Don’t Get Sucked In


me, GROWING AND PROUD OF MYSELF.

This morning I sit and create with the thoughts that God gave me. I am reminded of two videos I started working on for a client late yesterday and how to top them off. And then, my thoughts go to a meeting that I have on Monday. At the end of this meeting we get to talk about what good thing happened to us since the last meeting. I contemplate how I have been privy to see people’s real intentions as of late. Although it’s been longer than 30 days this entire year so far has been about communication. Mainly mine. Preparation began for this during the third quarter of 2017 where the focus was on Self talk, Self-expression, how I communicate with others and respond to their actions. I’ve been privileged to see people for who they really are but the key hasn’t been about them but about me. What will I do with the information and how will I react. Knowing someone’s real intentions or feelings and not reacting with hate, malice, or judgement of their thoughts, actions, or intentions tells more about you than them. These past 30 days has been allowing this knowledge to turn into wisdom.

Late last year a private email of a co-worker was somehow sent to me. It was an email between herself and her fiancé about me “acting black”. I was hurt and felt a bit disturbed because I had not seen this coming. Was I distracted? How did I not know that she felt some kind of way about black people? She and I laugh together, finish each other’s songs and watch some of the same shows together that have mostly black characters. When I checked my email when I got in the office that morning, I remember sitting and reading it over and over. I originally thought that she meant to forward the email to someone else in the office, but I thought “no”, because that person has blacks in their family, so I don’t think that it was meant for them. When she came in the office I calmly waited for her to get situated after we said, “Good morning” and then I asked if she had anything that she wanted to tell me. She said “No.” I then forwarded her email back to her and asked her to check her email. She did and instead of speaking with me about it she immediately went to our boss. I felt slighted once again, like why couldn’t you and I just talk about this. Maybe she thought that I was going to fly off the handle. I didn’t. I was shook but I realized that I had been prepared for this the night before when speaking to a friend about something she was creating called “Just say it”.  My friend created a platform called “Just say it” where people can have a safe space to just say how they really feel. She felt that this was a way for us to begin to learn about how we really feel and about others and how they feel. She thought it was a way for all of us to heal and I agreed so which meant if I really felt that way this situation I found myself currently in would allow for me to react in a different manner and so, I did.

I’ve previously written about how people come up to me and just start telling me intimate stories of their lives and how I feel that it is part of my purpose here on earth to allow people to have a safe space to say things that they couldn’t otherwise say to someone else or maybe for them to release those things.  There too are people who just come up to me and say out of the way things as well to me about me that many people would just go off about and I don’t. I realize that when people come up to me that I am a light, a refuge of sort and that light will draw anyone who needs it even those who don’t know how to respond to it. It’s not about me it’s about them. So even when people come up to me who I don’t know and say something about what I’m wearing or even what I’m doing I’ve come to understand that it’s about them and not me so don’t get upset or angry in response.

When all my energy is not focused or directed in a specific place I am open to the energy fields of those around me. It’s a good thing at times because I can feel when someone needs something which could just mean that in that moment they feel afraid and just need for someone to stand with them. I feel that, and I stand with them without saying that I feel that they do. On the opposite of that I’ve been able to feel people’s negative intentions or feelings where I am concerned as well. It is normal when you can feel someone’s disdain, dislike, displeasure or ill-intentions towards you to want to be on the defense so that you can defend yourself, but I realize there is no need. The key is to remain in a space of love. People often get sucked in thinking that you must defend or shield yourself from someone else’s actions, but the key is to be able to hold a space of love in your heart even when you know the truth. Remember, it’s not about you, it’s about them but how you react is all about you. I believe you should love yourself enough to react differently so that you’re not disappointed later by your actions.

Anytime that we find out how someone truly feels about us we can focus all our energy on being prepared for their next move and how to one-up them or we can focus our energy on how we want to react. Our reactions say more about where we are in our lives. It says if we’ve mastered a level where we walk in reaction to others, being pulled in every direction or if we are strong enough to resist the urge of those low-level things and can now move to the next level. It’s who you’ve said that you wanted to be, it’s hard to be it but you can’t just say it and not mean it or work to be it.

Saying who you are and being that person takes two different types of energy. We strive to be that person who has mastered those things, so we say that we are but it’s almost like saying we are because it sounds good but with no real intent or action to do the work it takes to be it. We’ve heard others say it and it sounds good on them, so we feel we must say it too but don’t have a real concept of it, what it looks like or even why we should say it or even be it for that matter. If you’ve ever worked in a call center you know that you work from a script. Everyone is supposed to say the same thing. In a call center you can hear everyone’s conversation and occasionally, someone will deviate from the script and what they’ve said sounds good and you hear yourself say “That sounds good, I’m going to say that the next time too.” So, the next time you’re in that situation where those words fit you say them. You don’t know why other than it just sounds good so you said it.

