Reflection (2017) Part 2


2017 was like that mother that beat you into submission, but then sat you down to explain ‘why’. Once you understood why it was whipping you into shape, you knew that it wanted you to climb higher into your next level of consciousness.

It was the year that demanded you learn. Learn more about yourself and the world around you. This past year taught me many lessons that I am proud and blessed to have endured, been challenged by, and brought through. It gives me deep satisfaction to say that 2017 gave me pivotal points in my life, and acted as healing in some areas and made me keenly aware of others that needed fixing and or changing. I think the major thing it taught me was that I had assigned tasks to myself that were never my responsibility.

In some spaces I had to forgive myself for not knowing the value of my resources, time and energy. I had to lay hold to forgiveness of myself for sacrificing my worth for some people who didn’t know their own. I had charged some clients the bare minimum in order to obtain their business and had to pay for some of their services out of my own pocket. I took the time to forgive myself for working in collaborative situations where I did 90-95% of the work. Also, I forgave myself for working with clients who weren’t ready for the next level where I or someone on my team had to drag them along kicking, screaming or complaining about why they had to do the work in the first place, or why they had to pay for it, and sometimes doing the work for them. I learned that I had said “You be the gift and let us do the work” too many times. I learned that before you judge someone else, you had to look at yourself first to see if you do the same thing, something similar, or are responsible for why it’s happening.

2017 made me realize just how many tools and resources that we had been given to help us navigate our existence in this world.  Some of or either all of the resources that we were given throughout time many of us have denied ourselves access to because of old wives’ tales, myths, religious, or familial beliefs. Some of these beliefs go back so far that the reason is no longer valid or never was, but we still hold those reasons to be truths in our daily practice still today. Looking back, I realize ignorance and inexperience played a major part. Not that many of us wanted to be ignorant but for most of us it was our upbringing where we were always told how and what to think and that we shouldn’t question things. So, for most of our lives we walk blindly and do as we were told.

Now, as some of us are awakening, we find the reasons no longer valid and that the “Why” is not more important than the “how”. How do we begin to move forward in the newness of our day-to-day? How do we take those lessons we’ve learned and start to utilize some of the tools and resources that we now find that we have?

At the moment we contemplate the tools and resources that we find that we have, we recognize that they are more like inclusive road maps that we have been given access to. I use the term “inclusive” because many of them come from the inside. The tools we have gives us the ability to read the maps, the resources help us to take the journey within the map. The lessons keep us on the right roads on the map. I start to see that we are the map. The thoughts or mindset our tools. The resources our bodies which make manifested actions from our thoughts or mindset as well as those that help us to manifest the experiences on our journey.

The one thing 2017 made clear for me was to seek knowledge. That knowledge expanded our thoughts and mindset. And that knowledge proved itself one thing over time, and that there is nothing new under the sun and some of our teachers of this knowledge have been life bringers, some guides, some healers, some gurus, some mystics, some prophets, some messengers, and such but we’ve refused to obtain much of this knowledge mostly because of their source. We don’t realize that we all come from ‘the’ Source and have been the source. I don’t think we come to understand that each of us are the Source; a form of it anyway. Every single one of us holds a part of the Source within us, the Source is expressed through us and we all play a part of one another’s existence making us REsources. Knowledge comes from Source and reaches us through other sources to complete the knowledge of Source.

It’s like being lost and handed a map, a GPS locator, some rope, a hammer, or whatever and not using it because it came from Walmart or CVS and not Macy’s or Nordstroms. My hopes, prayers, and meditations are upon us utilizing ALL of our tools, resources, sources and the Source to move into our higher selves as a universal collective.

As with any thing expressed or experienced, I pray for many things going into 2018.  But mostly, I pray that my children are aware of the knowledge within and that they go to Source and when Source sends to them other sources that they utilize that resource. I pray that they are better people and parents than I was. I pray that the things that I learned in life have been a resource to them and that I shared enough with them to the extent that they may not have to experience any of those things; but if they do, I pray that they know exactly what to do. I hope that the example that I currently set for them makes them want to expand their level of consciousness every day and that they let nothing stop them from achieving all that they came here to do. I pray that my suns know that they are KINGS even when they aren’t acting KINGLY. I pray that they know they are loved without conditions and that I know them to be GREAT even when they are not.  I pray that they know that their actions do not define them. I pray that my suns know that no matter who they are that I will always love them. I pray that they know that Source loves them more than I ever could. I pray that when they fall they know how to get up. I pray that as the going gets tough that they know that they are tougher.  I pray that every day that they wake that they’ll try again.

