled to dive deeper and go within even more than I ever have.

On Instagram (which I know sounds crazy) but by regranning or sharing most of what I am learning and gathering from the posts of some enlightened souls, I’ve found a sort of refuge. These souls, are relevant to my own innerstanding and have delved into the depths of the mysticisms of their own psyche and schools of thought to find truth by experience. As I type, I find myself forming thoughts about the conversations that I’ve had on Conversations With Kai Mann these past two years and come to the conclusion that now, those conversations do not even begin to scratch the surface of where I am to go now. They were stepping stones to the reality of transformation but transformation as we know it has many levels and its time to take my quest even further. So I sit, get quiet and learn.

I perceive that learning is ever present, it is never ‘all’ or ‘done’ it lasts throughout eternity as we go from one transition or incarnation to another. I find lessons in everything that I do because I look for the lesson in everything that I do. Even in the mundane.  It is all school for thought to be taught from different angles and perspectives.

I’ve stopped most of what I was doing so that I could focus. Outside of a couple of clients I’ve taken life back old school. I knew that I needed a fresh start so I threw away the old canvas, well not really threw it away, I just put it down in the basement so to speak and bought a new canvas.  I’m still thinking if I should throw the old one away but I have started completely over.  I wanted my outer work to reflect  my inner work. I innerstand that I have got to get my house in order. Now earlier, I said that I took it back old school. I’m going to share my truths with you so that you can fully understand because bits and pieces of the truth will only complicate and confuse the lessons.

In February, I delved even deeper into working on my work. I knew that meant that I needed to work on my thinking. The way I have thought over the years have changed me in ways that I don’t recognize or care to take into my future. My inner world had begun to show outwardly and what I saw, I wasn’t too fond of.  I had built walls up from past hurts. I wasn’t that deeply rooted in love spiritually person I had once been. More aloof than ever, energy fully drained and not as focused in areas where I needed to be. Some of my thoughts were immature and unfinished, and I walked around using those thoughts as foundations for major decisions. I decided that I needed to do some things differently and on the next blog post I’ll begin to share exactly what those were.

Why am I’m writing these blogs? Well, I’ve decided to use my blog as an open journal to speak in truth about my transformational journey.  Join me if you’d like.

flyers;

Waldo-Regranned from Eternal Skies

Consciousness- Regranned from Raise The Vibe Tribe

2017 A Year Of Reconciliation


When it is time to be alone everyone you know will disappear. Not in the definition of vanishing and that you are unsure of where they are, or that you yourself didn’t have something to do with their disappearance but it will happen because it is time.  When it is time for you to take in account for the life that you have created you must reconcile the balances of deposits and withdrawals you have taken or given. There is a Divine space of Contemplation of what is, what was, and how it all has affected you, and the people who have walked in the same spaces with you. 2017 has been that year for me, a year of reconciliation. A year to reconcile or balance the accounts and transactions that I have made throughout the years.

The first step was reconciling the discrepancies and over 49 years there have been many. You see, when you reconcile a discrepancy it begins with the date a transaction was done. This relates to the stories we have told ourselves since the transactions, to account for and balance them. We may have reconciled it since that date with ourselves but if there was anyone else involved it must also be reconciled with them as well. When this happens the story usually changes because listening you now hear it from their perspective and can garner a full picture. This picture usually changes from what your limited vision has been to seeing a picture in its entirety. A 360 view. Now, seeing everything, you must come to grips with what you will do with the picture you now see.

As 2017 progressed I’ve been going over my life piece by piece. Dealing with one thing at a time; myself, my children, my family, my relationships, and friendships. What I feel as each part of my life has been called to be reconciled I’ve learned that I’ve walked in a space of what borders on selfishness and abandonment depending on the side of the road that I am walking and on what day. No matter the time or day, it is surely the time to be reconciled with all my past actions. The scales of life are now balanced, and the time of judgement is now due. This judgement I exact upon myself as the consequences of life bears down on me.  It bears down not in a fit of angry rage but of truth, and genuine conversations and thought. No malice or ill-will intended, the bearing down comes from wanting to feel lighter as I move into this next phase of life and try to understand the breadth of what is weighing me down. And without hesitation or apprehension I resist not the bearing down as I have demanded of my higher self to know and understand more, and this bearing down comes as a result of what has transpired.

