Should I say something or not?

Last year when I was thinking about topics to write about the subject I’m going to speak on today was on that list.  It was one of the first things I wanted to speak on but if you have been reading my blogs you know that I’ve decided to go deeper within, so I haven’t been posting blogs as much. Well, a couple of days ago I was privy to be apart of an experience that reminded me about this subject and thought now is as good of a time as any.

First, I want to speak on love. Love should be an integral part of any conversation and I want to start off by saying that when we speak in and with love we have the audacity to not only change lives but to change worlds. Ours and others. Love of course begins with ourselves but when we know the depth and what it truly means to love ourselves, the truth, honesty and purity of that love can then be truly offered to another. Love is what we should offer to those we know but the true innerstanding of love goes even further to extend itself to those we don’t know.

Love covers a multitude of foolishness, ignorance, judgement, and anything else that one might consider sinful or just offensive; but it also heals them as well. Mainly because we want the best for everyone around us and if we truly understand that statement we have to innerstand that means EVERYone including those we don’t know. That’s where the next thing I want to talk about comes in; Wisdom. Wisdom is not saying something wise but placing the action behind the wise words we choose to speak. Wisdom, although a noun takes action by acting upon the knowledge, experience, insight and common sense that it has obtained to build a better world for itself and ultimately for others. We can quote beautifully placed words all day long but if we don’t have any action behind them they are just words that don’t build worlds. If you believe that you want your world to be different start placing action behind your words and see how the wisdom plays out.

IMG_20180617_061642_201Now, we have all heard someone say something that was misguided, misinformed, incorrect, or could be considered foolishness or ignorant and NOT said a thing. We have all been guilty at not saying something when we should have. Most often we don’t say anything because we think it’s not our business, our spirit didn’t lead us to say anything, we knew we were being judgmental, or we were afraid of the person’s reaction.  All of these are good reasons when you’re not walking in love and wisdom. But when you are walking in love and not that ole’ fake kind of love where you “say” you love people but as soon as they are out of earshot you have something to say about them, or what they’ve said or done, or maybe you even run and tell someone else or post it on Facebook instead of talking to the person themselves. But when you truly ‘LOVE’ people you can’t help but want to help them or want better for them. When you are truly walking in wisdom you know that even if they aren’t directly related to you that they still reflect you in some way or another and them not having the best information possible could affect you later down the line.  Think it’s not true, then you’re misinformed. Everything we do or don’t do has an influence on everyone else on the planet. We are all connected.  If I don’t take care of my children and they hurt someone else and then that person hurts someone else or becomes effected by that person who my child originally hurt will later down the line come back and affect me in some way.  Another example, if I have information that could help someone else that doesn’t have that information their lack of knowledge in that area will affect me some way and most times it is in your taxes that you pay; welfare is one way it comes back to you but there are many other ways that you end up paying for someone else’s lack of knowledge if you are truly picking up what I am putting down.

So, to say it’s not your business isn’t accurate, it is. Now, for many of us who say “My spirit” or “The Spirit” didn’t lead me to say anything, that is not an excuse. You’re not going to always be ‘led’ by the Spirit otherwise you wouldn’t have to ‘do’ anything the ‘Spirit’ would just do it for you. Sometimes it is up to you to do the right thing without having to be ‘led’ to do it. We have to get out of that childish mentality and begin to grow up and no longer be led by the hand to say something or do something that we know needs to be done or said. Sometimes you are placed in a situation because you have the information to give to someone and if you don’t give it to them they will go without until they have to experience something that teaches them that knowledge and usually this is out of pain and suffering or later someone else will have to give it to them. But you don’t know if that someone else is you. Sometimes someone has to plant the seed, another comes to water it, and someone else may give it a little sun light so it can grow.  You may not feel it so, but it’s like having food and someone is hungry, and you decide not to feed them because it’s not your place or you weren’t ‘led’ to feed them. People are starving on this planet and I’m not talking physically, but mentally and spiritually and not giving them the necessary mental or spiritual nourishment or guidance that sometimes can only come from someone else is more of a reflection on you than it is on them. Have you ever asked yourself why you were the person with the information was privileged to hear the statement, especially if it seems coincidental because you didn’t even know the person. It was because you both were Divinely guided to the place that you both are on that date, day and time. Sometimes we are given situations especially after we say that we want to be placed in situations where we can help others.  Help comes in many forms and sometimes it’s information that gives the person who doesn’t have it the opportunity to get the help they need.

