Vanessa Lynn- Conversations With Kai Mann


Tonight we have one of the most honest and bold conversations of the season. Join us on the couch as we talk with writer, producer, visionary, and motivator Vanessa Lynn of the hit stage play “Unequally Yoked”. Watch Conversations With Kai Mann Wednesdays by visiting http://www.watchthelivenetwork.com at 7pm EST. Vanessa Lynn

http://vanessalynn.info

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Twitter: @converskaimann

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Executive Producer: Kai Mann Producer: Lenderrick Jones Creative Director: Yahminah McIntosh

Music: Sunny Day [audioblocks] audioblocks.com

Healing From The Past- Part 3


As I move deeper into this journey my passion to seek a higher me has escalated to deepening and widening my search. I have been meditating more, reading the Bible as well as different books , listening to YouTube videos on the law of attraction (Abraham-Hicks), and watching Documentaries about spirituality. I am determined to find a way to tap more into the inner me so that I may begin to live from a point of abundance. This is my nature and has always been a part of my life in some way, shape, or form. I am a seeker of self, and always willing to go higher, but this time it’s different.

There are 4 more days until my birthday and usually during this season I am contemplative as a practice. But what I have come to understand is that this contemplative state that I have been pursuing has been going on now for about five years. The need to find a deeper meaning to who I am, my purpose and how to move into the next dimension of my life has me on a journey of miraculous growth and evolution. I’ve sat in thought and mulled over these past couple of years and asked myself “When do you think that you started this transition” only because I was thinking the process was taking too long. It is, but it is okay. You see, in past times I have been able to get the lessons quicker but now it takes more time than usual to get to the root of who I am, helping me to bring out the core. If I could soak my soul into the very lessons that I am learning and have it to become sheer manifestation I would but it will take more than that. If my intentions became like air that one breathes without thought I will have tamed and mastered the beast that is me.

I have come to believe that the lessons are different this time because this is not a transition or move from one level to the next, this feels as if I am moving from one dimension to the next. My emotions are fluctuating in as much as I feel like I’m winning one day and maybe feeling the uncertainty that can make you feel overwhelmed the next. Having feelings that can make one seem immature or even lost at times can break open your spirit. We think that we know ourselves but who we are changes, grows, and evolves as we move through different terrain. Never having gone this way before there seems to be no real GPS except to say, “Now go this way” at the exact point of the turn. Who I have believed myself to be has been challenged to the point of asking “Who am I now”.  Currently when I look in the mirror I see a different me spiritually, mentally, and physically. I’m not willing to turn back though. I find the courage with each step to keep moving forward feeling like I am walking in the wilderness. The forest is thick with barely enough light, but I know it is coming soon so I keep moving. I am determined to let go and shed my old self but honestly, the emotionality of it all is vast. Holding up mirrors to oneself and having the courage to not look away as you discover the truths to the past and your now experience makes you long for the future. However, I am learning to love the contrast that is before me even though at times it can be painful. Soul opening to be exact, but I recognize the reasons for its nature to insist that I evolve. Growing pains aint’ got nothing on this but I’d wouldn’t change any of it for I know when it is over I will be “new”.

 

 