The time has come for me to see with full vision how the other half has lived. While being in a state of what was deemed as “Saving myself” so that I could still be here to enjoy life with each of my pieces I believe that I detoured which left some to fend for themselves. As each piece would come to full view there became an overwhelming state of shame and guilt as I could see some of the devastation that was left behind. Although normal to feel guilt and shame, I knew too that in order to move forward it too was okay to let those feelings go, but not before apologizing for the past hurt, or what could have felt like betrayal, or disloyalty on my part.

It’s tough to stand at full attention, dropping ego to the floor, and at times your own feelings so that you can hold on to the weight of their feelings, and emotions while hearing their and your story from the place where they stood. What felt like unconditional love to me was that there has never been any judgement of me, to me, from their lips. Just stories of what happened on their journeys. They never held me in contempt or condemnation, never yelled, or spoke in a condescending tone: They just told me the story. I thank God for that because I didn’t want to be made to feel worse by them or by me for that matter. Sometimes when we make it about us we demand that they make us feel guilty, or more guilt so that we can bear the weight of what happened. There is little time nor energy for that. We have all been through something but the realization of it all is to continue to learn from, grow, and evolve those stories to make new and better ones. I cannot thank them enough for their handling of me in my mishandling of them.

As I continue to allow myself to be opened however it comes, I don’t feel gutted, but I can speak with honesty and saying that sometimes as I see me at some stages of life, I don’t like me.  I don’t like the me that left in the manner in which I did. I don’t like the me that detoured from the spontaneity of life and checked out on the people that mattered. I know that I didn’t do it on purpose, and I know that I did it with limited knowledge, sight, and vision but I do wish that I had done it differently. But even so, when I think about that statement I know that if I had, I wouldn’t be the same person that I am now, having the same experiences that I am now and who’s to say that they would’ve been better or worse. This is life. The one that I chose, and I believe that I have the capacity to live it and that is what I am going to do. So, I continue to allow self to be opened, taught, displayed, grown, evolved, and ultimately transfigured because one thing that I am sure of is that this ‘is’ what I put here to do.

 

 

 

 

De’Andrea Matthews- Conversations With Kai Mann


Graced with an abundance of gifts, Dr. De’ Andrea Matthews, without reservation, selflessly pours her heart into her work and into the lives of many in various capacities. Join us on the couch tonight for a conversation about diversity and inclusion. Watch the show Wednesdays at 7pm EST.

Visit http://www.watchthelivenetwork.com

Dr. Dee Website: https://about.me/DrDee#

Twitter: @DrDCMatthews Instagram: @drdcmatthews

Kai Mann kai-mann.com Twitter: @kaiology Instagram: @kaiology Facebook: @kai.mann Tumblr: @kaiology

Twitter: @converskaimann Facebook: @conversationswithkaimann Instagram: @conversationswithkaimann Tumblr: @conversationswithkaimann

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Executive Producer: Kai Mann Producer: Lenderrick Jones Creative Director: Yahminah McIntosh

Music: Sunny Day [audioblocks] audioblocks.com

Vanessa Lynn- Conversations With Kai Mann


Tonight we have one of the most honest and bold conversations of the season. Join us on the couch as we talk with writer, producer, visionary, and motivator Vanessa Lynn of the hit stage play “Unequally Yoked”. Watch Conversations With Kai Mann Wednesdays by visiting http://www.watchthelivenetwork.com at 7pm EST. Vanessa Lynn

http://vanessalynn.info

Facebook: @vanessalynn

Instagram: @vanesslynn1

Kai Mann kai-mann.com

Twitter: @kaiology

Instagram: @kaiology

Facebook: @kai.mann

Tumblr: @kaiology

Twitter: @converskaimann

Facebook: @conversationswithkaimann

Instagram: @conversationswithkaimann Tumblr: @conversationswithkaimann

elevationnationmedia.com

Executive Producer: Kai Mann Producer: Lenderrick Jones Creative Director: Yahminah McIntosh

Music: Sunny Day [audioblocks] audioblocks.com

Don’t Forget to Stand Out


“Today, be mindful to stand out.”

