2017 A Year Of Reconciliation


When it is time to be alone everyone you know will disappear. Not in the definition of vanishing and that you are unsure of where they are, or that you yourself didn’t have something to do with their disappearance but it will happen because it is time.  When it is time for you to take in account for the life that you have created you must reconcile the balances of deposits and withdrawals you have taken or given. There is a Divine space of Contemplation of what is, what was, and how it all has affected you, and the people who have walked in the same spaces with you. 2017 has been that year for me, a year of reconciliation. A year to reconcile or balance the accounts and transactions that I have made throughout the years.

The first step was reconciling the discrepancies and over 49 years there have been many. You see, when you reconcile a discrepancy it begins with the date a transaction was done. This relates to the stories we have told ourselves since the transactions, to account for and balance them. We may have reconciled it since that date with ourselves but if there was anyone else involved it must also be reconciled with them as well. When this happens the story usually changes because listening you now hear it from their perspective and can garner a full picture. This picture usually changes from what your limited vision has been to seeing a picture in its entirety. A 360 view. Now, seeing everything, you must come to grips with what you will do with the picture you now see.

As 2017 progressed I’ve been going over my life piece by piece. Dealing with one thing at a time; myself, my children, my family, my relationships, and friendships. What I feel as each part of my life has been called to be reconciled I’ve learned that I’ve walked in a space of what borders on selfishness and abandonment depending on the side of the road that I am walking and on what day. No matter the time or day, it is surely the time to be reconciled with all my past actions. The scales of life are now balanced, and the time of judgement is now due. This judgement I exact upon myself as the consequences of life bears down on me.  It bears down not in a fit of angry rage but of truth, and genuine conversations and thought. No malice or ill-will intended, the bearing down comes from wanting to feel lighter as I move into this next phase of life and try to understand the breadth of what is weighing me down. And without hesitation or apprehension I resist not the bearing down as I have demanded of my higher self to know and understand more, and this bearing down comes as a result of what has transpired.

The time has come for me to see with full vision how the other half has lived. While being in a state of what was deemed as “Saving myself” so that I could still be here to enjoy life with each of my pieces I believe that I detoured which left some to fend for themselves. As each piece would come to full view there became an overwhelming state of shame and guilt as I could see some of the devastation that was left behind. Although normal to feel guilt and shame, I knew too that in order to move forward it too was okay to let those feelings go, but not before apologizing for the past hurt, or what could have felt like betrayal, or disloyalty on my part.

It’s tough to stand at full attention, dropping ego to the floor, and at times your own feelings so that you can hold on to the weight of their feelings, and emotions while hearing their and your story from the place where they stood. What felt like unconditional love to me was that there has never been any judgement of me, to me, from their lips. Just stories of what happened on their journeys. They never held me in contempt or condemnation, never yelled, or spoke in a condescending tone: They just told me the story. I thank God for that because I didn’t want to be made to feel worse by them or by me for that matter. Sometimes when we make it about us we demand that they make us feel guilty, or more guilt so that we can bear the weight of what happened. There is little time nor energy for that. We have all been through something but the realization of it all is to continue to learn from, grow, and evolve those stories to make new and better ones. I cannot thank them enough for their handling of me in my mishandling of them.

As I continue to allow myself to be opened however it comes, I don’t feel gutted, but I can speak with honesty and saying that sometimes as I see me at some stages of life, I don’t like me.  I don’t like the me that left in the manner in which I did. I don’t like the me that detoured from the spontaneity of life and checked out on the people that mattered. I know that I didn’t do it on purpose, and I know that I did it with limited knowledge, sight, and vision but I do wish that I had done it differently. But even so, when I think about that statement I know that if I had, I wouldn’t be the same person that I am now, having the same experiences that I am now and who’s to say that they would’ve been better or worse. This is life. The one that I chose, and I believe that I have the capacity to live it and that is what I am going to do. So, I continue to allow self to be opened, taught, displayed, grown, evolved, and ultimately transfigured because one thing that I am sure of is that this ‘is’ what I put here to do.

 

 

 

 

Red Pill or Blue


Today, be mindful that you get to choose the red pill or the blue.

