Let The Dead Bury The Dead


Okay, so if you follow me on Facebook you know that I post quite a bit of questions, “be mindful” quotes, inspirational flyers and posts to inspire thought. Recently I posted “Let the dead bury the dead”. This was actually posted after I was thinking about Easter and the concept of, traditionalized, and ritualistic events that we partake of during this season.  I wondered if “Jesus” would rather us focus on going within and finding our purpose and what we came to do rather than celebrating his death and resurrection. I wondered if he thought we were too focused on dead things. Dead rituals, dead traditions, dead relationships, and that only the dead could continue to bury the dead year after year, generation after generation. At what point do we begin to do something different realizing the state of the dead walking. And then I started thinking about the concept of Jesus…anyway, my thoughts can sometimes go deeper so rather than posting all of that I just posted “let the dead bury the dead” wondering what others would think of that statement. After posting it I had a family member reply with a bit of concern. I’m laughing at it now because I can see how some could be concerned if their perception of me was depressive. Well, I stated that I was okay and basically that the post was about perception. But this actually got me to thinking after it was said that I’ve given the perception that I was serious. It is no perception at all, I am serious. I’ve always been that way. Don’t get me wrong, that is not the total sum of who I am, but I have always had a serious nature. To really love me you have to know me and not the perception of who you believe me to be.

Many of us say “you don’t know me” and it’s just a thing that is said to another when questioned about an act or deed when something out of the norm was done. But I realized that no one outside of my partner and God really knows me. I believe that my life’s purpose is to be a change, or transformations agent if you will, and my higher self has sown the seeds within my platform of self-love, self-growth, and self-development. A lot of my posts on social media has been about others and what they think, encouraging and empowering them. As a person with a Scorpionic nature I could be called secretive but that’s not who I am really. I share much of me through my writing but those things that are deep I have reserved for the space that call for them. Which normally means for those who too enjoy the more deep, thoughtful conversations and have a need for me to share them. My apple cart would be to have more of these type conversations as this is where I feel most at home.

In my life, I have been the person that people come tell their deepest secrets to. I’m not kidding either, I have people walk up to me in stores or wherever and just start talking to me and telling me intimate things about them. For many I have been the person that has been an ear, the secret keeper, a voice of reason, or given to wisdom. But during this time, no one has really asked me outside of my partner, about me. What do I like, what do I think, what do I need, what do I feel? That is my role within this universe, what I agreed to before I came here and I don’t take it lightly, nor do I bitch and moan about it because that is why I am here; but I believe that I do begin to wonder when people assume that I am one way or given to a perception that I am another way because they never asked.

I then began to think about the relationships that I have with people who are family members and those that would call me friend, I realized that even if they are associated with me by blood, some sort of friendship, or business relationship that they don’t really know me at all. They’ve felt close to me because I have encouraged, supported, filled a void or space in their lives but there has not been much reciprocation. For my family members, they know me from whatever age we last had interaction and for most people that’s who you still are.  I’ve walked a lone path for much of my life. Not lonely or alone, just lone. I am not uncomfortable with this part of me. It has been who I have been for most of my life. It was who I was groomed to be. It was who I circumstantially was destined to be, this is my assignment and I am okay with it. So, not for myself but for others to see, I did a post that said I would give a $100 to the person who could answer all six questions, only because I knew no one could. I wanted to dissolve a perception that I believe people have of me. And these were they:

  1. Why did I change my name to Kai?
  2. What makes me laugh?
  3. What makes me cry?
  4. What is my favorite day of the week?
  5. What has the last 5 years been like for me?
  6. What am I most proud of?

 

 

