Repetition can be the creator or destroyer of our world. Our words on repeat reverberate the frequency of our now existence. Bringing life and death through the sound of manufactured utterances that control the future that becomes the now. The present of a moment designed between syllables traveling cords, vibrating through organs to break habits or to restore them. To give light to seeds sewn in darkness or to drown them in doubt, fear or despair. Fixating on mantras to edify build up and manifest or to delude, tear down and silence hopes and dreams by speaking into existence the state of your exacerbated heart reran daily on a consistent loop. It is the power of the eye or the lack there of that shapes our world. The seat of the mind’s eye to bring into forever our dreams or nightmares linguistically. Repetition, one side of the pole brings vibrations so high it transforms worlds into places unseen before, most beautiful in all its wondrous glory or the lowest of vibratory frequencies that lands you in hell. A place of purgatory within the mind between the spirit and soul. Choose ye this day which repetitive utterances you’ll speak consistently to create the world you say you want. Be sure to check in daily from moment to moment to see if they match and if they don’t continually say what you want until it does.


It’s always a blessing to be in a space where others outside of you know your value and take the opportunity to act upon it. To have someone send for you because they can. The moment you realize that someone sees your value is when you begin to notice the things they do to invest in you.  There is honor in that because you know that they value you. The goal should be, for me anyway, to be of value to others and the only way to really know that you are is if they tell you, show you or you can see your words in their actions. It might not even be directly what you said or did, but you know your words, deeds, or actions inspired it.

Keep Growing. Just now, I decided that I want to be an ascended master.

When you think of being your best, greatest, highest self, what are the first words that come to mind? For me I think of having the ability to operate at my highest level all the time no matter what, my word is “consistency”. That is what comes to mind for me. This has been the most difficult if I may be real honest.

It is easier being amongst those that get you. Those that inner stand just who you are and don’t just get it, but love “it”. The more honest we are about ourselves the more like minds we attract to us. We must not focus on those that mind who we are. Don’t be frightened that your Tribe won’t come. Life is a blessing and the more you allow yourself to experience it (all of it) then you’ll always be in the right place at the right time.

This past weekend was something for the books. I got to enjoy first and foremost, and work with this amazing couple shown in the picture above. I am always honored to have them in my presence. I get to sit at the feet of living legends. I am so, so, so, very honored and proud to be in intimate spaces with these two. The conversations are so rich, authentic and most of all genuine. I sought out maybe 7 years ago a tribe of people after watching, listening and feeling the types of energy I felt were most needed in my immediate life and it wasn’t very many, but it was enough to help me on this journey and I on the other hand would do the same in return. I’m not looking for excuses when things don’t go as one would think but I’ve learned that it is all good for learning. And when you pay attention, you can do so much more. I am grateful for these two right here. The food was delicious from the beginning to the end. The physical food and the Spiritual food. The energy reciprocated was off the charts. I am HONORED and blessed to say that you both are my TRIBE. Thank you for your hospitality it was soul feeding.

Downloads come at such beautiful times. This weekend my Tribe asked me how I will receive downloads and I told her that I’ve already started. They started that night is what I told her but they actually started Friday while waiting at DFW Airport to board my next flight to their home. It’s amazing how the Universe offers you things to be grateful for out of the blue. This weekend was beautiful. Our kinship went to another level in this Tribal family.

Downloads will allow you to see something deeper than you’ve ever seen before. You know you can control how you feel about things right?

There really aren’t any rules to the game you really can just make it up as you go along. You could allow yourself to be in the flow and not resist its direction. You could just be succumbing to life’s sway.  In a positive way. It’s a shame I have to say that (in a “positive” way), we should all believe in and expect good things to happen to us and for us and not have to add the word “positive” we should just expect that it is. And because of us sometimes. We made the best decision, and it pays off. We have Intuition all the time trying to tell us which way to go. I believe some of us just want to go our own way and ain’t nothing wrong with that. This here is your choice so it’s “all” your own way. If it’s getting you the results you require, then who am I or anyone else for that matter to say anything. But if there’s no clear reward then maybe you should try something different.

I like conversations where they can just flow. They flow back and forth, in and out. They tell stories never before heard and they deepen a connection with every word. I feel the ground shifting underneath me, but I am grounded and that makes me happy. We are on the threshold of something new and I feel the light from its beauty. It’s going to be gooodddd! Anyway, I took a different path. But I’m not going back. Downloads are beautiful. They allow you to see things from a place of growth and evolution and it makes you feel good. How do you receive downloads?

9 Years on WordPress

Thanks for the reminder WordPress. I’ve been writing for years. I remember starting out on blogspot and moving over here to WordPress.

