Healing From The Past


I heard it so clear ” You’re not going to be able to move forward and help others until you first are able to help yourself.”
The reason I host a transformational internet talk show is because I too am transforming. I am in a perpetual state of transformation and this dimension of transformation has been the most difficult. Even still, I believe that I have finally found that one piece (peace) that will take me to the other side. Finally.
I have three suns that are now grown men that I did not raise. Not in the traditional sense. During their childhood we spent every Christmas, New Years, and a couple weeks during the summer together every year for ten years. This part of my transitioning into the next dimension has been the most difficult because as I have been dealing with certain things in my life this part has been the most eye-opening, hurtful, shameful, and even guilt ridden.  Although my children and I each have great relationships, and they have never judged me for leaving them with their father or not being there 24/7 it is I who have dealt with life the most internally regarding this decision.  Their love for me have never waned and the older they get we seem to get closer.
Two years ago I made a decision to let go of a Nine year relationship because I felt I was not growing. I felt in some way stuck and not because my partner at the time made me feel that way but because I understood that we were going in different directions and the relationship itself was not growing. Leaving this relationship allowed me to spend quite a bit of time alone. Something I hadn’t done since 2005 after being run over by a car. This time alone afforded me the time to once again look at myself; up close and personal and do some inside work.
Eight months into my alone time and working on myself my youngest came to live with me to get himself together.  I felt like this was a second opportunity to get to know each other more and to deal with some things from our past so again, I was willing to do the work.  The fun quickly dissipated as this was a daunting task, more than I had imagined but too there were loving spaces for us to enjoy as well. But I  had to admit  that again,I found myself in a tough space trying to heal with someone who is now grown.  For  fourteen months we lived together trying to coexist in a world we both were new to at different points in our lives. This best thing was that neither of us held any resentment of the other even though we were getting on each others nerves at times and we loved each other more than we got on each others nerves. We were learning, growing, and letting go of parts of ourselves that were no longer needed or effective in order to have a more functional relationship. During the times we talked I would find myself learning just how much I had missed out of his and his brothers lives. I felt guilty at best even though he wasn’t telling me so that I could, he would just tell me stories of things that he had lived, and I myself saw what he had endured because I was not there.
My sun moved out recently and we are at a great place. Even though some of it was tough it was one of the best experiences that I’ve had. It was so necessary for the growth of us both and helped us to be able to move forward in our purpose.  Not long ago his father came to town for a funeral and of course he stopped by to see my son, and then they both came to see me.  My ex-husband and I have always remained friends over the years as divorced mothers and fathers should in order to co-parent children. We also check in with one another from time to time as well. We all sat in my living room laughing talking about all of my suns, their lives, and what we’ve experienced. As I sat, listened, and watched the two of them together I realized two things; one I had made the right decision to leave them with their father because of their relationship; but the second was a little heartbreaking as I came to an even further conclusion of how much I had really missed out on my boys lives.  That night I would be happy and sad at the same time.  When they left my heart was a little heavy. It wasn’t heavy because I thought that I should’ve stayed in the relationship with their father but because I felt that maybe I should’ve stayed closer to them so that I did not miss them growing up, football games, and many firsts.
I allowed myself to feel these emotions and think about what could’ve been if I had not moved to a different state and remained physically closer to my children. I cried a little at the things that I had missed, time that was lost, and then asked myself questions, waited for the answers and listened to myself as I spoke. I knew it was necessary for me not to run from the answers and the things that I had done but to gain an understanding of what has happened, why, and how to move on and heal from them.
I have since reconciled my feeling with regards to that night, and our past. I believe that things happen for many different reasons and we should not relive them over and over but to work through them so that we can have a better future.
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Mahogany Jones- Conversations With Kai Mann


Join us on the couch for a fun but powerful conversation with performance and recording artist Mahogany Jones. Mahogany, also an arts educator and activist shares her journey through hip hop, being a woman in hip hop, and her dynamic life. Watch the show Wednesdays at 7pm EST.

Visit http://www.watchthelivenetwork.com.

Mahogany Jones http://mahoganyjones.com

Facebook: @mahoganyjones

Instagram: @mahoganyjonz

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Twitter: @kaiology

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Facebook: @kai.mann

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Twitter: @converskaimann

Facebook: @conversationswithkaimann

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elevationnationmedia.com

Executive Producer: Kai Mann

Producer: Lenderrick Jones

Creative Director: Yahminah McIntosh

Music: Sunny Day [audioblocks] audioblocks.com

Letting Go


I’ve had my truck for 5 years. This last year was tough but the last 6 months was even tougher. My goal was to pay off my truck and wait at least six months before I purchased a new vehicle. I wanted to invest more money into my myself and my businesses but as life would have it, it would not turn out that way. I tried everything to keep her alive. I gave her a brand new start, an alternative life, cell replacement, gave her a brake, and even helped her stay warm when her thermometer went out. She had unusual sized feet and needed special shoes that weren’t carried in every tire store and would cost almost $150 each for the least expensive shoe. She was dying and I knew it but I tried to hold on at every cost to revive her.

