There are times when you have to be real with yourself. You must take hard looks at cycles that come up for you and ask “Is this a repeat of an old lesson I have yet to learn? ” And if it is, you must do something entirely different than you’ve ever done before. Repeating old, outdated patterns is not a trait of elevated consciousness nor is it enlightened. –Kai Mann
I feel like this season, like any, I need to take my awareness to a higher level. This season represents a space to understand where my patterns have kept me stagnant, held me hostage and could possibly doom me to repeat a life that renders me useless in the grand scope of consciousness. Recently a situation came up for me that felt familiar and as I was about to walk, way down deep into it, something said “Wait, this feels oddly familiar. ” I sat and thought “why?” then I began to remember the past circumstances where this very same situation seemed to play out in my life and the results of doing the same thing I was about to do yet again. I said, I cannot do this again. I realized that in my life I’ve played the savior to others and as someone who would save a drowning person that was trying to live, they end up killing you. Not because they wanted to but because they were trying to save themselves. We all know the scene where someone is drowning, and another person jumps in to help, and the drowning victim pulls the one saving them down in the water trying to hold on to them in order to breathe and then the one saving them dies. I’ve been in places like that out of water where I’ve gone in deep to help someone and I’ve suffered for doing so. Whatever I had I had given willingly, they took it not knowing my situation and it was all I had to give to them and to myself. (They never asked either, because they didn’t want to know, they didn’t care or they made assumptions that were untrue) I can count on both hands the number of times that I’ve repeated this pattern unconsciously throughout my life with different people. Now conscious, what I realize is that I didn’t have enough to assist us both and that there are many ways to help someone without causing harm to myself.
So, as much as I want to help people, I’m becoming more aware of my own situation. My awareness of where I am, what my limitations are and maybe this time the kind of help I give are things that I am not using or don’t need, or resources outside of my own that haven’t already been assigned a use. Things that don’t physically, mentally or financially cost me myself, my potential and experiences.
This past month has been one of looking at my past behaviors and coming to terms with the cycles of repetition that I have allowed on my path. One of my biggest frustrations this lifetime is repeating things that do not serve me. Things like this that have never served me because although you should feel good for helping others, for me when it had been all said and done, I was left too broken to be in a state of gratefulness. (Grateful for being able to help someone.) I came to realize too that in the spirit of helping others I was trying to do it at a time when trying to pull myself up to another level. This effort always brought me back down to the level I was trying to get away from. Then I came to really understand that sometimes you have to let people go. You have to leave them to their own devices or experiences and move on. Not because you don’t love them, or you don’t care but because you simply can’t. It’s hard because you want to be there for them like you’d want someone to be there for you, but you have to understand that sometimes the help people need, they cause. And just like you are becoming self-aware of your own patterns they have to become aware of their own and take action. And they can’t if you’re always there to help reacting from a state of co-dependency. Yes, I said it. Co-dependency. Notice I said every time I was about to step up, I had to realize too that maybe there was a type of fear of stepping up that I sabotaged my own self after a while. I am aware of the pattern and today, I no longer am willing to repeat that cycle, so I am steering clear of that situation and doing what I should’ve done all along for me, and that is, step-up!
Acting like you don’t know who you are, does not allow for real connection. It is surfacey. Some would say, we can’t ever be that open and vulnerable with other people, they may hurt you. I dare to ask, if there are more people that hurt you, then those that try to help, listen, lend a hand or support and encourage. If the answer is no, then why don’t we do it more often? If we allowed each other to feel us more through our genuine authenticity, our authentic nature, wherever. Meet each other at the place where you would lay down the copy of someone else you saw and emulated rather than walked in the true nature and essence of self, I guess first we must hear or have a picture of what that looks like because we can’t be what we can’t see; that’s why it’s hard to manifest. You have to be able to see yourself doing whatever that is and for a while just in case you have to be doing it for that long. So, being all of you attracts those that fit with your journey you’re on. It doesn’t mean it’s easier but that you have a true understanding of why your journey is like it is because mostly you made it that way, consciously or unconsciously. And you begin to walk the path without disdain because now you imagine yourself as a director and you made each scene like you envisioned and it all works for you even when it doesn’t the first or second time, but you don’t give up, because it’s building muscle memory of what works, and what doesn’t. Life is amazing like that. And for some of us, it happens longer, and some shorter, that’s why you have to know who you are and that you don’t need to have a more messy and uncontrolled life. Now, hey, if you like things all everywhere, and you don’t know where you’re going next, or you could see the life you want and build your life around that until it is happening for longer periods than it is not, who wouldn’t want that? Well, I do.