Lately I’ve been speaking with some amazing individuals about the lack of representation of those doing the in-between work. The work between reaching a new level and mastering it. I’ve requested of them to share their experiences to assist others on the same road or path. Some people want to be done before showing the results and that’s okay too, but what I believe is that some of us are visual learners and learn best from seeing someone else do “it”. Whatever” it” is. Spirituality, learning growing, teaching, or whatever; it’s usually ‘messy’ and ‘chaotic’. A time of unknown and uncertainty. Where you look like a kindergartner in 9th grade. And of course you feel uncomfortable unsure if you belong or are supposed to be there. It’s usually a pretty chaotic time. The chaos is usually not shown. It’s kept away from the public eye. Especially not in real time. The looking crazy as you grow through all of the lessons physically and mentally, some having to be repeated because although the message was clear you chose to take a different route. Simply put, some people have to be the ones to be the example. Be vulnerable and open up so that those on the same path may be able to get answers to questions they need, see how something didn’t or did work for you. We are all teachers and students. There’s no room for ego here. I share a lot on my blog’s website. My spiritual journey has been filled with evolving situations. The Universe has required multiple transformations of me. I will never be the same and wouldn’t want to. On my website I share my experiences because I believe in global healing.


I have always felt like I was a messenger and so were my children. I’ve always had a spiritual inclination. Always perceptive of things of the spirit ever since I can remember. For the past 16 years I have been breaking myself open to grow and evolve. At every stage there has been difficulty but always a willingness to continue to learn, grow and move on (sometimes we can become complacent and stay one place too long). So, it’s important to be present and move on when it’s time. I take everything as a sign because I believe the Universe is truly conspiring to help us and it does it ‘Your’ way. However it is that you learn, it brings you what you need, want and ask for, to you the way that you learn. I am into spirituality, so I watch things spiritual; like YouTube videos that talk about spirituality or listen to binaural beats, read books about herbs and astrology, smudging and palo santoing (LOL) not a word but you understand. So, Source speaks to me through those channels. I was getting ready to meditate on Tuesday just after I had showered and as I was coming out of the bathroom trying to find some binaural beat to meditate to: the video below came up. I was like “Uhhh, (smacking my teeth together on the left side) I don’t want to meditate off of that. So, I kept scrolling and something kept (well, Source) kept leading me back to meditate from the first video that I didn’t want to meditate from. I said “Okay” because I try to honor (9 times out of 10) how I’m feeling and what’s coming into my field of vision. I believe that when we are in alignment with “All”, “Everything” whatever frequency we’re on there seems to be an energy that guides us on that frequency and when it is time it says, “Come up a little bit higher”. Well, I said all of that to say that I want to share something with you. I want to share these two videos because they are helping me, and I thought maybe they could help you too.

I almost said this ain’t for everybody but that is untrue. Wisdom is for everybody. I put it here because I know that those who were really looking would find it. My meditation was beautiful. I was looking for some instruction because I know everything comes with instructions you don’t just have to learn ‘everything’ by yourself. Some things you can see if someone else knows about it if you’re looking for help and I was looking for help. I am so very grateful. (That whole conspiring thing is true…Thank you Universe)


When you’re moving in higher spaces there are new things about yourself that you’re going to learn. Just know that when it comes, it’s going to be uncomfortable at first. It’s that part of you that is being called to go further, to get deeper, and to climb higher. Part of it will be the work you’ll have to do. The other part is not knowing what to expect and when. Allow it to become uncomfortable until it’s not.

Allow yourself the uncomfortability of you finding out who you are at your core. Things that you didn’t know about yourself and do not like. When someone brings it to your attention it feels like they’re picking on you when they’re not their goal is to assist you in growing. Breaking through the dirt is not an easy task and it isn’t comfortable. These situations are allowing your roots to thicken; allow your feelings to be hurt. Allow the sting of it as those things about you that you don’t like to hear about, that when it comes up again you can say “Yeah, I remember that used to trigger me hearing your say that. Now it doesn’t bother me at all. I think I’ve mastered that.”

Self-Awareness is uncomfortable but the more you know about yourself the more comforting you feel. The more you’re able to gain access to higher doors because you know who you are and who you are not.


Year Nine, The End of A Cycle

This post sat in my drafts since November 2021.

2021 has been my personal year of Nine. The year 9 represents the end of a nine-year cycle. A time to liberate one’s self from all unnecessary people and things in your life. A time to clear out and release bad memories, ideas, clothes, material things and bad friends. Since 2012 I have been in a cycle of “Letting Go”. Letting go of relationships, jobs, behaviors and a few other things. Some things I wasn’t sure I was ready to let go of but they in turn let go of me. But, for most of these nine years I realize that I had been doing this unconsciously.