I listen to teachings on YouTube while I work because I work a lot and don’t get to read often. Sometimes at work I’m so focused on what they’re saying in the YouTube video that I’m listening to that I don’t always hear what’s going on around me. It hasn’t always been because I don’t get to read often but also to be honest, mostly to retreat from what’s going on around me at the same time. For some time now, I’ve been allowing myself a little time to focus less on that and tuning in to some of the frequencies around me and I sometimes feel the negative intentions or feelings of others when they walk past. Sometimes it can be hard to feel their energy and not match it but again, I don’t want to be pulled into the madness of others, my goal is to maintain my own frequency even in chaos or ill-feelings or intent. Some days I win and others I don’t even if it is not said aloud, anytime when I allow my feelings to match theirs I’ve lost.

Little by little for the last month I’ve been packing to move. I’ve been working so much that I waited until the last minute to find a place. However, God saw fit to bless me to not be homeless and be able to move from one place to another seamlessly, so I thought. My new leasing office called me to say that my new apartment will not be ready on the 15th as planned, something came up and that it won’t be ready until the 19th. They said they would try to find another apartment and would let me know by the end of the day if they could. I didn’t get shaken I just said “This is going to be difficult as I have to be out of my current place on the 15th and would have to spend extra money to store my belongings and find a hotel to stay for the four days. At that time, they let me know that I should be able to stay at my current apartment for four extra days, so I called my current leasing office. When I called to ask the person that I usually speak with when I have problems she was not there. I asked to speak to her because not only is she the manager but when I’ve had to pay my rent late I’ve called and spoke with her. Her not being there was alignment working at its best. There was a gentleman who answered the phone who was new. After telling me the manager wasn’t in I told him what my situation was, and he told me that they basically had to let me stay it’s in my signed contract but that he would let the manager know what my issue was and have her to call me. Well, the new leasing office was not able to turn-around another apartment, so they called to let me know. The next morning, I called my current leasing office again and the person I wanted to speak with the day prior answered the phone. I asked her if she received my message, she said she had and that I was on her list to call back. She asked me if it was possible for them to have my apartment ready on the 15th and I told her no that they had an issue with the tub and had to send out for a new one and that it wouldn’t be ready until the 19th. I told her that I had nowhere else to go and that I needed to remain in my apartment until the 19th. She told me that was unfortunate as I was slated to move on the 15th and she had tenants moving in. The tone she used was one I had not heard before, so I told her that I was told because I had signed an agreement with your company that I would be allowed to stay the additional days. Not allowing her tone to affect mine. She then began to change her tone because I had a piece of information that she didn’t know that I had and said “Well, let me see what I can do. I’ll try to find another apartment for the tenants and I’ll let you know later today.” It’s funny how all this time I thought she was a fair person and I often gave her praises and thanked her for being such. Finding out that she would’ve pushed me out of my apartment taking advantage of my lack of information had I not known that because I signed an agreement with the leasing company that I could stay additional days made me feel some kind of way when I got off the phone with her. Later that day she called and left a voicemail message saying that “I could stay until the 19th but that they would need the keys by noon that day.” That was jarring for me to know that she would’ve put me out knowing that I had nowhere else to go because I didn’t know that I could’ve stayed. I thanked God for giving me insider information prior to speaking with her and then I asked myself “How will you handle this when you see her?” Remember, this says more about her than it does me but how I choose to handle this now says more about me than it does her.

The moral to these stories is that I’m really beginning to understand self-love on another level. Loving myself means that I chose to be a better person as the opportunity presents. That I chose to communicate on a higher frequency. That even with new information I can still choose to live in peace. In peace with myself, my actions, and my responses. That I can choose my energy and what I will focus on. That I have the power to love myself in such a way that I don’t need to disappoint myself and over react to situations to prove that love. That every time that I do, it makes me stronger and more powerful.

 

me, I AM GROWING AND I AM PROUD OF MYSELF.

 

 

 

Kai-ology….The study of Kai

 

Reflection (2017)


There are years in one’s life that will most certainly be remembered. 2017 is that year for me.  It was the year that everything that I thought I knew was tested. About myself, the people around me, and the systems that I had once relied upon to get me through every moment of the day. It tested processes that I had in place for most of my life that worked and now many of them failed. A life that had been perfected and mastered, broke and failed under the weight of it all. It was as if I awoke one day in January 2017 and everything I had learned prior was no longer valid and I had to start from scratch and learn a ‘new’ thing.

For most of 2017 I felt lost and at times abandoned. The abandonment didn’t come because there wasn’t anyone in my corner but that the ease that walked with me through the course of my life had seemed to leave me at my greatest time of need. The person that I knew of myself was stripped of every virtue one by one. The lack of difficulty in learning and moving through this period unlike many others had seemed to dissipate. Leaving me clueless when lessons seemed harder to get, maintain, and implement.