This is what 2017 taught me, gave me, healed me from and allowed me to experience. Now, let’s move into 2018 with gratitude and gratefulness!

 

 

 

 

 

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This year, the Kai Mann blog will post every 1st and 3rd Monday of the month.  Stay tuned, I’ve got some amazing experiences, thoughts, and ideas that I want to share with you. If you like what you read, do me the honor of sharing it with anyone that you believe that it will resonate with. You can also check out the Kaiology Mann YouTube channel for videos and please do subscribe. I appreciate you and stand with you in the building of your 2018. Let’s get it!

 

 

2017 A Year Of Reconciliation


When it is time to be alone everyone you know will disappear. Not in the definition of vanishing and that you are unsure of where they are, or that you yourself didn’t have something to do with their disappearance but it will happen because it is time.  When it is time for you to take in account for the life that you have created you must reconcile the balances of deposits and withdrawals you have taken or given. There is a Divine space of Contemplation of what is, what was, and how it all has affected you, and the people who have walked in the same spaces with you. 2017 has been that year for me, a year of reconciliation. A year to reconcile or balance the accounts and transactions that I have made throughout the years.

The first step was reconciling the discrepancies and over 49 years there have been many. You see, when you reconcile a discrepancy it begins with the date a transaction was done. This relates to the stories we have told ourselves since the transactions, to account for and balance them. We may have reconciled it since that date with ourselves but if there was anyone else involved it must also be reconciled with them as well. When this happens the story usually changes because listening you now hear it from their perspective and can garner a full picture. This picture usually changes from what your limited vision has been to seeing a picture in its entirety. A 360 view. Now, seeing everything, you must come to grips with what you will do with the picture you now see.

As 2017 progressed I’ve been going over my life piece by piece. Dealing with one thing at a time; myself, my children, my family, my relationships, and friendships. What I feel as each part of my life has been called to be reconciled I’ve learned that I’ve walked in a space of what borders on selfishness and abandonment depending on the side of the road that I am walking and on what day. No matter the time or day, it is surely the time to be reconciled with all my past actions. The scales of life are now balanced, and the time of judgement is now due. This judgement I exact upon myself as the consequences of life bears down on me.  It bears down not in a fit of angry rage but of truth, and genuine conversations and thought. No malice or ill-will intended, the bearing down comes from wanting to feel lighter as I move into this next phase of life and try to understand the breadth of what is weighing me down. And without hesitation or apprehension I resist not the bearing down as I have demanded of my higher self to know and understand more, and this bearing down comes as a result of what has transpired.

The time has come for me to see with full vision how the other half has lived. While being in a state of what was deemed as “Saving myself” so that I could still be here to enjoy life with each of my pieces I believe that I detoured which left some to fend for themselves. As each piece would come to full view there became an overwhelming state of shame and guilt as I could see some of the devastation that was left behind. Although normal to feel guilt and shame, I knew too that in order to move forward it too was okay to let those feelings go, but not before apologizing for the past hurt, or what could have felt like betrayal, or disloyalty on my part.

It’s tough to stand at full attention, dropping ego to the floor, and at times your own feelings so that you can hold on to the weight of their feelings, and emotions while hearing their and your story from the place where they stood. What felt like unconditional love to me was that there has never been any judgement of me, to me, from their lips. Just stories of what happened on their journeys. They never held me in contempt or condemnation, never yelled, or spoke in a condescending tone: They just told me the story. I thank God for that because I didn’t want to be made to feel worse by them or by me for that matter. Sometimes when we make it about us we demand that they make us feel guilty, or more guilt so that we can bear the weight of what happened. There is little time nor energy for that. We have all been through something but the realization of it all is to continue to learn from, grow, and evolve those stories to make new and better ones. I cannot thank them enough for their handling of me in my mishandling of them.

