Don’t Get Sucked In


me, GROWING AND PROUD OF MYSELF.

This morning I sit and create with the thoughts that God gave me. I am reminded of two videos I started working on for a client late yesterday and how to top them off. And then, my thoughts go to a meeting that I have on Monday. At the end of this meeting we get to talk about what good thing happened to us since the last meeting. I contemplate how I have been privy to see people’s real intentions as of late. Although it’s been longer than 30 days this entire year so far has been about communication. Mainly mine. Preparation began for this during the third quarter of 2017 where the focus was on Self talk, Self-expression, how I communicate with others and respond to their actions. I’ve been privileged to see people for who they really are but the key hasn’t been about them but about me. What will I do with the information and how will I react. Knowing someone’s real intentions or feelings and not reacting with hate, malice, or judgement of their thoughts, actions, or intentions tells more about you than them. These past 30 days has been allowing this knowledge to turn into wisdom.

Late last year a private email of a co-worker was somehow sent to me. It was an email between herself and her fiancé about me “acting black”. I was hurt and felt a bit disturbed because I had not seen this coming. Was I distracted? How did I not know that she felt some kind of way about black people? She and I laugh together, finish each other’s songs and watch some of the same shows together that have mostly black characters. When I checked my email when I got in the office that morning, I remember sitting and reading it over and over. I originally thought that she meant to forward the email to someone else in the office, but I thought “no”, because that person has blacks in their family, so I don’t think that it was meant for them. When she came in the office I calmly waited for her to get situated after we said, “Good morning” and then I asked if she had anything that she wanted to tell me. She said “No.” I then forwarded her email back to her and asked her to check her email. She did and instead of speaking with me about it she immediately went to our boss. I felt slighted once again, like why couldn’t you and I just talk about this. Maybe she thought that I was going to fly off the handle. I didn’t. I was shook but I realized that I had been prepared for this the night before when speaking to a friend about something she was creating called “Just say it”.  My friend created a platform called “Just say it” where people can have a safe space to just say how they really feel. She felt that this was a way for us to begin to learn about how we really feel and about others and how they feel. She thought it was a way for all of us to heal and I agreed so which meant if I really felt that way this situation I found myself currently in would allow for me to react in a different manner and so, I did.

I’ve previously written about how people come up to me and just start telling me intimate stories of their lives and how I feel that it is part of my purpose here on earth to allow people to have a safe space to say things that they couldn’t otherwise say to someone else or maybe for them to release those things.  There too are people who just come up to me and say out of the way things as well to me about me that many people would just go off about and I don’t. I realize that when people come up to me that I am a light, a refuge of sort and that light will draw anyone who needs it even those who don’t know how to respond to it. It’s not about me it’s about them. So even when people come up to me who I don’t know and say something about what I’m wearing or even what I’m doing I’ve come to understand that it’s about them and not me so don’t get upset or angry in response.

When all my energy is not focused or directed in a specific place I am open to the energy fields of those around me. It’s a good thing at times because I can feel when someone needs something which could just mean that in that moment they feel afraid and just need for someone to stand with them. I feel that, and I stand with them without saying that I feel that they do. On the opposite of that I’ve been able to feel people’s negative intentions or feelings where I am concerned as well. It is normal when you can feel someone’s disdain, dislike, displeasure or ill-intentions towards you to want to be on the defense so that you can defend yourself, but I realize there is no need. The key is to remain in a space of love. People often get sucked in thinking that you must defend or shield yourself from someone else’s actions, but the key is to be able to hold a space of love in your heart even when you know the truth. Remember, it’s not about you, it’s about them but how you react is all about you. I believe you should love yourself enough to react differently so that you’re not disappointed later by your actions.

Anytime that we find out how someone truly feels about us we can focus all our energy on being prepared for their next move and how to one-up them or we can focus our energy on how we want to react. Our reactions say more about where we are in our lives. It says if we’ve mastered a level where we walk in reaction to others, being pulled in every direction or if we are strong enough to resist the urge of those low-level things and can now move to the next level. It’s who you’ve said that you wanted to be, it’s hard to be it but you can’t just say it and not mean it or work to be it.

