I just wanted to share a little something. #KeepFighting
Sistahs where is the love, what are we doing to one another?
Spewing hurtful words and throwing out blanket statements mostly under cover
Looking each other in the eye and not speaking; just plain ole’ disrespect
I know you’re not security but it’s each other’s heart that you’ve got to protect
Loose lips quick to yell “I am a woman” but actions say “You’re a child”
Still being mean and hateful underneath a fake smile
Going hard on each other making it worse when other parties are involved
Taking murderous shots at one another’s lives like a mystery to be solved
Making grown up decisions with minds of an adolescent
Our age says “grown” but our motivation says “pubescent”
Hating on each other for things we are unwilling to do
Unyielding to bear each others cross or walk a mile in each other’s shoes
Stirring up pots with no spoon in hand to bear
Playing instigator because we don’t seem to care
Pitting one another against the other to get the action started
Not willing to be a Moses and remember why the Red Seas parted
Showing our young girls that it’s better to fight each other
Especially for your man or some piece of a brother
Instead of teaching when they fight they should be standing side by side
Standing up for new causes like that of sisterly pride
Teach them to love one another because we’re all that we’ve got
To support one another because each of us individually rocks
To honor one another because each of them hold the keys
That if they stuck together none of them would have any needs
Sistahs let’s find the love and stop doing bad things to one another
Let’s change the game and begin to be each other’s cover
I posted last week how I was given the opportunity to speak to a group of young ladies. Well, during the conversation with them I asked “What is the best thing to do if I have an issue with her (pointing to their coach), talk to her or tell someone else?” Well, a couple of the girls said “tell someone else.” I then asked “Why” and one of the young ladies said “Well, wouldn’t that hurt her feelings?” I said what do you think would hurt more, me telling her (again pointing to their coach) and saying “There is something that you do that bothers me” or telling someone else, then she hears it from them and of course, have more maybe added to it?” I could see the light bulbs come on.
I told these young ladies that most of us are pretty much let go into the world without real lessons in how to be a friend so we emulate what we see others do. The awful part about this is that most of us continue to do the same when we become women.
Today, I got to thinking “When you talk behind someone’s back is it that you’re being nasty or that you really don’t want that person to know how you really feel?” The one thing that I told these young ladies is that when you tell someone how you really feel, you allow them the opportunity to fix the problem. If you don’t tell them, you don’t allow them to fix it. Giving someone the opportunity of knowing how you feel about something and even if they tell you that they can’t fix it, at least now you know that it’s something they can’t help or they don’t want to fix, either way you know the reason and you can move on from there. But in the grand scheme of things, why wouldn’t someone really try to fix something that you don’t like? It’s all about intentions. Do you want the problem to go away or not? Are you willing to fix it or not?
When we become our sister’s keepers we begin to treat each other with respect. We won’t seek to hurt each other with our words or actions. Of course, this will not happen overnight but the goal is to consciously give thought to how we should treat one another before we take action.
Today was an awesome day! But before I tell you about why it was so awesome I have to share with you my slip up. If you’ve been following my blog then you know that I am working to better myself so that I can become my sister’s keeper. First I have to tell you a little about me. I tell you it’s not really easy sharing my faults with people but in order for me to be better and do better I’ve got to put it all out there.
When I’m learning a new task I am the kind of person that can hear something once and I’ve got it; as long as it’s something that’s in my line of work. You don’t have to go into extra detail about why it should be done a particular way because more often than not I have an idea of why a task should be done a certain way. If someone is going into details with a long drawn out conversation my mind will go someplace else. I promise I don’t have adult ADD, I just have so much going on in my mind that it will say “Hey, we already know this” so it will choose to think about something else. When someone starts talking about something I already have an idea of my mind will change course. The saying take what you need and throw away what you don’t is true with my brain! LOL!