When we use the being led by the Spirit excuse it makes me wonder about the authenticity of our spirit. If you’re a Jesus lover and I use this because most people say that they love them some Jesus. And I’m not picking on anyone, I’m using this as an example. Even Jesus said that you will do greater works than he (John 14:12). What if Jesus who sat at the well to tell someone about themselves didn’t have the courage or said he wasn’t led by the Spirit to do it that day, or it wasn’t his business? (John 4:1-19) You can’t say “Well, he was Jesus”, and YOU who are greater by HIS standards.

Judgment is another reason we don’t say anything. It’s because we are totally judging that person and our intentions are foul and unloving. It goes back to loving people and wanting the best for them. When you love them, all people, you give them the information but when you are judging them you go back and tell everyone else the information that they should’ve gotten and mock or make fun of them because they don’t know it and call it ‘sharing’ wisdom with others. We have to choose to love every time. And remember love doesn’t stand in judgement. (Please know I can say all of this because I have done all of this myself and I know what it is. I know what it looks like, feels like and smells like because I have said all of these things and used them all as excuses to not be the one to say something.)

I too know what it’s like to be afraid to share truth with someone; lacking the courage and saying that I wasn’t led because I was unsure of their response. Are they going to come out of a bag on me or are they going to receive what it is that I’m saying. It can be scary but what’s even more scary is that person continues to say, think, or believe that what they are saying is accurate because no one cared enough to give them more information is scarier. Earlier I spoke about two things; love and wisdom. Wisdom is having all the information, knowledge and experience and using it. Love allows you to use that wisdom and share it with others so that they don’t have to go through some of the pain and suffering that you had to go through to experience and learn it. When we come from a place of love people can feel that. Most often when you lovingly share information with someone else they can hear you but when you’re coming from a place of judgment and uncertainty of whether you should say something or not they can feel that too and will not hear anything that you are saying.  We cannot truly say that we are wise until using that wisdom we have begun to share it with others effectively because wisdom is effective, shrewd, and profound. It knows the right words to use to gain someone’s attention. It knows where they are coming from, where they are heading, and how to help them on to a different path if necessary. It does not come from a place of empty vain words or ego. It shares with love because it knows that love is the purest place to share from. It is the only place that one can truly be heard from.

Now, I’m not saying that someone may not come out of a bag on you because their frequency is low that they can’t even hear you but even if they do you know that in wisdom you have given them the information. Whether they come out of a bag or not you have given them more information that they can now make better and more informed choices and decisions with. It is up to them to use it or not.



Let The Dead Bury The Dead

Okay, so if you follow me on Facebook you know that I post quite a bit of questions, “be mindful” quotes, inspirational flyers and posts to inspire thought. Recently I posted “Let the dead bury the dead”. This was actually posted after I was thinking about Easter and the concept of, traditionalized, and ritualistic events that we partake of during this season.  I wondered if “Jesus” would rather us focus on going within and finding our purpose and what we came to do rather than celebrating his death and resurrection. I wondered if he thought we were too focused on dead things. Dead rituals, dead traditions, dead relationships, and that only the dead could continue to bury the dead year after year, generation after generation. At what point do we begin to do something different realizing the state of the dead walking. And then I started thinking about the concept of Jesus…anyway, my thoughts can sometimes go deeper so rather than posting all of that I just posted “let the dead bury the dead” wondering what others would think of that statement. After posting it I had a family member reply with a bit of concern. I’m laughing at it now because I can see how some could be concerned if their perception of me was depressive. Well, I stated that I was okay and basically that the post was about perception. But this actually got me to thinking after it was said that I’ve given the perception that I was serious. It is no perception at all, I am serious. I’ve always been that way. Don’t get me wrong, that is not the total sum of who I am, but I have always had a serious nature. To really love me you have to know me and not the perception of who you believe me to be.

