>Hiatus

>I had to go on a Hiatus.
I had to leave life for a minute.
God sat me down so he could talk 2 me.
I was moving 2 fast. Everything else was important, but wasn’t.
I had to learn that I can’t help & be there for anyone else if I ain’t okay.
If I can’t be there for me, I can’t be there for anyone.
I need to be okay. I need to be able 2 take care of me.
I need to be able 2 hold “me” down.
I needed to make my palace in “my” very own Kingdom.
I need 2 make me safe before I can make anyone else safe.
I had 2 get 2 know me.
What I like, what I want, and how I want it.
Some lessons are hard.
I must’ve been hard of hearing because the way he sat me down was mildly severe. I had 2 sit in my own stink. I had to open my head & heart up. I had 2 do a replay over my life. The funny part is that I could look back and see every mistake. It was horrible because it was blatant. I sat in a room for about 2 weeks with 4 walls for at least 15 hours a day. I prayed, I cried, I read, I wrote, I felt, and I hurt.
When I had examined me I realized that I didn’t like the me I was becoming. I love me now. I want 2 take care of me because I like me. I feel like I need 4 things to be 4 and about me. Anyone who loves me should understand. I had been about everyone else, making sure that they were happy. Whatever they needed & I wasn’t okay. I ended up losing self, gained a little of it back & lost it again. I am a beautifully & wonderfully made Creature. I like that I can be smooth as silk & as silly as throwing my head back & roarin’ with laughter. I like it when I’m dancing and I no longer see other people but I am in a different place; just me and the person I’m dancing with. I like dancing so hard for a short time & realize it was the best time I ever had. Not everything that lasts forever is the best. Sometimes we get the opportunity 2 experience things on a smaller scale. As God has chosen 2 sit me down I am learning 2 love me & who I am. I am alot. I have alot. God is about to bless me & he could only do that if I listened 2 him. I think more now. I have been blessed 2 have a good friend back with me and its been good. I am even looking at my Family. I stayed away so long that I hope that I haven’t severed any ties. God loves me, he loves me enough 2 spare me from me. I know that there is a better life for me. God showed me that I had become complacent where I was & it was time to step up. I am challenging myself 2 step up. I’m going 2 try it even if there’s a chance I might fail. I’m going to put myself out there & give everything a try & give it all I’ve got.
Taking a hiatus was not so bad….

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2 thoughts on “>Hiatus

  1. >Yes he does!!! and he has a habit of showing us where we are versus where we need to be and when we don't listen we think its something bad or drastic that is happening to us at that time but he always leds in the very direction we need to go! Peace & Blessings!

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