Well, here is the kicker. I have to remind myself that everyone is not like me. Sometimes when the shoe is on the other foot and I’m the one in the teaching mode I have to be more detailed and give more information. Sometimes this is hard because if I believe a person should already know this, I can get a little impatient. Today I realized that I can be a little condescending as well. Guess what? I had to pop myself with the rubber band and I also had to apologize for my behavior. I was being condescending to my sister and I felt it and although she didn’t say anything it was my job to not only recognize it, call myself out, and apologize for it. So that was today’s slip up!
Now, on to the awesomeness! A couple of weeks ago a co-worker who I’ve been talking to about my goal of becoming my sister’s keeper (the same one I was being condescending to earlier today) asked me to talk with her freshman volleyball team that she coaches. She said that she wanted me to talk to them because I’m always positive. (Maybe she didn’t really mean always) Anyway, she wanted me to talk with these young ladies because of the negative atmosphere that they were creating at practice. Some of the girls were non-supportive, talking about each other, and being mean to one another. When she asked me if I did speaking engagements I laughed because I thought she was joking but when she said she was serious, I agreed to do it. Although I’ve been speaking out loud in my car and around the house about what I would say to these young ladies for the past couple of days, I have to admit that I was a little anxious.
Before I left work and headed to the girls’ practice I prayed. I prayed that the Creator would give me the words to speak to these young ladies and to let them see him and not me. On the way there I was listening to the CD from The Gospel soundtrack. By the time I got to the girls practice I was ready. The words just flowed! I got down on the floor with them and as an ice breaker I asked them about the reality TV shows that they all had been watching and to tell me something positive from those shows. When I tell you that I was so proud of myself when I was done speaking with them that would be an understatement. I was so proud that the Creator chose me. Me of all people. The one who was condescending earlier. And the one who isn’t perfect. Talking with them confirmed for me that the Creator can use anyone. He could have chosen someone more articulate, or someone who specializes in these types of issues. But he allowed me to be the one and that’s why my day was so awesome!
Below is the song that I was listening to on my way to speak with the team.
It may sound crazy but one morning I woke up with the words I Am My Sister’s Keeper seemingly etched in my brain. I told my partner how that I wanted to watch the thoughts and the words I used towards my sisters. I wanted to consciously think positive thoughts about them and how I wanted her to join me. (She probably thought that I was crazy because I literally woke up out of my sleep talking to her about this as I got of bed that morning.)
If you’ve read my poetry or any of my writings you could probably come to some conclusions about me: that I am forever working to improve myself. A couple of weeks ago I began to recognize how I am my sister’s keeper and how it is up to me to be mindful of that responsibility. I came up with the idea that I would do the same thing that author Versandra Kennebrew did in her book Thank God for the Shelter.
For two weeks now I have been wearing a rubber band around my wrist. The idea of wearing the rubber band was to be a reminder of every time I thought a negative thought about one of my sisters, said something negative out loud, or even acted in a negative way toward one of my sister; I would pop myself with the rubber band. I didn’t realize that although I may not consistently say negative words regarding my sisters out loud, I had some negative thoughts, and every time that I did, I would pop myself with the rubber band. (Let’s just say, I am not as HOLY as I thought I was…LOL)
I’ve always thought myself to be a pretty positive person. I know that I never wish anyone any harm but I realized that some of my actions were harmful, even if the recipient, my fellow sister never even knew it; I did. I wanted to have a clear conscious about my sisters because I don’t know any of their stories, why they act as they do, the journey that they’ve been on, or even the fights they’ve had to fight.
I had no idea that even my words to my partner whom I was sure thought I was crazy and would not join me on this journey but the following day she told me that she indeed had. I must say that I was very proud of the fact that she not only heard what I said but she listened and joined in. She would later tell me that on her first day she was having a bad day at work and had told a co-worker what we were doing. She told her co-worker that she was upset and even though she was not supposed to say anything negative, she began popping herself with the rubber band because she knew that she was about to. I laughed hard when she told me this because I could feel her pain.
In the upcoming days and weeks I will share some of the things that I had to pop myself with the rubber band to remind myself that I was not being a good steward over my sisters. Some of these things I would do prior to this task without a second thought. I hope that you’ll want to read more. If you do, subscribe to my blog so that you’ll receive an email every time that I post.
Peace and Love…