>I had to go on a Hiatus.
I had to leave life for a minute.
God sat me down so he could talk 2 me.
I was moving 2 fast. Everything else was important, but wasn’t.
I had to learn that I can’t help & be there for anyone else if I ain’t okay.
If I can’t be there for me, I can’t be there for anyone.
I need to be okay. I need to be able 2 take care of me.
I need to be able 2 hold “me” down.
I needed to make my palace in “my” very own Kingdom.
I need 2 make me safe before I can make anyone else safe.
I had 2 get 2 know me.
What I like, what I want, and how I want it.
Some lessons are hard.
I must’ve been hard of hearing because the way he sat me down was mildly severe. I had 2 sit in my own stink. I had to open my head & heart up. I had 2 do a replay over my life. The funny part is that I could look back and see every mistake. It was horrible because it was blatant. I sat in a room for about 2 weeks with 4 walls for at least 15 hours a day. I prayed, I cried, I read, I wrote, I felt, and I hurt.
When I had examined me I realized that I didn’t like the me I was becoming. I love me now. I want 2 take care of me because I like me. I feel like I need 4 things to be 4 and about me. Anyone who loves me should understand. I had been about everyone else, making sure that they were happy. Whatever they needed & I wasn’t okay. I ended up losing self, gained a little of it back & lost it again. I am a beautifully & wonderfully made Creature. I like that I can be smooth as silk & as silly as throwing my head back & roarin’ with laughter. I like it when I’m dancing and I no longer see other people but I am in a different place; just me and the person I’m dancing with. I like dancing so hard for a short time & realize it was the best time I ever had. Not everything that lasts forever is the best. Sometimes we get the opportunity 2 experience things on a smaller scale. As God has chosen 2 sit me down I am learning 2 love me & who I am. I am alot. I have alot. God is about to bless me & he could only do that if I listened 2 him. I think more now. I have been blessed 2 have a good friend back with me and its been good. I am even looking at my Family. I stayed away so long that I hope that I haven’t severed any ties. God loves me, he loves me enough 2 spare me from me. I know that there is a better life for me. God showed me that I had become complacent where I was & it was time to step up. I am challenging myself 2 step up. I’m going 2 try it even if there’s a chance I might fail. I’m going to put myself out there & give everything a try & give it all I’ve got.
Taking a hiatus was not so bad….
>I had to go on a Hiatus.