As I continue to allow myself to be opened however it comes, I don’t feel gutted, but I can speak with honesty and saying that sometimes as I see me at some stages of life, I don’t like me.  I don’t like the me that left in the manner in which I did. I don’t like the me that detoured from the spontaneity of life and checked out on the people that mattered. I know that I didn’t do it on purpose, and I know that I did it with limited knowledge, sight, and vision but I do wish that I had done it differently. But even so, when I think about that statement I know that if I had, I wouldn’t be the same person that I am now, having the same experiences that I am now and who’s to say that they would’ve been better or worse. This is life. The one that I chose, and I believe that I have the capacity to live it and that is what I am going to do. So, I continue to allow self to be opened, taught, displayed, grown, evolved, and ultimately transfigured because one thing that I am sure of is that this ‘is’ what I put here to do.

 

 

 

 

Healing From The Past -Part 2


Dealing and Healing
They say that in order to heal you first have to deal so I took a look at the cards I had dealt myself over the past 20 years and honestly, I saw some things that I didn’t like. Although this began 20 years ago I still had to look at those experiences because they were effecting my now and the infinite possibilities of my future.  The best part about this is that even though I had lots of time alone, I wasn’t really alone. On the road to dealing there was a beautiful spirit that was by my side to help me navigate the terrain I was embarking upon. And without judgment she offered me a beautiful space to rest from my weary travels and to unpack all the bags I had been carrying. This has been the most candid that I have been with myself and with someone else. From the beginning she and I would vow to do something different in the relationship that we hadn’t done in others which was to be honest, and to tell each other everything. So we did, and when I did she would go in deep asking tough questions that at times I wasn’t even sure I had answers to.  Patiently she would wait while I went back to that time to enlist thoughts I might’ve been thinking bringing out some truths that were difficult to chew on let alone swallow.  However, she offered me bite sizes while providing me with love and support and encouraging me when I needed it most. When she or I were sharing our truths the thought of the one leaving the other because of it never crossed our minds. We knew what we wanted to build and we knew that it would take everything we had and neither of us was willing to settle for anything less than our best and we would do whatever we had to do to have it. After hearing my truth she asked questions like “Do you know why you would date someone who had children after your decision to leave yours behind?” assisting me in assessing some of the reasons as to why I made some of the decisions in relationships that I had made. “Do you believe that you were trying to recreate the family you once had or the one you wanted to have?” I would need rest after some of our talks because I would be so tired from digging so deep for hours that I would immediately go to sleep after hanging up the phone. We’d do this for almost two years meanwhile I would pray that I offered her the same amount of attention, love, and support in her growth and evolution that she allowed me.  And, in conversation she would tell me that I did.
This relationship was a true compliment to me in every area of my life so much so that I grew in areas that I didn’t even know I needed to grow in and my businesses took off because of it.  We would talk through schisms that we would have which in the beginning was difficult for me to do.  I never realized my lack of maturity in relationships and how my communication skills lacked and had to ultimately be taken to another level. She was no nonsense about our relationship and was not allowing us to sweep things under the rug or skip over any issue. She taught me to deal with them as they came so they would not affect us down the road.  Everything that I thought I knew about relationships was challenged; my relationship with myself, with my children, and with my partner. I felt like I was in the military (in basic training), everything that I thought I knew about myself seemed to be old news and had to be discarded. I was being deprogrammed from outdated thinking, reduced to a blank canvas, and all the new information that was left offered a foundation in which to build upon.
We have no idea how much the Universe conspires to help us. The Creator always sends you what you are ready for but often we don’t even know what we’re ready for especially when it looks like work. I had been sending out an S.O.S. for years and finally my ship came in and I was ready to board. While it was right in front of me of course I couldn’t just walk on I had to clean up some stuff, I had to reduce the baggage in my life once again, and I had to understand where it was that I had been so that I would have a clear vision for where it was that I was going. You see, you can get on any ship any day and go any where but to be aligned with the right ship at the right time is at its best a miracle and I believe that the Creator had done that in my life, performed a miracle.