Saying who you are and being that person takes two different types of energy. We strive to be that person who has mastered those things, so we say that we are but it’s almost like saying we are because it sounds good but with no real intent or action to do the work it takes to be it. We’ve heard others say it and it sounds good on them, so we feel we must say it too but don’t have a real concept of it, what it looks like or even why we should say it or even be it for that matter. If you’ve ever worked in a call center you know that you work from a script. Everyone is supposed to say the same thing. In a call center you can hear everyone’s conversation and occasionally, someone will deviate from the script and what they’ve said sounds good and you hear yourself say “That sounds good, I’m going to say that the next time too.” So, the next time you’re in that situation where those words fit you say them. You don’t know why other than it just sounds good so you said it.

I listen to teachings on YouTube while I work because I work a lot and don’t get to read often. Sometimes at work I’m so focused on what they’re saying in the YouTube video that I’m listening to that I don’t always hear what’s going on around me. It hasn’t always been because I don’t get to read often but also to be honest, mostly to retreat from what’s going on around me at the same time. For some time now, I’ve been allowing myself a little time to focus less on that and tuning in to some of the frequencies around me and I sometimes feel the negative intentions or feelings of others when they walk past. Sometimes it can be hard to feel their energy and not match it but again, I don’t want to be pulled into the madness of others, my goal is to maintain my own frequency even in chaos or ill-feelings or intent. Some days I win and others I don’t even if it is not said aloud, anytime when I allow my feelings to match theirs I’ve lost.

Little by little for the last month I’ve been packing to move. I’ve been working so much that I waited until the last minute to find a place. However, God saw fit to bless me to not be homeless and be able to move from one place to another seamlessly, so I thought. My new leasing office called me to say that my new apartment will not be ready on the 15th as planned, something came up and that it won’t be ready until the 19th. They said they would try to find another apartment and would let me know by the end of the day if they could. I didn’t get shaken I just said “This is going to be difficult as I have to be out of my current place on the 15th and would have to spend extra money to store my belongings and find a hotel to stay for the four days. At that time, they let me know that I should be able to stay at my current apartment for four extra days, so I called my current leasing office. When I called to ask the person that I usually speak with when I have problems she was not there. I asked to speak to her because not only is she the manager but when I’ve had to pay my rent late I’ve called and spoke with her. Her not being there was alignment working at its best. There was a gentleman who answered the phone who was new. After telling me the manager wasn’t in I told him what my situation was, and he told me that they basically had to let me stay it’s in my signed contract but that he would let the manager know what my issue was and have her to call me. Well, the new leasing office was not able to turn-around another apartment, so they called to let me know. The next morning, I called my current leasing office again and the person I wanted to speak with the day prior answered the phone. I asked her if she received my message, she said she had and that I was on her list to call back. She asked me if it was possible for them to have my apartment ready on the 15th and I told her no that they had an issue with the tub and had to send out for a new one and that it wouldn’t be ready until the 19th. I told her that I had nowhere else to go and that I needed to remain in my apartment until the 19th. She told me that was unfortunate as I was slated to move on the 15th and she had tenants moving in. The tone she used was one I had not heard before, so I told her that I was told because I had signed an agreement with your company that I would be allowed to stay the additional days. Not allowing her tone to affect mine. She then began to change her tone because I had a piece of information that she didn’t know that I had and said “Well, let me see what I can do. I’ll try to find another apartment for the tenants and I’ll let you know later today.” It’s funny how all this time I thought she was a fair person and I often gave her praises and thanked her for being such. Finding out that she would’ve pushed me out of my apartment taking advantage of my lack of information had I not known that because I signed an agreement with the leasing company that I could stay additional days made me feel some kind of way when I got off the phone with her. Later that day she called and left a voicemail message saying that “I could stay until the 19th but that they would need the keys by noon that day.” That was jarring for me to know that she would’ve put me out knowing that I had nowhere else to go because I didn’t know that I could’ve stayed. I thanked God for giving me insider information prior to speaking with her and then I asked myself “How will you handle this when you see her?” Remember, this says more about her than it does me but how I choose to handle this now says more about me than it does her.