Fear speaks loudly when you don’t allow people to grow past your comfort zones. Finding fault with people who grow past your understanding, intellect, wisdom or ability to change grow and evolve says more about you than them. You must ask yourself “What am I afraid of? ”
There is no real consciousness without love. Hear me out. Consciousness means the awareness or perception of something. You cannot be aware or perceive a thing if you’re not willing to really look at it consciously. To fully be aware or to perceive something you must care enough to look deeper. That caring is love, and true love allows you to perceive something or someone deeper than its surface or physicality. So, The degree in which you are capable of love is equal to your level of consciousness. When I speak of love I’m not speaking of familial love but the ability to understand because of love. Love allows you to expand your level of consciousness. The conscious ability to love brings about the ultimate level of understanding. This is why “Love” is the 1st commandment or tenet in most religions. Because love doesn’t seek out to do harm. It doesn’t look for people to harm with words or fists. It understands humanity at a cosmic level. Love opens the door to consciousness allowing you to expand and experience life on a higher level. An example of higher level of consciousness through love is seeing the true nature of someone’s character or behavior and being able to see where it is coming from and understanding that it has nothing to do with you. That you need not take on the responsibility of their possible insults, or guilt from their words or their level of fear because fear is the opposite of love. When people are fearful that fear sometimes produces hate or insecurities. But through love and the understanding that everyone you come in contact with represents a version of yourself or what we call God. This is a higher level of consciousness that many people aren’t willing to go due to ego. But, this level however gives you an opportunity to see deeper within them or past their imperfections and neither want to cause them harm vocally, physically, emotionally or mentally. To do so puts you in Ego which makes you believe that you must say something negative about them or back to them if they have said something that could offend you to “show them who you are” or to “put them in their place” or “to let them know who they are messing with” because you don’t want them or anyone who might’ve heard them speak to you in that manner or tone to think that you’re weak. When responding doesn’t make you strong. It places you at their level, vibration and/or frequency. Most times it weakens your aura because it’s like arguing with a two year old, or someone who has mental deficits or lacks mental capacities. Your ability through love is able to understand that they are not fully aware or that they are vibrating on a low frequency and often makes you feel sorry or bad for them because they are in the stage of ignorance. That they lack the mental capacity to do something different or be something different but you don’t egoically feel bad to make them look ignorant. You just know that they are, ignorant.
Ignorance is the denial or inability to gain knowledge or truth. One’s ability to ignore knowledge or truth could be for a myriad of reasons and through love you understand that and that is what brings about a higher level of consciousness because you too understand a time when you might’ve been like them, ignorant and denying truth or knowledge.
Repetition can be the creator or destroyer of our world. Our words on repeat reverberate the frequency of our now existence. Bringing life and death through the sound of manufactured utterances that control the future that becomes the now. The present of a moment designed between syllables traveling cords, vibrating through organs to break habits or to restore them. To give light to seeds sewn in darkness or to drown them in doubt, fear or despair. Fixating on mantras to edify build up and manifest or to delude, tear down and silence hopes and dreams by speaking into existence the state of your exacerbated heart reran daily on a consistent loop. It is the power of the eye or the lack there of that shapes our world. The seat of the mind’s eye to bring into forever our dreams or nightmares linguistically. Repetition, one side of the pole brings vibrations so high it transforms worlds into places unseen before, most beautiful in all its wondrous glory or the lowest of vibratory frequencies that lands you in hell. A place of purgatory within the mind between the spirit and soul. Choose ye this day which repetitive utterances you’ll speak consistently to create the world you say you want. Be sure to check in daily from moment to moment to see if they match and if they don’t continually say what you want until it does.