Many of us say “you don’t know me” and it’s just a thing that is said to another when questioned about an act or deed when something out of the norm was done. But I realized that no one outside of my partner and God really knows me. I believe that my life’s purpose is to be a change, or transformations agent if you will, and my higher self has sown the seeds within my platform of self-love, self-growth, and self-development. A lot of my posts on social media has been about others and what they think, encouraging and empowering them. As a person with a Scorpionic nature I could be called secretive but that’s not who I am really. I share much of me through my writing but those things that are deep I have reserved for the space that call for them. Which normally means for those who too enjoy the more deep, thoughtful conversations and have a need for me to share them. My apple cart would be to have more of these type conversations as this is where I feel most at home.

In my life, I have been the person that people come tell their deepest secrets to. I’m not kidding either, I have people walk up to me in stores or wherever and just start talking to me and telling me intimate things about them. For many I have been the person that has been an ear, the secret keeper, a voice of reason, or given to wisdom. But during this time, no one has really asked me outside of my partner, about me. What do I like, what do I think, what do I need, what do I feel? That is my role within this universe, what I agreed to before I came here and I don’t take it lightly, nor do I bitch and moan about it because that is why I am here; but I believe that I do begin to wonder when people assume that I am one way or given to a perception that I am another way because they never asked.

I then began to think about the relationships that I have with people who are family members and those that would call me friend, I realized that even if they are associated with me by blood, some sort of friendship, or business relationship that they don’t really know me at all. They’ve felt close to me because I have encouraged, supported, filled a void or space in their lives but there has not been much reciprocation. For my family members, they know me from whatever age we last had interaction and for most people that’s who you still are.  I’ve walked a lone path for much of my life. Not lonely or alone, just lone. I am not uncomfortable with this part of me. It has been who I have been for most of my life. It was who I was groomed to be. It was who I circumstantially was destined to be, this is my assignment and I am okay with it. So, not for myself but for others to see, I did a post that said I would give a $100 to the person who could answer all six questions, only because I knew no one could. I wanted to dissolve a perception that I believe people have of me. And these were they:

  1. Why did I change my name to Kai?
  2. What makes me laugh?
  3. What makes me cry?
  4. What is my favorite day of the week?
  5. What has the last 5 years been like for me?
  6. What am I most proud of?



Now or Later

Jesus is not free

being a follower

lends you some


that seems sometimes

worth it

but because of the pain

it costs

and where it leads

you later

And you just have to

decide which is more


you want it now

or later

what if now

wasn’t even close

to later

What if you would’ve just held on

and there was more

Abandoned Property~Excerpt from Jay Winters

Abandoned Property coming 2013I was seventeen when I came out to my grandma one sunday,  right before Church.

“Grandma, I don’t want to go to church today.”

“Baby, what did I tell you before?” Not waiting for an answer because she said it almost every Sunday for the past six months. “Everyone who lives in grandma’s house goes to church.”

“Grandma, I’ve got to tell you something.”

“What baby?”

“You know how I like to wear boy’s clothes?”

“Yeah baby, grandma knows you’re a tomboy. Some little girls start off that way but you’ll grow up to be a beautiful woman and let go of that tomboyish phase. I know it baby, cause grandma’s been praying about it.”

“Ahhh…No Grandma, I won’t.”

“What do you mean child?”

“Grandma I’m a lesbian. I like girls.”

“Not in my house you don’t. What you’re about to do young lady, is go upstairs put your dress and shoes on so we can go to church.”

I did what my grandma said but I knew that this would be my last day in church.

Half an hour later we were walking up to the church after saying nothing to each other the three block trip. The pastor for some reason began preaching on homosexuality and how it was a sin. I mumbled under my breathe while shaking my head, “here we go.”  My grandma pinched the skin under my arm.  If she wasn’t my grandma and I didn’t respect her like I did I would pinch her old ass back. After church she drags me by the hand to the preacher while he was saying Goodbye to Sister Johnson.

“Pastor Watkins can I have a moment of your time please sir?” Sister Johnson slowly walks around like she is looking for something. Her nosey butt is always in somebody’s business.

“Yes Sister Winters, you sure can.”

