Reset or Reboot


I like my privacy so much so that even though I work on the 4th floor I use the bathroom on the 3rd floor because there are less offices on that floor which means less people in the bathroom. (That’s just the precursor) Well, yesterday I walked down the stairs to the 3rd floor and down to the end of the hall to the restroom and handled my business. The next thing I knew I was opening the door inside the stairwell to the 4th floor only I wasn’t sure of where I was when I did. For about 2-3 seconds I was lost. I didn’t recognize the hallway and then I did. When I realized that I was now on the 4th floor about to enter the office to where I work, I walked in.

If any of you know me, you know that my mother suffered from alzheimers for over twenty years and had been diagnosed around the age of 53. I’m 49. Well anyway, of course that was the first thought that entered my puzzled mind as I opened the door to the office. My face must’ve been still puzzled when a co-worker asked me if I was okay. I told her what happened and she said I do that all of the time driving to work. I said “Yes, I’ve done it driving lots of times too” but I guess you can do it walking as well, it’s just that it has never happened to me before.” Even still, I chose to go with that instead of the alzheimers theory.

This morning when I got up I thought about the events that occurred the day before in between thoughts of other thoughts. Suddenly I became aware that my thoughts have been all over the place for a few months some finished and some unfinished; and that maybe yesterday’s event was a reset or reboot. I began to think about how many times we go through life on auto-pilot ending up somewhere we know but for some reason can’t recognize only because we have no clue of how we got there. Funny thing is, I’ve been in what I thought was a state of “mindfulness” trying to be mindful of all my intentions and forgetting to be mindful of the moment.

In my day to day any moment that I have in between work (theirs, mine, and the others) I try to stay on top of things and utilize every moment to do something else. The only problem with that is that I am not making time for myself. I’m bombarding myself with everything that I have to do while missing the moments to appreciate the things that I have done and where I am at now; physically, spiritually, and mentally. All I know is, I’ve got to do better. Yesterday’s wake up call leads me to believe that I need to harness the ‘Power of Now‘. I think this weekend I’ll take the time be still.

 

If you enjoy this blog please share with your readers or on your social media platform with your friends and family.  Thank you, I appreciate you always taking the time to read my work, listen to my thoughts, and support me from your corner of the world.

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De’Andrea Matthews- Conversations With Kai Mann


Graced with an abundance of gifts, Dr. De’ Andrea Matthews, without reservation, selflessly pours her heart into her work and into the lives of many in various capacities. Join us on the couch tonight for a conversation about diversity and inclusion. Watch the show Wednesdays at 7pm EST.

Visit http://www.watchthelivenetwork.com

Dr. Dee Website: https://about.me/DrDee#

Twitter: @DrDCMatthews Instagram: @drdcmatthews

Kai Mann kai-mann.com Twitter: @kaiology Instagram: @kaiology Facebook: @kai.mann Tumblr: @kaiology

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elevationnationmedia.com

Executive Producer: Kai Mann Producer: Lenderrick Jones Creative Director: Yahminah McIntosh

Music: Sunny Day [audioblocks] audioblocks.com

Candace Waterman- Conversations With Kai Mann


Candace is a nationally recognized and respected business and thought leader whose expertise spans multiple disciplines, including but not limited to innovative business strategy, business certification, procurement, technology, compliance, program operations, real estate law, medical facilities management, diversity and inclusion, varying industry trends, management best practices and mindfulness leadership. Candace is a purpose driven leader whose passion is fueled by the desire to assist others in living their best life, now. Her servant-leader approach and willingness to lead with vulnerability allows her inspire others to build meaningful connections while reaching and often surpassing their goals. She has served in many leadership roles, both in the for profit and non-profit arena where she has influenced and impacted the way business is done with diverse firms across the globe. A quintessential-renaissance woman, cancer survivor and student of life, many lessons have led her to a multi-tiered life approach of Strategic Leadership, Mindfulness Well-being and a Live Intentionally Lifestyle. Additionally, she has received many awards and recognition for her tireless work and being a leading business subject matter expert. She currently resides in the Washington, D.C. area enjoys reading, the culinary arts, sports and scuba diving. With a mission to break the glass ceiling of life, Candace Waterman is a creative and dynamic force to be reckoned with!