Sometimes it may be difficult to stand out because of the light that shines on us. Sometimes that light shines so bright that it shows our flaws, imperfections, mistakes, and our failures. This can make it hard to stand up in our truth because of how feel about those things. When we begin to understand that sometimes our lives are the lessons for others to see we can understand the light and therefore not be afraid of it. #letyourlightshine

New Episode- Conversations With Kai Mann 11/1/2017


Join us on the couch Wed. November 1st at 7pm EST when we talk balancing life and hustling with Cassandra Carter.  Visit www.watchthelivenetwork.com

#fastlife #books #author #model#modeling #transformation #millennial

Healing From The Past- Part 3


As I move deeper into this journey my passion to seek a higher me has escalated to deepening and widening my search. I have been meditating more, reading the Bible as well as different books , listening to YouTube videos on the law of attraction (Abraham-Hicks), and watching Documentaries about spirituality. I am determined to find a way to tap more into the inner me so that I may begin to live from a point of abundance. This is my nature and has always been a part of my life in some way, shape, or form. I am a seeker of self, and always willing to go higher, but this time it’s different.

There are 4 more days until my birthday and usually during this season I am contemplative as a practice. But what I have come to understand is that this contemplative state that I have been pursuing has been going on now for about five years. The need to find a deeper meaning to who I am, my purpose and how to move into the next dimension of my life has me on a journey of miraculous growth and evolution. I’ve sat in thought and mulled over these past couple of years and asked myself “When do you think that you started this transition” only because I was thinking the process was taking too long. It is, but it is okay. You see, in past times I have been able to get the lessons quicker but now it takes more time than usual to get to the root of who I am, helping me to bring out the core. If I could soak my soul into the very lessons that I am learning and have it to become sheer manifestation I would but it will take more than that. If my intentions became like air that one breathes without thought I will have tamed and mastered the beast that is me.

I have come to believe that the lessons are different this time because this is not a transition or move from one level to the next, this feels as if I am moving from one dimension to the next. My emotions are fluctuating in as much as I feel like I’m winning one day and maybe feeling the uncertainty that can make you feel overwhelmed the next. Having feelings that can make one seem immature or even lost at times can break open your spirit. We think that we know ourselves but who we are changes, grows, and evolves as we move through different terrain. Never having gone this way before there seems to be no real GPS except to say, “Now go this way” at the exact point of the turn. Who I have believed myself to be has been challenged to the point of asking “Who am I now”.  Currently when I look in the mirror I see a different me spiritually, mentally, and physically. I’m not willing to turn back though. I find the courage with each step to keep moving forward feeling like I am walking in the wilderness. The forest is thick with barely enough light, but I know it is coming soon so I keep moving. I am determined to let go and shed my old self but honestly, the emotionality of it all is vast. Holding up mirrors to oneself and having the courage to not look away as you discover the truths to the past and your now experience makes you long for the future. However, I am learning to love the contrast that is before me even though at times it can be painful. Soul opening to be exact, but I recognize the reasons for its nature to insist that I evolve. Growing pains aint’ got nothing on this but I’d wouldn’t change any of it for I know when it is over I will be “new”.

 

 