I began rolling my eyes because I knew where this was going. “Pastor, this morning my grandbaby told me that she’s a lesbian.” The Pastors eyes went wide and so did Sister Johnson’s. My grandma acted like she didn’t care who else was standing around. I did. These people don’t need to know my business. I only told her cause I thought she should know. The pastor says “I knew this was coming. I saw your grandbaby’s demeanor these past few months. How she’s been dressing when she comes to bible study and to choir rehearsals. Hold on Sister Winters, we’re going to pray for Jayla. Let me call my wife and some of the other sisters over so we can all be in agreement.”

“I’ll pray with you.” Sister Johnson says stepping from behind the pew that she was acting like she was looking for something on.

“I’m seventeen years old now and I think I should have a say if I want someone to pray over me or not.”My grandma pinched me again. “Grandma, please stop doing that” I wanted to yell but I didn’t cause she would’ve probably knocked me into the middle of next week. Meanwhile Pastor Watkins called over his wife and some of the other sisters.  “Look, I don’t mind you all having your own opinion about me but what I don’t want is yall standing over me trying to pray for something that I don’t think is a sin.”

“Baby, the Bible speaks on it and it is a sin.” One of the sisters dressed in pink and white looking like she was wearing her daughter’s dress said while Sister Mosley who I knew was the pastor’s side piece began speaking in tongues.

“Look Sister Mosley, I believe you’re worried about the wrong thing.” I gave her this knowing look.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about little girl. Who you are is an abomination to the Lord. You don’t even deserve to breathe the same air we breathe.” I couldn’t believe what this woman just said to me. My grandma said nothing. She just let this woman talk to me like I was shit on somebody’s shoe. The pastor grabbed my hands and told everyone to get into a circle around me. I was disgusted by what these people were doing. These people who weren’t perfect were trying to pray who I was away while having their own issues. I yanked my hands away from the pastor and said “Okay, so Jesus was on the planet for thirty-three years right? And of those thirty-three years he preached for three right? You all do agree so far right?” they all shook their heads in unison. “Well, I believe that he knew all that was going to happen to him and that he had a small window in which to work with. If homosexuality was so bad why didn’t he heal people from homosexuality? Why didn’t he talk about it? I mean everything he said in the New Testament was in red right? I think yall Christians want to believe you know the Lord more than anyone else so you take the views that you believe and place them like shackles on the feet of those who don’t know any better. Don’t you think that if Jesus thought it was so important that he would’ve said a parable or something about it? I mean we black people love us some Jesus, me included, but if it was that important don’t you think he would’ve said something?”  They all looked at me like I was crazy just like the Pharisees did Jesus when he had healed the man with blindness on the wrong day.~Jay Winters, Abandoned Property  ©

Shouldn’t We Have To Do Something?

I was listening to the Tom Joyner morning show one day this week while I was on my way to a Doctor’s appointment.  On the show they were talking about Kirk Franklin being worth $8.5 Million and of course as comedians do they began talking about his height and kind of going in hard on him. Sybil Wilkes then says “So yall not going to even try to go to Heaven?” I laughed so hard but that one sentence has stuck with me all week. It really made me think about how we don’t really think about Heaven or anything about the afterlife. Well, most people don’t. If we were in constant thought about where we wanted to end up when our time is up on this earth, we’d do a lot of things differently. The only people who should just be going about life without a conscious thought are those who do not believe in Heaven or Hell but for those of us who do “Are we really trying to go to Heaven?” I know that Jesus died for our sins but does that really give us a pass? Should we just be allowed to laugh and talk about people behind their backs, lie, cheat, steal, and all those things that the Ten Commandments say that we should not do. Just because we believe in the Creator and we may say that we are saved, even though Jesus took that responsibility on his shoulders should we just be allowed to go on like its okay? Shouldn’t we have to do something? I mean, I was always taught that you respect things more if you have to work for it, give some sort of sacrifice or something.  Well, as I do most times, I go to a place of deep thought, what do you think?

Click on the link below to see the response to the show earlier in the week… (LOL)

Kirk Franklin Threatens To “Bust A Holy Cap” On Tom Joyner Show