We read books and hear stories about the hero’s journey and at some point, throughout our lives we realize that we too are on our own hero’s journey. I’ve been on this journey for quite some time but 2017 has truly dismantled the foundation of who I was/am.  The slab of concrete that once held my entire belief system in my world rocked to the core as if an earthquake came along and destroyed everything.

To describe it, one would say that walking inside the vessel known as me was like walking around after the quake was over and there was no room to step. No solid ground to stand on. As you began to move all you knew to do was to try and pick up as many pieces as you could so that you had a place to freely stand. One would think that the more pieces were up the better chance you had to be secure but the aftershocks wouldn’t allow for it so you just kept repeating the steps until you no longer had to.

The composure once held, that signaled a dominance of distinguishment now suggests something else. I can tell that I’m being made over and the feeling one gets during this process is to ask, “who am I” meanwhile bricks continue to fall. Oh, you cannot tell on the outside by looking in. Well, on most days and at least that is what I tell myself. But, if you’re in close proximity to me and you have ever studied me you know that something is not quite right.

Ah, but it is. It is quite right. This is the place in between the place. This is where every person who has reached for greatness has been. As I realized what was happening I began to shift my perspective. I started to lean into it as much as I could. Some days I won, but many others the contrast won. I’d try giving in to the fact that I was no longer the master and had found myself in unfamiliar territory trying to swim in areas where the levees broke, and the water was too high. I was being rebuilt and it was exhaustive at best. In previous years I had the focus of a guru and now it was trying just to concentrate.

I was being broken down to be rebuilt to create a new foundation, a new structure, one to hold the new truths, new processes, and new systems for the next life that I am to adventure. 2017 broke the mold in order to get a new one. It offered and marked the end to an era but not without first extending a time of healing from the tearing down and the brokenness that one would feel from so much trauma during any natural disaster.

As devastating as a natural disaster is, it happens naturally and is caused by a need for change, restructure, and newness of opportunity once survival has been obtained. It is like a time of purification. The key is to survive it. Many people can’t get past the devastation of the disaster to ask the tough questions like ‘why’ and “what can we learn from it.” Although I am still learning some lessons from even the earlier part of 2017’s wrath I know how important it was to live through it and to use it as the compass for the next part of my life.

If you ask me what 2017 taught me I’ll tell you quite a bit but to get the full disclosure come back on Monday, January 14th when I will go in full detail.  This year, the Kai Mann blog will post every 1st and 3rd Monday of the month.  Stay tuned, I’ve got some amazing experiences, thoughts, and ideas that I want to share with you. If you like what you read, do me the honor of sharing it with anyone that you believe that it will resonate with. You can also check out the Kaiology Mann YouTube channel for videos and please do subscribe. I appreciate you and stand with you in the building of your 2018. Let’s get it!

 

 

InkMann Press–Paying Attention


Love, honor, and cherish the spaces that you find yourself in, for life can change rather quickly.–Kai Mann

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I have found myself in a space of take-it-all-in’edness. I know that’s not a word but it so describes the spirit I am in. I have been paying attention to what the Universe has given me privilege to partake in and to view from the seat of my own soul. Perceptions and perspectives have changed over the last twelve months allowing my spirit to open wide with transformative intentions. I would be lying if I said the entire twelve months I have gone willingly. You would have thought I would; I would’ve thought I would, but there were parts of me unwilling to open the eyes of my understanding to see past my own lids. Some things I fought against like a child holding on to its last days of childhood forbidding going into adulthood. That part of me has decreased today as the more adult me is able to talk the child into moving forward when the motion is necessary out of future pain or suffering.

 

You see, rarely do we understand that what we might feel now will not compare to what we’ll feel later if we do not move when the opportunity presents itself. If you’ve ever gotten the chance to live when others have not: or to witness life happen to someone else in a way that if misconstrued you’d get the rest of life  all wrong, then you knew that it was purpose. It was purpose that granted you access to see the view at the top of the mountain, to tell a story, to learn a lesson, or to help someone else. I thank God that I have been able to see and feel life from a different vantage point. A vantage point, that if I had not seen correctly, I would’ve missed the advantage.

 

For most of my life I hated to see people about to get into trouble, be in pain, or anything that could hurt them. I’d turn away. I couldn’t even watch a movie that I could feel the protagonist’s trouble before it happened and would get up to go do something so I wouldn’t have to watch that part of the movie. My DNA is programmed to want others to win and when it would look as if they weren’t I would turn my head away so as not to see them lose. One thing I had failed to realize was that I hated to see my own self lose. I’d turn my head away from me when I felt I was about to get into trouble, make a mistake, or be in pain just so I wouldn’t have to witness it.