Somewhere below the surface I had been tired. Unsure of where to go or what to do next something inside of me knew that it was time to go to the next phase, but I didn’t know what that even looked like. Sometimes that meant me holding on to things that I no longer wanted, not sure if I was really ready to do something different so there I sat. If I tell you that I’ve transformed more times than most people do in a lifetime it really wouldn’t do me or my life justice, but I have. It is not because of boredom, but a need to move with the waning tide that rolls within me. It’s cyclical and I can feel it. I begin to feel challenged by certain aspects in life which then makes me contemplate if this is still the road I need to be on. My creativity dies or the fire that was once lit goes out. Mostly it feels like being on a train that’s pulling into your next station and you feel like you want to get off but you’re not sure if you should. What I am learning is to trust when I begin to feel this way that it is most definitely time for me to get off. Boy, being a Scorpio is not for the faint of heart.

When I gaze into the rear-view mirror of my life, I can see that I was born to “let go”. There has been a sense of detachment ever since I can remember. When I started studying my birth chart, I could see why I felt this way. I understand my detachment, why I have a need to clear out my closets, why I get tired during certain times of the year, why I tend to be the pack leader, why things move me so and why I’m an introvert.

Sometimes when we need to let go, we don’t because we don’t know how, or we’re afraid of making the wrong move. I didn’t really know how to let go but the Universe caught on to my frequency and most of the things began to fall away. Now, here I sit.

This Too Is A Part of Self Care

If you’re going to get ‘real’ with yourself, you must get naked to do so. That’s the only way to get a good look.

Every 7 years or so like clockwork, “It’s time to change”.  I had been asking source to lead me higher or deeper whichever is next.  My higher self whom I love dearly challenged me to take my clothes off and to really give myself a good look. So, I did. I got naked and looked at myself. I had never done this before.  What I saw shocked me. Instantly I began to criticize parts of me and realized, “Oh my god have I done this to anyone else?” instantly judging someone else’s appearance. I instantly felt how it must’ve felt.  I began to look even deeper at my body folds, where they folded, the skin where it was not as tight as it used to be.  I looked at some form of muscles that for some reason has decided to hang in there from years ago when I was working out almost every day. I say to myself “All I need to do is work out again consistently”.  Then, I saw myself soft, I saw myself hard, I saw me aging and then I saw myself “Beautiful”.  Then, I too saw myself “woman”. I saw myself “mother” and I said, “This is what’s been carrying me around this whole entire lifetime.” I began to smile. I look at all of me. I pose in full length and begin to laugh. Smiling and being grateful for what I saw because I am still here.  But I look at me and begin to love me on a deeper level. Love every inch and understand why the need to be naked as I was. It was necessary for me with open eyes to see all of me. 

I began to innerstand that there are levels to looking at yourself, to everything really. In all things, you must consider where you are. And I couldn’t do it, consider where I was, until I really looked at myself to see where I had been. There are times when you gotta go deeper and in order to do so you’ve gotta take off all of the layers that you’ve accumulated during this lifetime. You got to let go of things people did to you that hurt you. You have to let go of self matrydom. And all the things that stop you from learning from each layer without putting it on and wearing it like the guy did in the Silence of the Lamb.

  I would say that I hope this is my last layer but too afraid that if it is what’s next. But at the same time if this is the last layer maybe it’s time to manifest from all the layers (lessons) that I’ve taken off. It’s funny when you begin to realize that it was you that was holding you back. Putting on or wearing things that didn’t fit because you were running from who you were.  I looked so deep at myself that I saw that I had hated the way I was because it seemed to not work for me, so I became the total opposite.  Seemingly I had convinced myself that I had spent my life looking out for the other person that this time I was going to look out for me and overly corrected. Boy, I tell you it’s like driving an 18-wheeler and having to make a U-turn in the middle of the highway.

When you’re looking at yourself, the judgement that initially ensues comes from a multitude of experiences. It’s partly how you were raised. My mom used go to weight watchers, but I never really saw her exercise. She was an avid dancer but that was on weekends. She was always on a diet it seemed but without change of diet or exercise. But I knew that she hated her body even if she never said it. During school, anyone who was a little heavy were looked at differently. Funny thing is now I’m asking myself “Is that really true?” I realize that’s what growth looks like. Like you are facing yourself in the mirror getting eye to eye and challenging the old you to come out from under there so that we can move forward. And so, I do, and I am glad and feeling healthier than ever.

I am so glad that I took the time to take care of myself.