Kai Mann kai-mann.com

Twitter: @kaiology Instagram: @kaiology Facebook: @kai.mann Tumblr: @kaiology

Twitter: @converskaimann Facebook: @conversationswithkaimann Instagram: @conversationswithkaimann Tumblr: @conversationswithkaimann

elevationnationmedia.com

Executive Producer: Kai Mann Producer: Lenderrick Jones Creative Director: Yahminah McIntosh

Music: Sunny Day [audioblocks] audioblocks.com

Vanessa Lynn- Conversations With Kai Mann


Tonight we have one of the most honest and bold conversations of the season. Join us on the couch as we talk with writer, producer, visionary, and motivator Vanessa Lynn of the hit stage play “Unequally Yoked”. Watch Conversations With Kai Mann Wednesdays by visiting http://www.watchthelivenetwork.com at 7pm EST. Vanessa Lynn

http://vanessalynn.info

Facebook: @vanessalynn

Instagram: @vanesslynn1

Kai Mann kai-mann.com

Twitter: @kaiology

Instagram: @kaiology

Facebook: @kai.mann

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Twitter: @converskaimann

Facebook: @conversationswithkaimann

Instagram: @conversationswithkaimann Tumblr: @conversationswithkaimann

elevationnationmedia.com

Executive Producer: Kai Mann Producer: Lenderrick Jones Creative Director: Yahminah McIntosh

Music: Sunny Day [audioblocks] audioblocks.com

JoVonna Williams- Conversations With Kai Mann


JoVonna Williams, a mother of three children whose life took a drastic turn at the early age of 29 years old when she was diagnosed with a Rare Auto Immune Condition “Eosinophilic Myenteric Ganglionitis” after undergoing surgery at Cleveland Clinic. She is the Fourth Person in the world to be diagnosed with this condition. Due to the severity of her chronic disease her work career was cut short and she is now on full disability.

JoVonna learned a long time ago that everything that looks bad isn’t always the case. She is currently working on her first book where she will tell her story and share a Testimony that many people won’t understand.

Inspite of JoVonna’s condition she tries to focus her passion on encouraging and helping others. She believes that it is important to give others a since of hope especially when they feel that no one cares about them. Sometimes a kind word and a listening ear can go a long way so she shares and give light along the way to those who need it. She says that God has given her a Gift of Compassion and she uses it to change lives one smile at a time.

Watch the Conversations With Kai Mann show Wednesdays at 7pm EST. Log on to http://www.watchthelivenetwork.com.

 

Kai Mann
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Twitter: @kaiology
Instagram: @kaiology
Facebook: @kai.mann
Tumblr: @kaiology

Twitter: @converskaimann
Facebook: @conversationswithkaimann
Instagram: @conversationswithkaimann
Tumblr: @conversationswithkaimann

elevationnationmedia.com

Executive Producer: Kai Mann
Producer: Lenderrick Jones
Creative Director: Yahminah McIntosh

Music: Sunny Day [audioblocks] audioblocks.com

Don’t Forget to Stand Out


“Today, be mindful to stand out.”

Sometimes it may be difficult to stand out because of the light that shines on us. Sometimes that light shines so bright that it shows our flaws, imperfections, mistakes, and our failures. This can make it hard to stand up in our truth because of how feel about those things. When we begin to understand that sometimes our lives are the lessons for others to see we can understand the light and therefore not be afraid of it. #letyourlightshine

Healing From The Past- Part 3


As I move deeper into this journey my passion to seek a higher me has escalated to deepening and widening my search. I have been meditating more, reading the Bible as well as different books , listening to YouTube videos on the law of attraction (Abraham-Hicks), and watching Documentaries about spirituality. I am determined to find a way to tap more into the inner me so that I may begin to live from a point of abundance. This is my nature and has always been a part of my life in some way, shape, or form. I am a seeker of self, and always willing to go higher, but this time it’s different.

There are 4 more days until my birthday and usually during this season I am contemplative as a practice. But what I have come to understand is that this contemplative state that I have been pursuing has been going on now for about five years. The need to find a deeper meaning to who I am, my purpose and how to move into the next dimension of my life has me on a journey of miraculous growth and evolution. I’ve sat in thought and mulled over these past couple of years and asked myself “When do you think that you started this transition” only because I was thinking the process was taking too long. It is, but it is okay. You see, in past times I have been able to get the lessons quicker but now it takes more time than usual to get to the root of who I am, helping me to bring out the core. If I could soak my soul into the very lessons that I am learning and have it to become sheer manifestation I would but it will take more than that. If my intentions became like air that one breathes without thought I will have tamed and mastered the beast that is me.