 

Today what I have learned from that behavior was that the pre-warned feelings were giving me the opportunity to change course, correct my sail, or to just do something different. I hadn’t realized that my instincts were protecting me so I wouldn’t have to experience whatever trouble, mistake, or pain so drastically. Me diverting my attention or closing my eyes would cause the most intense pain because I’d still have to drive right through it even with eyes wide shut making the devastation much worse.

 

On a different street but in the same neighborhood I too realized that shying away from the experiences of others would leave me hallow. To live life as a shell of a person who lacked depth because she had denied herself the privilege of experiencing life through the eyes of another. I can’t say that it has been easy but the connections I have made just opening myself up to experiencing my own life, as well as the lives of others, has added value to my soul. No longer will I allow myself to miss out on the moments for fear that they may turn ugly, when all of life is so beautiful.

“Elevated Living” Interview with Jodi Luster


On Sunday, December 14th I was interviewed by Jodi Luster of Elevated Living on urbannationradio.com. Check out the audio of part 1 and 2 of this interview.

 

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Author Feature ~ Victor ‘Billione’ Walker


Tell us your favorite book, but don’t tell us the name of the book until

the end of the blog post.

 

Billione1

 

When I read those words, something in me shook uncontrollably until I fell

dramatically onto the floor of my apartment in Ypsilanti, Michigan. I

remember that day. No one was there but me, but it felt as if my ancestors

were with me, and had delivered a love note to me, passed down through the

ages that said I was not unusual.

 

I am straight forward, demanding, and direct. However, I am also shy,

observant and compassionate. I am a great number of complex things, but

most of all, I recognize that I, just like everyone I know, have been

enacting a story that if not changed will destroy the earth.

 

No one told me this; I felt it from the moment I was born. Much like the

narrator of this book, I sought a teacher who could help me make sense of

that hum of culture’s mythology in my ear. I have been held captive by this

mythology and have always been looking for a way out.

 

From this book, I learned that I no longer have to be at war with the

earth, my community, or myself. This book was given to me as a gift from a

close friend. In fact, many of the most powerful books I’ve read were given

to me as gifts, suggesting to me they have come down from the ages and

chose me¾ but I digress.

 

What would you say if I told you a telepathic gorilla changed the way I saw

the world and everything with it? You would call me crazy, I’m sure.

However, I indeed learned that all things in the world are necessary and

dependent on each other and if humans continue to destroy everything we

touch, there will be no hope for any of us.

 

The only way I can describe my favorite book is to tell you that the

journey is an individual experience that will either anger you or liberate

you. There is no way to read it and rest in the gray area: Either you will

love it or you will hate it, but you will feel passionate either way.

 

I’ve read it at least 10 times and find it to be moving every time. It has

reshaped my thinking and helped me evolve hoe I approach issues in my life.

If you ever want to truly get into my head and see how I think and what

motivates me, read this book and embark on a path that changes everyone

that steps foot on it.

 

The author is Daniel Quinn and my favorite book is entitled Ishmael.

 

Author: Victor ‘Billione’ Walker

Twitter: @Billione

Facebook: getbillione

Website: http://getbillione.com

Book: No Tea No Shade

No Tea No Shade

 

Masquerade Tour: Destruction by Sharon Bayliss


 

Light always exists and will always return when missing…
Publication Date: April 14, 2014

Series: The December People, Book One

Genre: Contemporary Fantasy 

David Vandergraff wants to be a good man. He goes to church every Sunday, keeps his lawn trim and green, and loves his wife and kids more than anything. Unfortunately, being a dark wizard isn’t a choice.


Eleven years ago, David’s secret second family went missing. When his two lost children are finally found, he learns they suffered years of unthinkable abuse. Ready to make things right, David brings the kids home even though it could mean losing the wife he can’t imagine living without. 
Keeping his life together becomes harder when the new children claim to be dark wizards. David believes they use this fantasy to cope with their trauma. Until, David’s wife admits a secret of her own—she is a dark wizard too, as is David, and all of their children. 


Now, David must parent two hurting children from a dark world he doesn’t understand and keep his family from falling apart. All while dealing with the realization that everyone he loves, including himself, may be evil.


 
Available on Amazon and Barnes&Noble

Add it on Goodreads!

 

About the Author

Sharon Bayliss is the author of The December People Series and The Charge. When she’s not writing, she enjoys living happily-ever-after with her husband and two young sons. She can be found eating Tex-Mex on patios, wearing flip-flops, and playing in the mud (which she calls gardening). She only practices magic in emergencies.

 

Website  |  Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Goodreads  |  Pintrest






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Watched


the closer you step to the edge

people notice

but you have to be careful

with that

because it

can go both ways

you’ll be watched

either way

but you

never know

if someone is

going to save you

so if you gonna do it

you better be doing it

for yourself

because you want to

and not nobody else~Pen To Paper ~ A Poetic Journey © Kai Mann 2014