Why You Can’t Let Go

You thinking about how it’s time to go to the next level and you wondering why it’s taking so long. You wonder why it’s not moving faster. You think about how you feel it pulling on you but you’re still sitting there stuck. Stuck like you still wearing an old summer outfit that’s two inches too small and it’s deep into winter. You holding on to it and afraid to let it go. The Universe is moving you into another place. The scenery is changing but you still holding on to the way it used to look scared to let go. You say you want that and you thinking you do, and that your feet are moving towards it; then you realize they’re not. I hate to repeat stuff. But you have to until you get it. But sometimes you wonder is it really me or is it something slowing me down. Is it that I know this level is going to call for something greater that I don’t have? Well at least not yet. We get afraid of what we’ll look like sometimes if we made that next step. To ourselves and others. You try to hang on because you said it’s what you want and you’re thinking you’re taking the step, but you look down and your feet aren’t moving still. You think why am I hanging on. You feel you are moving and you’re not because it’s ‘your’ feet that’s not moving. There’s no one in the way. It’s just you. You ask yourself if you are slowing down. Are you tired of this process and taking a moment to breathe so that you can get your head back in the game? Are you taking the time? Or is the Universe making you? Is it making you because you’re missing something and it’s not your turn to go yet? So, you look around for the next lesson because you know it’s coming and it does, you believe you get it and you’re still here…why?

Your Body feels like it’s no longer yours. It feels different. Your thoughts are changing, you feel your toes and your heart. They tingle. You begin to understand things differently. I believe that’s called “experience” but some of us never realize that’s what it is and calls it game “over”.

It’s only when you get to the space that you’re so uncomfortable that you begin to let everything go because it begins to be painful that you begin to open your hand to release cause you realize that if you don’t nothing else can come. You’ll be here forever. Been here before. Did I say that I didn’t like to repeat myself? Earlier I was writing this on my phone and went to get my laptop. I came back and closed almost everything on my phone, and it was so good because it was my first thoughts– raw, awakening, peaceful and filling to have it deleted. I usually copy and paste periodically when I write on my phone so that I don’t do that very thing but hey. I can’t keep worrying about it. I got to keep going. You have to be able to get the lesson and use it. That’s how I learn but if I don’t get it, I repeat it until I do. Sometimes you go through things and can clearly see what the problem is but then you have to take it a step further and figure out “why” or you’ll repeat it cause that’s the obvious answer. You aren’t doing it now and if maybe you do something different you can move on into the next phase. I want to say that I don’t remember this ever being this hard. But is it hard because it’s been a long ass time? I was about to go into a long ass story. “It was 1919 (blah blah blah) type of story…Just as soon as I did, I understood that’s the problem. The Story. It would be difficult if I didn’t remember when they are, but this is that space where it’s about to get uncomfortable and I don’t’ know what it’s going to look like. So, I start trying to replace fear with actual pictures of what I want it to look like and create the feeling of it as good things happen, excite me or make me feel like that’s what I want all of the time for the rest of my life. I take mental notes and then lean back and take a real deep breathe in. I’m just trying to be this write here (and I do mean ‘write’). I love this space. I could just sit right here.

Hey, what you doing? Nothing, just repeating myself.

Ramblings/Musings by kai mann

I’d Like to Stick Around for a Moment

So, when it’s all over I’d like to stick around for a moment more just to be able to hear the last words they’d say about me.

I pray my words, deeds and actions have been the very best and that things I’ve done in life that mattered most had an amazing effect on you. Not in a selfish way, but in a way that we both grew a little if not much. That our interactions were once of growth where we both won because of the experience. When it’s good, your learning and teaching at the same time. That is such a good balance and takes you much higher faster when you learn that. (😉That’s a hint by the way.)

Learn from everything and teach or share what you are learning. You might be helping someone else at the same time.  The goal is for us to be happy as we learn this process. And remember, ego don’t have anything to do with this. 

I wonder what good they’d say about me when I’m no longer here.

I’d Like to Stick Around for a Moment

So, when it’s all over I’d like to stick around for a moment more just to be able to hear the last words they’d say about me.

I pray my words, deeds and actions have been the very best and that things I’ve done in life that mattered most had an amazing effect on you. Not in a selfish way, but in a way that we both grew a little if not much. That our interactions were once of growth where we both won because of the experience. When it’s good, your learning and teaching at the same time. That is such a good balance and takes you much higher faster when you learn that. (😉That’s a hint by the way.)

Learn from everything and teach or share what you are learning. You might be helping someone else at the same time.  The goal is for us to be happy as we learn this process. And remember, ego don’t have anything to do with this. 

I wonder what good they’d say about me when I’m no longer here.