The moral to these stories is that I’m really beginning to understand self-love on another level. Loving myself means that I chose to be a better person as the opportunity presents. That I chose to communicate on a higher frequency. That even with new information I can still choose to live in peace. In peace with myself, my actions, and my responses. That I can choose my energy and what I will focus on. That I have the power to love myself in such a way that I don’t need to disappoint myself and over react to situations to prove that love. That every time that I do, it makes me stronger and more powerful.

 

me, I AM GROWING AND I AM PROUD OF MYSELF.

 

 

 

Kai-ology….The study of Kai

 

InkMann Press–Thriving


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We’ve been surviving for years, but when asked to thrive, the question become “how?” The Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary and Thesaurus defines thriving as; to grow luxuriantly, to flourish, and to gain wealth or possessions. When we begin to ponder the evolution of thriving we must first come to the conclusion that life should be more than just a game of survival. While survival is useful at certain points in our lives, thriving leads us to do more. Thriving says that we will no longer do those things every day that doesn’t benefit us in any way, shape, or form. Thriving demands that we grow in every area of our lives.

 

Expanding past the norm, we thrive in a way that brings about transformational living in its rarest forms. This transformational living can only come when we take heed to the lessons that we’ve learned and expound upon them.  When you build upon the lesson that you learn, you create the life you want, and that is the ultimate act of thriving. Often when we learn something we learn for the moment unless it evokes some type of pain or emotion that teaches us the lesson. For some people it takes a few times of repeating the same mistake in order to really get the lesson. The others learn faster. But, when you’re able to take the lesson and put it with the other tools that you have in your tool box to master yourself; you now get the maximum benefit from the outcome.

 

Thriving insists that we thoroughly understand the lessons that we are learning and how they are unique to us. When we understand what the lesson is for we can begin to know how to use it to our advantage so that we can better serve ourselves first, and then others. Most people would have a problem with me placing ourselves first in the previous sentence but in order to serve others you must first know how to serve you. When we secure ourselves first we allow our souls to take root and cause us to be grounded. If we have no root and have not been grounded we cannot have a foundation for others to stand. When we know who we are and what we’re capable of we know our own worth and are not afraid to stand in it. So remember, the goal is to always place your oxygen mask on first, then others. We cannot thrive if we cannot survive. This was something I had to come to the understanding of when I took a look at my life personally and professionally. I knew that I wanted to be at a place where I was my best self. And I knew that being my best or highest self required a bit more thought, planning, strategy, and execution. I chose to expend the energy to learn consistently in a way that would instill the lessons deep inside through repetition.

 

One day while planning how I would give my clients the best customer service: I perceived that I had to serve them in a different way to begin the shift for the future. I had been schooled on how that everything I did for my clients should be based upon where my company was headed and not where it was. I would always be ahead of the game if I planned it that way. A thriving company prepares for the here-after; even if you’re unsure there will be one. In planning how to best service them I recall that I still had to serve them while maintaining the things I was already committed to doing, as well as those tasks I had to do for myself. This meant that I had to step my game up a couple of notches if I wanted to ensure balance and order, personally as well. It was important for me to keep balance in order to thrive. Thriving goes past survival: it’s where you go to reach your dreams and create new ones. The goal of thriving is made manifest when everything in your world at any given time is spinning on its axis harmoniously and consistently.

 

I can remember rushing to get through lessons not comprehending that rushing causes you to miss things because you can’t see them correctly. I became aware that there was no need to rush when you were prepared. Being prepared meant life would go easier than it would if you were not. For example, if you iron your clothes for the week, or maybe even the night before, the next morning you don’t have to rush because everything is already done.  All you need to do is shower, brush your teeth, jump in your clothes, brush your hair, and go. It’s as simple as that; but when we choose not to be prepared we do not allow ourselves a chance to be our best.

 

Life will always require you to kick it up a notch when you have been privy to the most amazing experiences. Remember, to whom much is given, much is required. Don’t worry though; this is where you get to see what you’re made of.  In order to keep up and have balance all at the same time you must reinvent yourself before you have to. I say ‘before’ simply because you are not ready for the future right now; you have to be made ready for it. It’s called preparation for what’s to come.