I have come to believe that the lessons are different this time because this is not a transition or move from one level to the next, this feels as if I am moving from one dimension to the next. My emotions are fluctuating in as much as I feel like I’m winning one day and maybe feeling the uncertainty that can make you feel overwhelmed the next. Having feelings that can make one seem immature or even lost at times can break open your spirit. We think that we know ourselves but who we are changes, grows, and evolves as we move through different terrain. Never having gone this way before there seems to be no real GPS except to say, “Now go this way” at the exact point of the turn. Who I have believed myself to be has been challenged to the point of asking “Who am I now”.  Currently when I look in the mirror I see a different me spiritually, mentally, and physically. I’m not willing to turn back though. I find the courage with each step to keep moving forward feeling like I am walking in the wilderness. The forest is thick with barely enough light, but I know it is coming soon so I keep moving. I am determined to let go and shed my old self but honestly, the emotionality of it all is vast. Holding up mirrors to oneself and having the courage to not look away as you discover the truths to the past and your now experience makes you long for the future. However, I am learning to love the contrast that is before me even though at times it can be painful. Soul opening to be exact, but I recognize the reasons for its nature to insist that I evolve. Growing pains aint’ got nothing on this but I’d wouldn’t change any of it for I know when it is over I will be “new”.

 

 

Healing From The Past -Part 2


Dealing and Healing
They say that in order to heal you first have to deal so I took a look at the cards I had dealt myself over the past 20 years and honestly, I saw some things that I didn’t like. Although this began 20 years ago I still had to look at those experiences because they were effecting my now and the infinite possibilities of my future.  The best part about this is that even though I had lots of time alone, I wasn’t really alone. On the road to dealing there was a beautiful spirit that was by my side to help me navigate the terrain I was embarking upon. And without judgment she offered me a beautiful space to rest from my weary travels and to unpack all the bags I had been carrying. This has been the most candid that I have been with myself and with someone else. From the beginning she and I would vow to do something different in the relationship that we hadn’t done in others which was to be honest, and to tell each other everything. So we did, and when I did she would go in deep asking tough questions that at times I wasn’t even sure I had answers to.  Patiently she would wait while I went back to that time to enlist thoughts I might’ve been thinking bringing out some truths that were difficult to chew on let alone swallow.  However, she offered me bite sizes while providing me with love and support and encouraging me when I needed it most. When she or I were sharing our truths the thought of the one leaving the other because of it never crossed our minds. We knew what we wanted to build and we knew that it would take everything we had and neither of us was willing to settle for anything less than our best and we would do whatever we had to do to have it. After hearing my truth she asked questions like “Do you know why you would date someone who had children after your decision to leave yours behind?” assisting me in assessing some of the reasons as to why I made some of the decisions in relationships that I had made. “Do you believe that you were trying to recreate the family you once had or the one you wanted to have?” I would need rest after some of our talks because I would be so tired from digging so deep for hours that I would immediately go to sleep after hanging up the phone. We’d do this for almost two years meanwhile I would pray that I offered her the same amount of attention, love, and support in her growth and evolution that she allowed me.  And, in conversation she would tell me that I did.
This relationship was a true compliment to me in every area of my life so much so that I grew in areas that I didn’t even know I needed to grow in and my businesses took off because of it.  We would talk through schisms that we would have which in the beginning was difficult for me to do.  I never realized my lack of maturity in relationships and how my communication skills lacked and had to ultimately be taken to another level. She was no nonsense about our relationship and was not allowing us to sweep things under the rug or skip over any issue. She taught me to deal with them as they came so they would not affect us down the road.  Everything that I thought I knew about relationships was challenged; my relationship with myself, with my children, and with my partner. I felt like I was in the military (in basic training), everything that I thought I knew about myself seemed to be old news and had to be discarded. I was being deprogrammed from outdated thinking, reduced to a blank canvas, and all the new information that was left offered a foundation in which to build upon.
We have no idea how much the Universe conspires to help us. The Creator always sends you what you are ready for but often we don’t even know what we’re ready for especially when it looks like work. I had been sending out an S.O.S. for years and finally my ship came in and I was ready to board. While it was right in front of me of course I couldn’t just walk on I had to clean up some stuff, I had to reduce the baggage in my life once again, and I had to understand where it was that I had been so that I would have a clear vision for where it was that I was going. You see, you can get on any ship any day and go any where but to be aligned with the right ship at the right time is at its best a miracle and I believe that the Creator had done that in my life, performed a miracle.