One Voice For All


I love to hear different points of view because it allows me different perspectives. The other day I was listening to this video and what David Banner was saying made me think a bit more about how we think as a society sometimes carries an undertone for “group think”  using the term of ‘being on one accord’ and how that maybe some of our definitions in the belief of “group think”  or “being on one accord” are different. I believe in group think as a collective  and believe that we should be on one accord when it is beneficial and leading a group of people in a desired direction but my idea on “Group think” or “being on one accord” may be different from someone else’s. I believe that group think benefits a culture, a society, a community and so on but I believe it should promote and support individuality as well. My belief is that our uniqueness originating by consciousness deems us so or we would’ve all been made alike in every other way excluding physical appearance. But that our uniqueness (individuality) allows each of us a specific purpose, one different from the other that moves our world, society, community, etc into the next phase, level, dimension, or state of consciousness.  When listening to David Banner, and you may not agree once you watch the video but it seems that he might’ve suggested that we should as a whole be more aggressive and that the person we choose to speak for us should be more like the Killmongers in life. I myself believe that it takes both T’Challa and Killmonger to move us forward and that one message or platform isn’t better than the other but both serves one another. I believe that they both work in tandem and offers to each of us by what we resonate with most an idea or belief that we can individually get behind if we so choose. Allowing for the different messages to ring true without denying either one. Neither more right or more wrong, they just are. Again, to me it takes both archetypes to move a society forward.

With respect to “Black Panther” and “Real Life” I believe that our heroes can and should be different and they don’t all have to be the same or look the same. That our heroes are born out of their particular struggle and those that resonate within that struggle will deem them as such. Case in point. Dr. Martin Luther King and Malcolm X (two people used in the video), same struggle different message. I don’t believe that one message worked more over the other. I believed they resonated with the people that they were supposed to resonate with and helped to move a society within their respective agendas. It doesn’t take away or make one less of a hero than the other.  In the end they were both assassinated for what they believed in…the same struggle. As a diverse people I am not sure that one voice can speak for us all. I think it takes many voices. A diverse group of voices resonating thought surrounding the same agenda. Yes, at times it can be noisy for the untrained ear but my belief is that diverse voices can speak for a whole. What do you think/believe?

 

I am A Seeker


Just a few facts about the nature of who I am so that you may better understand me, my posts, my actions, or lack of action in some cases.
I am a seeker. I seek truth and a deeper meaning to life through spirituality. I don’t mind telling my truth and I am anything but superficial about it. If I am wrong, I never have a problem saying that I am, apologizing and trying to effect change to move forward from that wrong. I can be a loner at times as I truly prefer deeper conversation and stimulation, however that does not mean that I don’t like to laugh. As a matter of fact, I can be really silly at times. I don’t mind confrontation as I know it to be a way of growth and change if we are to do so especially when done correctly. If you’ve been a part of my social sphere for at least 3 or more years you’ll notice that I have been in a constant state of change and transformation. I am committed to a life of transformation; dying, resurrecting, and regenerating. It is a part of who I am as a person, I came into this world this way and I tend to at times be obsessive about that change and transformation especially in times of feeling stuck. So, balance is always important to me. My posts somewhat strategic in nature are always designed to inspire thought and self love, more so to get us to think more about our own power and nature and truly love who we are. I also try to inspire others to keep going. It is my way of having a closer connection with others who are seeking the same but may need some confirmation, support or empowerment. There are parts of me that some people may not like as I can come of self centered but I am not. (I used to come off as self-righteous and I was.) However, I love people and I’m most interested in their growth. Sometimes who I am can come off as cold or emotionless because I am severely focused and at times that leaves no room for much else but that which I am focused upon. It is never my intention to make anyone else feel like they don’t matter but I border on obsessive when I am trying to accomplish something. On the flip side of things I am not afraid of the darker side of life. I understand the yin and yang of life, so I have the ability to examine and explore those parts of me, others, and different forms of spirituality to get a better understanding of life. (This part of me is newly recognized. I used to be afraid, something that had to do with religion) I understand that everything in life is not always good or bad in which the law of duality explains. And that life isn’t always on the up, as the law of rhythm states that the pendulum swings both ways. We must be able to deal with both sides of the swing. But, I have always had a great need to work, walk, and delve into the things of the spirit that represent consciousness to a higher level. I am always looking to learn more. I seek knowledge wherever I can find it to help me tap into my higher self because I believe there is always more. I constantly challenge myself and others to look at ourselves in a way that encourages and promote self love, self growth and self-evolution whatever that may mean for each of us. For me this has caused me to transform at different periods during life, leaving some to know a different Kai that may no longer exist. But my posts pretty much say it all. If you’d like to know more I’m always available but not through inbox, messenger or DM’s. I’m not hard to find though. #transformation#transmutation #inspiration #seeker #seekerforlife#truth #lawofduality #lawofrhythm #universallaws#selflove #selfgrowth #selfevolution

Get Lost


I’ve often found it hard to fathom when people say “Ain’t nothing changed.” I wonder why they take pride in that.  And if nothing’s changed wouldn’t that be apparent and no need to speak on it. So, obviously something has changed but in order to not be different we are encouraged to stay the same. Something about feeling different from the pack will make some denounce that change however good it is. As I’ve been made cognizant of the many lives that I’ve lived, the many breathes I’ve been able to take, and the many dimensions, stages and levels of those dimensions I feel blessed to have changed. You see, I believe that as the outside changes the inside is what should change the most.