 

One day after a shower I looked in the mirror at myself. I looked at the shape of my face, my eyes, my body, and afterwards, I looked at my mind. Not physically of course, but in retrospection and also in the future. In getting with myself I learned to allow myself the space to settle within for a moment. I didn’t rush the process, lessons, time, or the space. I allowed myself time to receive all that the Creator has for me. And when I opened myself up, I allowed the most creative space I’ve ever seen to come from me. It has been a life of trial and error but the intention has always remained the same, to be the best me I can possibly be. I will continue to thrive because I am intentional about it. I’ve learned to schedule out my life to create balance and organization. For me this has been most important to accomplish because we always want to be a benefit to others but when we’re all over the place it’s hard to do that.

 

God has always carefully and strategically changed my scenery to teach me lessons I would use for the future. As I understand it more, I begin to look for the changes to occur and look forward to what I’ll learn next. So far I’ve learned that what you do in your personal life translates into your business life. When we allow ourselves to change what we’re doing, to accommodate where we are going, we design a better course for our lives. What more than a designer life created by you, made by the decisions you made based upon where you wanted to go.

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Twitter: @Kaiology

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It’s My Birthday


I don’t think it’s fair to know something that could possibly help someone else and you don’t share it.

What I learn should be shared so that we can start walking more to an enlightened state, rather that ‘base’ thinking we are all doing. I say doing because we post all these wonderful quotes and they’re just that  something someone quoted; we want to sound like we’re wise but our actions tell on us.

I’ve learned it’s not as easy to

walk the talk

but when you do

your life is better

it’s richer

and has more meaning

I learned to eat the meat

and spit out the bones

what’s for me I’ll get

and that life will come to

test you

and you have to know

what you believe in

and how you’re going

to defend that if need

be

I learned that it’s easier

to tell the truth

even though you know

some will be offended

I learned that the

initial shock is

not as bad

as it could be

if told later

I learned that friendships

take time

that we should say

who we are

in the beginning

so our energy

isn’t exasperated

over time

I learned that love is more

than words

it in all it’s forms of

authenticity

is a life force

that can’t be mined

by regret

I learned that you teach people

how to treat you

I learned to tell my truth

I learn to say

how I feel

in a way

so that you understand

Well,

those who are supposed

to will

those who don’t

won’t

I learned that when you love

someone to put your

heart out there

even when it has

been broken

but I learned that

because I learned

how to be

choosy

about who I

allow myself to

love

I learned to trust me

my feelings…..sometimes

make me hesitate

because I don’t

want to offend

but I learned that again,

you teach people how to treat you

when you give in

I learned that I can’t

love you

if I don’t love me

so when I let you

walk all over me

it’s because

I don’t love me

I learned sometimes,

that if it doesn’t mean

something big

I’ll let it slide

but when the

freebies goes unnoticed

and even unchecked

the intensity builds

up

to almost

explosions

I learned

that’s not important

for a lot

of people

but that’s okay too

just not for me

I learned that in order

to remain humble

I can’t always

look for the

praise

you have to keep doing

what got you

there

you have to learn

from it

build on it

and then give it

away…

 To see more you’ll have to purchase your copy of “Pen To Paper~ A Walk Into Destiny” It’s My Birthday Kai Mann © 2014

Know When


You gotta know when

You gotta know when to be mad

and when to stay cool if you’re going to make it though

because you don’t have energy for bullshit

So pay attention

Open your eyes and see

See who’s there

and where they’re at

And what they’re doing

Ain’t nobody got time for that mess.

Feel like beating you for trying to distract me

That’s why I’m so disappointed

I am never trying to take your eyes

off of whatever it is that you see

that you want

and you could possibly get

Pay attention….

 

Eat the Meat and Spit out the Bones


When you try to give people something different and they respond with struggle you have to redirect your energy to those who want to listen and get something that they have never had. Sometimes we get hung up because we can’t see past the person who is delivering the goods. Maybe you’ll miss it now and get it later when you’re ready because mentally you have to be ready to lay aside judgment to get to the meat. Chewing on bones isn’t good for anyone’s teeth but we’d rather focus on the negative than to listen out for the positive…Peace

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