Every morning that you wake you get a choice. You get to choose if you’ll unplug from the matrix, walk into your Divine Purpose, and be guided by Divine Wisdom and Knowledge. Or, take the blue pill and remain the same. It’s more than just staying #woke it’s about allowing yourself to walk in the Full Knowledge of this world, your Purpose, and your Power.

Many of us decide to take the distractions of this world over taking the red pill every morning because it allows us to stay the same and not have to work to change, grow, and ultimately evolve. I mean, who wants to be responsible to change their life in the most impactful and effective ways and possibly change the lives of others right? Most of the people we know take the same blue pill anyway, so if I stay the same I don’t have to worry about being different. I can be relatable because we’re talking about the same things, we’re reading the same things, and we’re watching the same things and having the same mindless experiences. I don’t have to worry about carrying the weight of the world (knowledge) by myself and not have anything new to talk about or anyone to talk to. We all know that it’s more than just about being a better entrepreneur, author, producer, marketer, or person for that matter. It’s about taking the responsibility of ‘self’ to a whole other dimension and dedicating your life to achieving the highest level of ‘self’ that you can achieve. The greatest part of this is intentionally letting go (unplugging) from the distractions that keep us ‘sleep’. Distractions like racism, sexism, judgment, separatism, and the mindlessness activities that keep us in a perpetual loop of ‘being stuck’. We have a responsibility to ourselves and to others to evolve to our ‘higher’ selves and be greater so that the world can ultimately be greater but when we continuously choose the blue pill we make that harder each and every day.

Today, which pill will you choose? The red or the blue.

#redpill #bluepill #consciousness#mindfulness #evolve #mindhack #racism#judgment #sexism #knowledgeispower#wisdom #unplug #higherself #selflove#staywoke

Healing From The Past- Part 3


As I move deeper into this journey my passion to seek a higher me has escalated to deepening and widening my search. I have been meditating more, reading the Bible as well as different books , listening to YouTube videos on the law of attraction (Abraham-Hicks), and watching Documentaries about spirituality. I am determined to find a way to tap more into the inner me so that I may begin to live from a point of abundance. This is my nature and has always been a part of my life in some way, shape, or form. I am a seeker of self, and always willing to go higher, but this time it’s different.

There are 4 more days until my birthday and usually during this season I am contemplative as a practice. But what I have come to understand is that this contemplative state that I have been pursuing has been going on now for about five years. The need to find a deeper meaning to who I am, my purpose and how to move into the next dimension of my life has me on a journey of miraculous growth and evolution. I’ve sat in thought and mulled over these past couple of years and asked myself “When do you think that you started this transition” only because I was thinking the process was taking too long. It is, but it is okay. You see, in past times I have been able to get the lessons quicker but now it takes more time than usual to get to the root of who I am, helping me to bring out the core. If I could soak my soul into the very lessons that I am learning and have it to become sheer manifestation I would but it will take more than that. If my intentions became like air that one breathes without thought I will have tamed and mastered the beast that is me.

I have come to believe that the lessons are different this time because this is not a transition or move from one level to the next, this feels as if I am moving from one dimension to the next. My emotions are fluctuating in as much as I feel like I’m winning one day and maybe feeling the uncertainty that can make you feel overwhelmed the next. Having feelings that can make one seem immature or even lost at times can break open your spirit. We think that we know ourselves but who we are changes, grows, and evolves as we move through different terrain. Never having gone this way before there seems to be no real GPS except to say, “Now go this way” at the exact point of the turn. Who I have believed myself to be has been challenged to the point of asking “Who am I now”.  Currently when I look in the mirror I see a different me spiritually, mentally, and physically. I’m not willing to turn back though. I find the courage with each step to keep moving forward feeling like I am walking in the wilderness. The forest is thick with barely enough light, but I know it is coming soon so I keep moving. I am determined to let go and shed my old self but honestly, the emotionality of it all is vast. Holding up mirrors to oneself and having the courage to not look away as you discover the truths to the past and your now experience makes you long for the future. However, I am learning to love the contrast that is before me even though at times it can be painful. Soul opening to be exact, but I recognize the reasons for its nature to insist that I evolve. Growing pains aint’ got nothing on this but I’d wouldn’t change any of it for I know when it is over I will be “new”.