Have you ever tried to hold on to something that you knew that you should let go of but you think that you can revive it, or make it better? I have on many occasions. Sometimes trying to hold on to things you make it worse. If I would’ve just traded my truck in when I saw that it was dying instead of spending all of that money to keep her alive I’d have more money in my bank account and could of possibly been further along in my endeavors. You would think that by now that I would know exactly when to let go, start over, or keep moving; but it has been a lesson that I’ve had to learn quite a few times. These past couple of years I’ve had to let go of a lot of things and people. It has all been to my betterment but it wasn’t easy at all. Today, I am happy and living my best life but I anticipate the next thing that I’ll have to let go of. What about you? How good are you about letting things go?

#lettinggo #lifehack #growthmindset #growth #selflove #selfequity #selfexpression #selfworth#selfinvestment #business #entrepreneur #businessman #businesswoman #womeninbusiness

Music: {audioblocks.com} The Big Hip Hop Guy

Who Taught You How To Love


love
[ləv]

NOUN
an intense feeling of deep affection:
used to express affectionate approval for someone:
VERB
feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone):

I’ve been thinking a lot about love these days and have been talking to a few people about it as well.
I hear or even read that many women and men complain about the treatment of, lack of attention, or the way in which someone “loves” them and I think to myself often “no one probably taught them how to love”. Many of us don’t know the ins and outs about love; how to cultivate, nurture, and create a safe space for it to grow. Unless your parents taught you, you probably taught yourself by guaging what someone else did. When I started looking at my own life I realized that if I had to look at all of the relationships I’ve seen over my lifetime and use them as a concept for how to love I’d fail, as I had previously done at love many times before. For many of us, no one has sat us down to teach us about love, how to love, and even what it means to love. Or what’s the most effective communications in love. Often, we just like someone, chase after them and fall what we consider “in love” with them. But, what does that really mean. How do we begin to know how to treat them, how to love them, and the most effective way to communicate with them? Many of us were taught by others who knew nothing about love and most of it was quite wrong. LOL…but what I want to know is, who taught you how to love and are you effective at it?

#love #selflove #relationships #couples #marriage #single #inlove #men #women #selftaught

Before You Burn That Bridge


I’ve been thinking a lot about the truth and being courageously authentic. And, how it is so easy to walk away from the story because it’s the part that you don’t like that’s coming up. You see I had this thing I used to do when watching movies when I could tell that someone was about to get caught doing something that wasn’t necessarily wrong, but maybe you could see that they were about to walk into a trap that you believe that they should’ve inevitably seen and done something different. Normally I would stop watching, or fast forward but I’ve been in deep contemplation about how everything can be going so well in your life and then you are challenged to do something that you know will change the trajectory of your life, almost like a sharp turn to the left in the middle of going right with no warning.
It’s funny how when there is a part of your life or journey that needs to be shared or told that you hesitate to do it. Even when you know that it is essential to the journey because of the great possibility for healing; you, them, or someone else. But you know you are obligated to do it, so you do. You run back across that bridge for the last time to get that story that demands to be told because of the requirement for passage back across so that you can go to the next dimension but not before the Universe gives the authorization to burn that bridge in hopes of you never crossing it again and it never being able to hurt you again either.

#burningbridges #stories #growthmindset#selflove #selfgrowth #evolution#revelation

Time Sensitive Goals, Dreams, and Purpose


time-sensitive

adj
1. (Chemistry) physically changing as time passes
2. only relevant or applicable for a short period of time

My belief is that my purpose is time sensitive such as everyone’s is. All of us only get a certain amount of time on the earth to do what it is that we have been sent here to do. For me, about 20 years ago I had the opportunity to explore, live life from a different perspective, gain insight & knowledge, suffer, and even sacrifice. That period is now over and the time now is to “Get to WORK”. From a Divine mindset the purpose in which we have been given has always been sensitive to time, but the time prior to “Go time” is known as a time of spiritual, physical, and mental maturation and preparation. A time to gain knowledge of the purpose and what strengths and tools we have been given in order to manifest that purpose. Some of us have been allotted more time to be still and listen as others have been appointed less. That time frame is based upon assignment and individual capacity. 20 years seems like a long time but in that time wisdom was being stored from all aspects as well as time given in to presupposed distractions, an unwillingness to learn from certain lessons, and a repeat of circumstances because of all of it. At this stage of life I understand the need to be severely focused, to keep moving, and to not hold on to the fear of what others think. Even in the event of mistakes, the intent is to learn from them, use them as necessary, and continue to grow.