Walking through life in the thick of it sometimes we don’t see that change. But when we slow down and go to the observatory of our lives we can see that change in retrospection. An observation of life through the height and depth of it all can be an exhaustive feat but nevertheless, as we begin to explore we find that the valleys can be low, dragging self-esteem with it. And the mountains so high that the intensity to pull one’s self out of the valley hard.

Somewhere in this we begin to feel lost and unsure of who we are.  The way gives the appearance that we are walking aimlessly throughout specific paths of the journey. But, if we are to ponder our explorations we can see that there is such a blessing in getting lost a few times.  Even in the act of surviving the most traumatic issues along the way we can get lost in the experience of it all, yet even still a blessing can be seen if we look. I believe that although we may feel lost from time to time, we aren’t. I know for a fact that the Creator knows exactly where we are, and we can be confident in where we are growing in those times.

The reward to being lost is when you can see the beauty in finding ‘self’. The strength to move forward while encouraging one’s self through it all gives way to new paths to be seen. When we can envision it correctly we can discover the entrance into the very heart of who we are at that moment. The encouragement that we give to ourselves to look even deeper within allows us to find the strength of all that we possess.

A level of courage is needed when we attempt to find ourselves. Courage to be authentic and honest with one’s self. The type of courage that when used will be the only key that will open doors to other dimensions within you. Daring to discover new lands within yourself enables change to be seen when eyes are wide open, and mirrors held at eye level. It gives you the ability to count the many blessings of living long enough to have been able to see yourself change a number of times.

Lost, is just an illusion when we are unsure of the way. It is a place called ‘change’ that makes us be afraid and makes us believe that we are lost. It’s something about the scenery changing that creates anxiety. However, it is our inner world only that is changing, because our subconscious begins to walk us through uncharted paths that we’ve never journeyed before. It is that our inner most selves have called upon the depths of who we are to take control without our full knowledge of it.  That part of us that has been consistently preparing us for what’s next all of our lives. We are only now realizing that our inner most self is leading us to reach for something more because it is time. No matter who is with us or not, when we understand this we come to love that deeper level of self because it makes us dare to look for more.  It calls us to awaken to life. It calls us to go higher, to go toward the mountain top. Heed the call and to take the scenic view. Ascension is simply breathtaking as you reach for your zenith.

 

 

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2017 A Year Of Reconciliation


When it is time to be alone everyone you know will disappear. Not in the definition of vanishing and that you are unsure of where they are, or that you yourself didn’t have something to do with their disappearance but it will happen because it is time.  When it is time for you to take in account for the life that you have created you must reconcile the balances of deposits and withdrawals you have taken or given. There is a Divine space of Contemplation of what is, what was, and how it all has affected you, and the people who have walked in the same spaces with you. 2017 has been that year for me, a year of reconciliation. A year to reconcile or balance the accounts and transactions that I have made throughout the years.

The first step was reconciling the discrepancies and over 49 years there have been many. You see, when you reconcile a discrepancy it begins with the date a transaction was done. This relates to the stories we have told ourselves since the transactions, to account for and balance them. We may have reconciled it since that date with ourselves but if there was anyone else involved it must also be reconciled with them as well. When this happens the story usually changes because listening you now hear it from their perspective and can garner a full picture. This picture usually changes from what your limited vision has been to seeing a picture in its entirety. A 360 view. Now, seeing everything, you must come to grips with what you will do with the picture you now see.