Healing From The Past


I heard it so clear ” You’re not going to be able to move forward and help others until you first are able to help yourself.”
The reason I host a transformational internet talk show is because I too am transforming. I am in a perpetual state of transformation and this dimension of transformation has been the most difficult. Even still, I believe that I have finally found that one piece (peace) that will take me to the other side. Finally.
I have three suns that are now grown men that I did not raise. Not in the traditional sense. During their childhood we spent every Christmas, New Years, and a couple weeks during the summer together every year for ten years. This part of my transitioning into the next dimension has been the most difficult because as I have been dealing with certain things in my life this part has been the most eye-opening, hurtful, shameful, and even guilt ridden.  Although my children and I each have great relationships, and they have never judged me for leaving them with their father or not being there 24/7 it is I who have dealt with life the most internally regarding this decision.  Their love for me have never waned and the older they get we seem to get closer.
Two years ago I made a decision to let go of a Nine year relationship because I felt I was not growing. I felt in some way stuck and not because my partner at the time made me feel that way but because I understood that we were going in different directions and the relationship itself was not growing. Leaving this relationship allowed me to spend quite a bit of time alone. Something I hadn’t done since 2005 after being run over by a car. This time alone afforded me the time to once again look at myself; up close and personal and do some inside work.
Eight months into my alone time and working on myself my youngest came to live with me to get himself together.  I felt like this was a second opportunity to get to know each other more and to deal with some things from our past so again, I was willing to do the work.  The fun quickly dissipated as this was a daunting task, more than I had imagined but too there were loving spaces for us to enjoy as well. But I  had to admit  that again,I found myself in a tough space trying to heal with someone who is now grown.  For  fourteen months we lived together trying to coexist in a world we both were new to at different points in our lives. This best thing was that neither of us held any resentment of the other even though we were getting on each others nerves at times and we loved each other more than we got on each others nerves. We were learning, growing, and letting go of parts of ourselves that were no longer needed or effective in order to have a more functional relationship. During the times we talked I would find myself learning just how much I had missed out of his and his brothers lives. I felt guilty at best even though he wasn’t telling me so that I could, he would just tell me stories of things that he had lived, and I myself saw what he had endured because I was not there.
My sun moved out recently and we are at a great place. Even though some of it was tough it was one of the best experiences that I’ve had. It was so necessary for the growth of us both and helped us to be able to move forward in our purpose.  Not long ago his father came to town for a funeral and of course he stopped by to see my son, and then they both came to see me.  My ex-husband and I have always remained friends over the years as divorced mothers and fathers should in order to co-parent children. We also check in with one another from time to time as well. We all sat in my living room laughing talking about all of my suns, their lives, and what we’ve experienced. As I sat, listened, and watched the two of them together I realized two things; one I had made the right decision to leave them with their father because of their relationship; but the second was a little heartbreaking as I came to an even further conclusion of how much I had really missed out on my boys lives.  That night I would be happy and sad at the same time.  When they left my heart was a little heavy. It wasn’t heavy because I thought that I should’ve stayed in the relationship with their father but because I felt that maybe I should’ve stayed closer to them so that I did not miss them growing up, football games, and many firsts.
I allowed myself to feel these emotions and think about what could’ve been if I had not moved to a different state and remained physically closer to my children. I cried a little at the things that I had missed, time that was lost, and then asked myself questions, waited for the answers and listened to myself as I spoke. I knew it was necessary for me not to run from the answers and the things that I had done but to gain an understanding of what has happened, why, and how to move on and heal from them.
I have since reconciled my feeling with regards to that night, and our past. I believe that things happen for many different reasons and we should not relive them over and over but to work through them so that we can have a better future.

Mahogany Jones- Conversations With Kai Mann


Join us on the couch for a fun but powerful conversation with performance and recording artist Mahogany Jones. Mahogany, also an arts educator and activist shares her journey through hip hop, being a woman in hip hop, and her dynamic life. Watch the show Wednesdays at 7pm EST.

Visit http://www.watchthelivenetwork.com.

Mahogany Jones http://mahoganyjones.com

Facebook: @mahoganyjones

Instagram: @mahoganyjonz

Kai Mann kai-mann.com

Twitter: @kaiology

Instagram: @kaiology

Facebook: @kai.mann

Tumblr: @kaiology

Twitter: @converskaimann

Facebook: @conversationswithkaimann

Instagram: @conversationswithkaimann

Tumblr: @conversationswithkaimann

elevationnationmedia.com

Executive Producer: Kai Mann

Producer: Lenderrick Jones

Creative Director: Yahminah McIntosh

Music: Sunny Day [audioblocks] audioblocks.com