The other day I watched the #HBO series “The Defiant Ones” and felt a sense of confirmation when I heard #jimmyiovine say “That’s why those horses have blinders on. And that’s what people should have when you’re running after something, you should not look left or right, what does this person think, what does that person think, NO, GO!”

How about you, do you think life is time-sensitive?

#life
#lifepreparation
#timesensitive
#goals
#purpose
#dreams
#growthmindset
#spiritualmaturation
#mentalpreparation

One Day The Universe Will Offer You A New Path


“There will come a day when the Universe will offer you a new path. An uncharted land to explore, where no maps have ever gone before. One day, the Universe will gently place you in a space that you will not find the familiarity of comfort. A place that takes you to the edge of yourself, escorting you to the point of yet becoming another. One day you will be encouraged with a gentle nudge where no words will utter “come this way” but the opening, and warmth of yielding to something new deeply shifts your spirit to the unconventional. A place where tradition has no authority, and visceral reflection freely contemplates the very heart and mind of God. One day, you will either answer “yes” with forward motion into something so profoundly new or walk away in fear from labored truths, honesty, and authenticity full of light, life, and love. What will be your answer today, will you step forward or move back?” — Kai Mann

20 Year Anniversary In the D


This month marks my twenty year anniversary living in “The D”. I remember 20 years ago when I moved here in July we were still wearing jackets and I thought “Will they ever have a summer?” Two days after I got here there were 13 tornadoes that hit Detroit some near the 8-mile area where I was two miles away from and across the northwest area of Detroit. I remember the people that I had met during this time asking me if I had brought this weather with me. Storms I was used to being from Florida, but not the cool weather that came with it. Detroit was a bit of a culture shock for me. I had moved from Fort Myers, Florida to Chicago, and then moved here to Detroit where the African American population is predominate. I laugh now because I truly did not know what to think, I had a sea of emotions when I got here as well as learning how to drive in the mountainous snow that fell the following winter. When I look back on my 20 years here it has been an experience of true growth and evolution. Thank you Detroit for having me, keeping me, and loving me….it has been real!

#Detroit
#Michigan
#snow
#tornadoes
#anniversary
#citylife
#africanamerican
#summer
#winter
#weather
#growth
#evolution
#ilovethed
#livinginthed
#livingoutloudinthed

#selfcare is NOT Narcissism


#selfcare is NOT narcissism
For years now we have suggested that people put ‘their’ oxygen masks on ‘first’ and now there seems to be rhetoric that says because they are, that they are being selfish or narcissistic. The suggestion to take care of yourself first gets a bad rap when we begin to do so in the sense that it says “no” to someone else; or we don’t like what the art of taking care of self looks like from our vantage point. We can’t pick and choose how we want people to take care of themselves because it looks insensitive to us because them being in a healthy state of mind might leave us behind, or they need time to themselves for an uncertain amount of time. The person who is taking care of self knows what that looks and feels like to them and because we love them we have to allow them to balance themselves in the best way that they know how.

We have so many people doing the opposite of taking care of themselves to the point of self deprecation and deprivation that it is leaving them in a void. Some of us become co-dependents to the state of martyrdom because it makes us look saintly but underneath we are miserable. When we deplete ourselves because we have chosen to put others before ourselves over and over again in a way that is unhealthy it places emotional stress and tension on us that can present itself through mental and physical health issues. We have to balance out our energies in a way that replenishes us so that we are able to give to those we love and care for in ways that allow us to give of ourselves in the best light possible.

How do you #selfcare

#putyouroxygenmaskonfirst
#selfish
#selflove
#narcissism
#narcissistic
#selfgrowth

The ‘New’ Conversations With Kai Mann Show


Join us on August 2nd at 7pm EST for the “New” Conversations With Kai Mann show. The second season is going to be totally different from the first season. It will have a more intimate look, feel and vibe. We’ll be speaking with more amazingly phenomenal people of this human diaspora, as well as people from all over the world. We’ve created a new studio to give us a more consistent look but also this season we have added a visual podcast to the show. Stop by every Wednesday at 7pm EST starting, August 2nd and we’ll have a new guest either on the couch or by podcast. We look forward to having you!