As 2017 progressed I’ve been going over my life piece by piece. Dealing with one thing at a time; myself, my children, my family, my relationships, and friendships. What I feel as each part of my life has been called to be reconciled I’ve learned that I’ve walked in a space of what borders on selfishness and abandonment depending on the side of the road that I am walking and on what day. No matter the time or day, it is surely the time to be reconciled with all my past actions. The scales of life are now balanced, and the time of judgement is now due. This judgement I exact upon myself as the consequences of life bears down on me.  It bears down not in a fit of angry rage but of truth, and genuine conversations and thought. No malice or ill-will intended, the bearing down comes from wanting to feel lighter as I move into this next phase of life and try to understand the breadth of what is weighing me down. And without hesitation or apprehension I resist not the bearing down as I have demanded of my higher self to know and understand more, and this bearing down comes as a result of what has transpired.

The time has come for me to see with full vision how the other half has lived. While being in a state of what was deemed as “Saving myself” so that I could still be here to enjoy life with each of my pieces I believe that I detoured which left some to fend for themselves. As each piece would come to full view there became an overwhelming state of shame and guilt as I could see some of the devastation that was left behind. Although normal to feel guilt and shame, I knew too that in order to move forward it too was okay to let those feelings go, but not before apologizing for the past hurt, or what could have felt like betrayal, or disloyalty on my part.

It’s tough to stand at full attention, dropping ego to the floor, and at times your own feelings so that you can hold on to the weight of their feelings, and emotions while hearing their and your story from the place where they stood. What felt like unconditional love to me was that there has never been any judgement of me, to me, from their lips. Just stories of what happened on their journeys. They never held me in contempt or condemnation, never yelled, or spoke in a condescending tone: They just told me the story. I thank God for that because I didn’t want to be made to feel worse by them or by me for that matter. Sometimes when we make it about us we demand that they make us feel guilty, or more guilt so that we can bear the weight of what happened. There is little time nor energy for that. We have all been through something but the realization of it all is to continue to learn from, grow, and evolve those stories to make new and better ones. I cannot thank them enough for their handling of me in my mishandling of them.

As I continue to allow myself to be opened however it comes, I don’t feel gutted, but I can speak with honesty and saying that sometimes as I see me at some stages of life, I don’t like me.  I don’t like the me that left in the manner in which I did. I don’t like the me that detoured from the spontaneity of life and checked out on the people that mattered. I know that I didn’t do it on purpose, and I know that I did it with limited knowledge, sight, and vision but I do wish that I had done it differently. But even so, when I think about that statement I know that if I had, I wouldn’t be the same person that I am now, having the same experiences that I am now and who’s to say that they would’ve been better or worse. This is life. The one that I chose, and I believe that I have the capacity to live it and that is what I am going to do. So, I continue to allow self to be opened, taught, displayed, grown, evolved, and ultimately transfigured because one thing that I am sure of is that this ‘is’ what I put here to do.

 

 

 

 

De’Andrea Matthews- Conversations With Kai Mann


Graced with an abundance of gifts, Dr. De’ Andrea Matthews, without reservation, selflessly pours her heart into her work and into the lives of many in various capacities. Join us on the couch tonight for a conversation about diversity and inclusion. Watch the show Wednesdays at 7pm EST.

Visit http://www.watchthelivenetwork.com

Dr. Dee Website: https://about.me/DrDee#

Twitter: @DrDCMatthews Instagram: @drdcmatthews

Kai Mann kai-mann.com Twitter: @kaiology Instagram: @kaiology Facebook: @kai.mann Tumblr: @kaiology

Twitter: @converskaimann Facebook: @conversationswithkaimann Instagram: @conversationswithkaimann Tumblr: @conversationswithkaimann

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Executive Producer: Kai Mann Producer: Lenderrick Jones Creative Director: Yahminah McIntosh

Music: Sunny Day [audioblocks] audioblocks.com

Don’t Forget to Stand Out


“Today, be mindful to stand out.”

Sometimes it may be difficult to stand out because of the light that shines on us. Sometimes that light shines so bright that it shows our flaws, imperfections, mistakes, and our failures. This can make it hard to stand up in our truth because of how feel about those things. When we begin to understand that sometimes our lives are the lessons for others to see we can understand the light and therefore not be afraid of it. #letyourlightshine

I Feel A Shift In The Atmosphere…


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I feel a shift in the atmosphere…