Healing From The Past


I heard it so clear ” You’re not going to be able to move forward and help others until you first are able to help yourself.”
The reason I host a transformational internet talk show is because I too am transforming. I am in a perpetual state of transformation and this dimension of transformation has been the most difficult. Even still, I believe that I have finally found that one piece (peace) that will take me to the other side. Finally.
I have three suns that are now grown men that I did not raise. Not in the traditional sense. During their childhood we spent every Christmas, New Years, and a couple weeks during the summer together every year for ten years. This part of my transitioning into the next dimension has been the most difficult because as I have been dealing with certain things in my life this part has been the most eye-opening, hurtful, shameful, and even guilt ridden.  Although my children and I each have great relationships, and they have never judged me for leaving them with their father or not being there 24/7 it is I who have dealt with life the most internally regarding this decision.  Their love for me have never waned and the older they get we seem to get closer.
Two years ago I made a decision to let go of a Nine year relationship because I felt I was not growing. I felt in some way stuck and not because my partner at the time made me feel that way but because I understood that we were going in different directions and the relationship itself was not growing. Leaving this relationship allowed me to spend quite a bit of time alone. Something I hadn’t done since 2005 after being run over by a car. This time alone afforded me the time to once again look at myself; up close and personal and do some inside work.
Eight months into my alone time and working on myself my youngest came to live with me to get himself together.  I felt like this was a second opportunity to get to know each other more and to deal with some things from our past so again, I was willing to do the work.  The fun quickly dissipated as this was a daunting task, more than I had imagined but too there were loving spaces for us to enjoy as well. But I  had to admit  that again,I found myself in a tough space trying to heal with someone who is now grown.  For  fourteen months we lived together trying to coexist in a world we both were new to at different points in our lives. This best thing was that neither of us held any resentment of the other even though we were getting on each others nerves at times and we loved each other more than we got on each others nerves. We were learning, growing, and letting go of parts of ourselves that were no longer needed or effective in order to have a more functional relationship. During the times we talked I would find myself learning just how much I had missed out of his and his brothers lives. I felt guilty at best even though he wasn’t telling me so that I could, he would just tell me stories of things that he had lived, and I myself saw what he had endured because I was not there.
My sun moved out recently and we are at a great place. Even though some of it was tough it was one of the best experiences that I’ve had. It was so necessary for the growth of us both and helped us to be able to move forward in our purpose.  Not long ago his father came to town for a funeral and of course he stopped by to see my son, and then they both came to see me.  My ex-husband and I have always remained friends over the years as divorced mothers and fathers should in order to co-parent children. We also check in with one another from time to time as well. We all sat in my living room laughing talking about all of my suns, their lives, and what we’ve experienced. As I sat, listened, and watched the two of them together I realized two things; one I had made the right decision to leave them with their father because of their relationship; but the second was a little heartbreaking as I came to an even further conclusion of how much I had really missed out on my boys lives.  That night I would be happy and sad at the same time.  When they left my heart was a little heavy. It wasn’t heavy because I thought that I should’ve stayed in the relationship with their father but because I felt that maybe I should’ve stayed closer to them so that I did not miss them growing up, football games, and many firsts.
I allowed myself to feel these emotions and think about what could’ve been if I had not moved to a different state and remained physically closer to my children. I cried a little at the things that I had missed, time that was lost, and then asked myself questions, waited for the answers and listened to myself as I spoke. I knew it was necessary for me not to run from the answers and the things that I had done but to gain an understanding of what has happened, why, and how to move on and heal from them.
I have since reconciled my feeling with regards to that night, and our past. I believe that things happen for many different reasons and we should not relive them over and over but to work through them so that we can have a better future.

Conversations With Kai Mann Is Back Today!


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Conversations With Kai Mann Digest

We have a surprise!

Today August 2nd at 7pm EST we are BACK!.

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by Kai Mann on August 02

The second season differs from the 1st season as it is much more intimate to a conversation and not just a show or an interview.  Although the show’s opener is a continuation of the look and feel of the previous season as the show moves on it takes on a more consistent look and feel with an in-studio designed set that allows its guests a more welcoming vibe. This season the show’s goal is to connect with its viewers on a deeper level. Conversations with Kai Mann aims to offer inspiration to others to live a life of personal happiness, fulfillment, spirituality, and consciousness while bridging the gaps individually.

Be sure to set a reminder for Wednesdays at 7:00pm EST and log on and subscribe to www.watchthelivenetwork.com

To watch the season 2 opener teaser click below:

https://youtu.be/_1tEb5mEwFY

LAST SEASON’S

TOP SHOWS

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Conversations With Kai Mann- Yusef ‘Bunchy Shakur

by Kai Mann on August 02

On Friday, February 24th we had a compelling conversation with the reformed son of the notorious Zone 8 neighborhood in Detroit; Yusef Bunchy Shakur. Shakur talks about wrestling with demons, accepting the power of who he’s become and being a revolutionary.

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Conversations With Kai Mann- Jo The Giant

by Kai Mann on August 02

Her message enables generations to transform their lives by first transforming their mind. On February 4th we sat down with the 4 foot 6 Giant, Jo The Giant that is! Join us as we talk transformation, healing, relationships, fear, and what it takes to be great. .

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Conversations With Kai Mann.

P. O. Box 06215, Plymouth, MI, 48170