I had a conversation like I haven’t had in a long time. If you knew me, you’d know that I love to listen to good conversation. I wonder for a moment where that person went, it’s been so long. I used to be a good listener and last night reminded me just how much I do love it. Listening to hear the experiences of others; pieces of their journeys shared from their lips to my ears. I always get something, mostly confirmation.
I woke up this morning after listening to the most wonderful and poignant, and sincerely relevant to this current time, conversation. A conversation so real that you couldn’t help but listen. We talked about a myriad of things but what was interesting to me was to hear how deficient some of us are. Not just that, but how there are those of us who aren’t deficient in that particular area have decided to keep going. Sometimes wanting to stop to pick a few people up but the higher you go you aren’t warranted to do so. My question was “why” why are we so deficient in our thinking and ultimate doing. Why are we prone to not seek, no, require of ourselves to do more. To do better. Although I ponder that question it was stated that people don’t know. They just say and do some of the darnedest things at the darnedest times because they don’t know any better. I chuckled in amazement as in disbelief but with careful thought you realize how sad it is that we don’t know when to say and do things in its most opportune times.
The time in which we were speaking of was during interviews. Not sure how we got on the subject but we began to talk about the things people say in interviews. So candid at times it’s almost personal. Like people don’t know where to draw the line. I wondered “Don’t they have to take a personal development class in school? Don’t they have to do mock interviews anymore?” (My mind going through a series of questions?) People can’t keep just going on like this. We know that we have to do something. We don’t always know what to do but we have to do more than just not do anything. We must learn to be more strategic in what we do and say, and when to do and say it. I don’t know any other way around that.
Just as quick as I had thought about the past I began to wonder why or when did we lose the ability to do so? Then my partner questioned our friends in asking “why not still hire the person because you could see how their street skills could benefit the office?” we were speaking of a young lady who we could tell was smart but she just wasn’t office ready from her tone to her gestures. Just then our dear friends both pointed out that we don’t always have time to stop and pick others up. At some point they have to do it themselves because the train is leaving the station and we don’t know how late they will be getting to the destination. Basically, she expects if she is hiring someone for a specific position that they come ready to fulfill all of the attributes of that position. She cannot sabotage the team for one.
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I posted last week how I was given the opportunity to speak to a group of young ladies. Well, during the conversation with them I asked “What is the best thing to do if I have an issue with her (pointing to their coach), talk to her or tell someone else?” Well, a couple of the girls said “tell someone else.” I then asked “Why” and one of the young ladies said “Well, wouldn’t that hurt her feelings?” I said what do you think would hurt more, me telling her (again pointing to their coach) and saying “There is something that you do that bothers me” or telling someone else, then she hears it from them and of course, have more maybe added to it?” I could see the light bulbs come on.
I told these young ladies that most of us are pretty much let go into the world without real lessons in how to be a friend so we emulate what we see others do. The awful part about this is that most of us continue to do the same when we become women.
Today, I got to thinking “When you talk behind someone’s back is it that you’re being nasty or that you really don’t want that person to know how you really feel?” The one thing that I told these young ladies is that when you tell someone how you really feel, you allow them the opportunity to fix the problem. If you don’t tell them, you don’t allow them to fix it. Giving someone the opportunity of knowing how you feel about something and even if they tell you that they can’t fix it, at least now you know that it’s something they can’t help or they don’t want to fix, either way you know the reason and you can move on from there. But in the grand scheme of things, why wouldn’t someone really try to fix something that you don’t like? It’s all about intentions. Do you want the problem to go away or not? Are you willing to fix it or not?
When we become our sister’s keepers we begin to treat each other with respect. We won’t seek to hurt each other with our words or actions. Of course, this will not happen overnight but the goal is to consciously give thought to how we should treat one another before we take action.
Today was an awesome day! But before I tell you about why it was so awesome I have to share with you my slip up. If you’ve been following my blog then you know that I am working to better myself so that I can become my sister’s keeper. First I have to tell you a little about me. I tell you it’s not really easy sharing my faults with people but in order for me to be better and do better I’ve got to put it all out there.
When I’m learning a new task I am the kind of person that can hear something once and I’ve got it; as long as it’s something that’s in my line of work. You don’t have to go into extra detail about why it should be done a particular way because more often than not I have an idea of why a task should be done a certain way. If someone is going into details with a long drawn out conversation my mind will go someplace else. I promise I don’t have adult ADD, I just have so much going on in my mind that it will say “Hey, we already know this” so it will choose to think about something else. When someone starts talking about something I already have an idea of my mind will change course. The saying take what you need and throw away what you don’t is true with my brain! LOL!
Well, here is the kicker. I have to remind myself that everyone is not like me. Sometimes when the shoe is on the other foot and I’m the one in the teaching mode I have to be more detailed and give more information. Sometimes this is hard because if I believe a person should already know this, I can get a little impatient. Today I realized that I can be a little condescending as well. Guess what? I had to pop myself with the rubber band and I also had to apologize for my behavior. I was being condescending to my sister and I felt it and although she didn’t say anything it was my job to not only recognize it, call myself out, and apologize for it. So that was today’s slip up!
Now, on to the awesomeness! A couple of weeks ago a co-worker who I’ve been talking to about my goal of becoming my sister’s keeper (the same one I was being condescending to earlier today) asked me to talk with her freshman volleyball team that she coaches. She said that she wanted me to talk to them because I’m always positive. (Maybe she didn’t really mean always) Anyway, she wanted me to talk with these young ladies because of the negative atmosphere that they were creating at practice. Some of the girls were non-supportive, talking about each other, and being mean to one another. When she asked me if I did speaking engagements I laughed because I thought she was joking but when she said she was serious, I agreed to do it. Although I’ve been speaking out loud in my car and around the house about what I would say to these young ladies for the past couple of days, I have to admit that I was a little anxious.
Before I left work and headed to the girls’ practice I prayed. I prayed that the Creator would give me the words to speak to these young ladies and to let them see him and not me. On the way there I was listening to the CD from The Gospel soundtrack. By the time I got to the girls practice I was ready. The words just flowed! I got down on the floor with them and as an ice breaker I asked them about the reality TV shows that they all had been watching and to tell me something positive from those shows. When I tell you that I was so proud of myself when I was done speaking with them that would be an understatement. I was so proud that the Creator chose me. Me of all people. The one who was condescending earlier. And the one who isn’t perfect. Talking with them confirmed for me that the Creator can use anyone. He could have chosen someone more articulate, or someone who specializes in these types of issues. But he allowed me to be the one and that’s why my day was so awesome!
Below is the song that I was listening to on my way to speak with the team.