Have you ever been driving, going on a trip somewhere and you get lost? Before you know it, you have driven miles out of the way and have to turn around to go back and get on the right road. I feel like the atmosphere is shifting, taking us back toward the right direction. I know it doesn’t look like that right now but our movement backwards is taking us back to where we got off the road to love and unity. Somewhere in the 80’s or even earlier maybe, I’m not sure; but our will and capacity to love and support one another has gotten off track. I believe the Universe is designed to shift when we get too far off that road which means that we have to turn around and go back, sometimes past the previous hurt and pain. Sometimes we have to go way out of the way just to get back to the right road and it’s going to be through tough terrain because we went through some rough terrain to get here, but loved ones, we can do it. Change the way that you are looking at what’s going on right now. I challenge you to think solution oriented instead of being sad, hurt, disappointed, disgruntled for too long. I’m not telling you that you can’t be, just don’t stay there. When we do, we increase the number of depression, suicide, trauma and all other negative factors that contribute to our societal woes. These woes have been showing their ugly heads for quite some time now. Let’s not divide ourselves into those who did or those who did not but let’s band together in love and unity to show God, the Universe, or whatever it is that you believe in that we as humans are capable of love. Remember, it’s how you look at a situation that determines how you’ll move from that situation. History has a way of repeating itself but if we’ve grown and evolved as we all say that we have then we should have the answers to our looming perpetual problems. Each of us have been given a purpose in this and when we do what it is that we are passionate about or called to do we’ll win.  The stakes are high! I stress, do what “you’re” called to do and don’t try and make others do what you do, only ask of them for their support in your purpose.

Donald Trump says he’s going to make America Great again but it is not he who will make it great! Painfully we will because we have been forced to, but sometimes that’s the only way that we’ll listen.

 

#letlovereign #peacebestill #heedthecall #walkinyourpurpose #shift

What Really Matters?


American Joe Louis Fist

 

 

Black lives matter
All lives matter
LGBTQ lives matter
Brown lives matter
White lives matter

In this world where a Utopian society ceases to be
We don’t understand the world we inevitably see
The death toll of humanity would alarmingly sound
Where the bodies of the latest martyrs of incitement are found
Born into a war we were destined to fight
Where the color of skin would be the predetermined slight
Is hate the opposite where there is no choice
Or does opinion have the loudest voice
directional challenges aimed at those on the same team
purposed to divide and conquer…the age old theme
Slanderous words of ignorance formed from rage and hate
deriving from the unknown corners of mouths ready to prate
Attacks made on those whose processes are slow and silent
trying to comprehend the Universe filled with violence
trading accusations hurled with useless rhetoric
when a solution takes thought for today’s betterment
Wars and rumors of wars will always transpire
Where will today’s sacrificial lamb have a place to retire
Will it be in the streets lined with blood instead of trees
Or in a nightclub under a table shaking on your knees
Purposed to die from the time of inception
From your destiny there is no protection
In other words some of us were born to die
For a cause we were originated to buy
with the cost of our lives we were never asked
It is our slate to be our one and only task
Give up the Ghost for a chance to save humanity
If we had known our assignment would we have plead insanity
How much of a life does it really matter
When we walk among one another daily and spew hateful chatter
Until one of us dies and we forge a counterfeit alliance
Withholding our indifference and trading it in for compliance
because after the battle has been long and forgotten
We return to our state of backbiting and plottin’
Or will this all matter in the end
And a perpetual allegiance to humanity will ultimately begin
Photo credit of:

Afraid


In the past

I’ve been afraid

Afraid to say “I need more”

thinking that you’d

think I was weak

Been afraid to be ‘happy’

thought I didn’t

deserve it

not really

I never said it

to myself

at least not out loud

but all of my

actions said so

carrying old wounds

scars

bruises

and

bites

like a wounded SOULjah

Every piece of negativity

stuck to me

but I wouldn’t

allow myself

to feel it

so I wore it

like a badge of HONOR

today I’m scraping off

dead skin

and picking sores

I know it sounds gross

it is

I’m letting myself

feel

and

deciding what I

want to do with that emotion

by evoking some

personal healing

“Heal thyself”

is all I

can think

of

it’s not easy though

you have to tell on

yourself

to yourself

be HONEST

and deal from a different

level

you gotta open yourself

more than you ever

have

checking with you

to see how you

feel

so you don’t

get lost

Been lost

a lot

too old for that

don’t have

long enough

for it

either

But I  now choose

“Happy”

I remind myself when I forget. ~ KaiologyInk

#Kaism #Kai2pointO