Healing From The Past -Part 2


Dealing and Healing
They say that in order to heal you first have to deal so I took a look at the cards I had dealt myself over the past 20 years and honestly, I saw some things that I didn’t like. Although this began 20 years ago I still had to look at those experiences because they were effecting my now and the infinite possibilities of my future.  The best part about this is that even though I had lots of time alone, I wasn’t really alone. On the road to dealing there was a beautiful spirit that was by my side to help me navigate the terrain I was embarking upon. And without judgment she offered me a beautiful space to rest from my weary travels and to unpack all the bags I had been carrying. This has been the most candid that I have been with myself and with someone else. From the beginning she and I would vow to do something different in the relationship that we hadn’t done in others which was to be honest, and to tell each other everything. So we did, and when I did she would go in deep asking tough questions that at times I wasn’t even sure I had answers to.  Patiently she would wait while I went back to that time to enlist thoughts I might’ve been thinking bringing out some truths that were difficult to chew on let alone swallow.  However, she offered me bite sizes while providing me with love and support and encouraging me when I needed it most. When she or I were sharing our truths the thought of the one leaving the other because of it never crossed our minds. We knew what we wanted to build and we knew that it would take everything we had and neither of us was willing to settle for anything less than our best and we would do whatever we had to do to have it. After hearing my truth she asked questions like “Do you know why you would date someone who had children after your decision to leave yours behind?” assisting me in assessing some of the reasons as to why I made some of the decisions in relationships that I had made. “Do you believe that you were trying to recreate the family you once had or the one you wanted to have?” I would need rest after some of our talks because I would be so tired from digging so deep for hours that I would immediately go to sleep after hanging up the phone. We’d do this for almost two years meanwhile I would pray that I offered her the same amount of attention, love, and support in her growth and evolution that she allowed me.  And, in conversation she would tell me that I did.
This relationship was a true compliment to me in every area of my life so much so that I grew in areas that I didn’t even know I needed to grow in and my businesses took off because of it.  We would talk through schisms that we would have which in the beginning was difficult for me to do.  I never realized my lack of maturity in relationships and how my communication skills lacked and had to ultimately be taken to another level. She was no nonsense about our relationship and was not allowing us to sweep things under the rug or skip over any issue. She taught me to deal with them as they came so they would not affect us down the road.  Everything that I thought I knew about relationships was challenged; my relationship with myself, with my children, and with my partner. I felt like I was in the military (in basic training), everything that I thought I knew about myself seemed to be old news and had to be discarded. I was being deprogrammed from outdated thinking, reduced to a blank canvas, and all the new information that was left offered a foundation in which to build upon.
We have no idea how much the Universe conspires to help us. The Creator always sends you what you are ready for but often we don’t even know what we’re ready for especially when it looks like work. I had been sending out an S.O.S. for years and finally my ship came in and I was ready to board. While it was right in front of me of course I couldn’t just walk on I had to clean up some stuff, I had to reduce the baggage in my life once again, and I had to understand where it was that I had been so that I would have a clear vision for where it was that I was going. You see, you can get on any ship any day and go any where but to be aligned with the right ship at the right time is at its best a miracle and I believe that the Creator had done that in my life, performed a miracle.

Healing From The Past


I heard it so clear ” You’re not going to be able to move forward and help others until you first are able to help yourself.”
The reason I host a transformational internet talk show is because I too am transforming. I am in a perpetual state of transformation and this dimension of transformation has been the most difficult. Even still, I believe that I have finally found that one piece (peace) that will take me to the other side. Finally.
I have three suns that are now grown men that I did not raise. Not in the traditional sense. During their childhood we spent every Christmas, New Years, and a couple weeks during the summer together every year for ten years. This part of my transitioning into the next dimension has been the most difficult because as I have been dealing with certain things in my life this part has been the most eye-opening, hurtful, shameful, and even guilt ridden.  Although my children and I each have great relationships, and they have never judged me for leaving them with their father or not being there 24/7 it is I who have dealt with life the most internally regarding this decision.  Their love for me have never waned and the older they get we seem to get closer.
Two years ago I made a decision to let go of a Nine year relationship because I felt I was not growing. I felt in some way stuck and not because my partner at the time made me feel that way but because I understood that we were going in different directions and the relationship itself was not growing. Leaving this relationship allowed me to spend quite a bit of time alone. Something I hadn’t done since 2005 after being run over by a car. This time alone afforded me the time to once again look at myself; up close and personal and do some inside work.
Eight months into my alone time and working on myself my youngest came to live with me to get himself together.  I felt like this was a second opportunity to get to know each other more and to deal with some things from our past so again, I was willing to do the work.  The fun quickly dissipated as this was a daunting task, more than I had imagined but too there were loving spaces for us to enjoy as well. But I  had to admit  that again,I found myself in a tough space trying to heal with someone who is now grown.  For  fourteen months we lived together trying to coexist in a world we both were new to at different points in our lives. This best thing was that neither of us held any resentment of the other even though we were getting on each others nerves at times and we loved each other more than we got on each others nerves. We were learning, growing, and letting go of parts of ourselves that were no longer needed or effective in order to have a more functional relationship. During the times we talked I would find myself learning just how much I had missed out of his and his brothers lives. I felt guilty at best even though he wasn’t telling me so that I could, he would just tell me stories of things that he had lived, and I myself saw what he had endured because I was not there.
My sun moved out recently and we are at a great place. Even though some of it was tough it was one of the best experiences that I’ve had. It was so necessary for the growth of us both and helped us to be able to move forward in our purpose.  Not long ago his father came to town for a funeral and of course he stopped by to see my son, and then they both came to see me.  My ex-husband and I have always remained friends over the years as divorced mothers and fathers should in order to co-parent children. We also check in with one another from time to time as well. We all sat in my living room laughing talking about all of my suns, their lives, and what we’ve experienced. As I sat, listened, and watched the two of them together I realized two things; one I had made the right decision to leave them with their father because of their relationship; but the second was a little heartbreaking as I came to an even further conclusion of how much I had really missed out on my boys lives.  That night I would be happy and sad at the same time.  When they left my heart was a little heavy. It wasn’t heavy because I thought that I should’ve stayed in the relationship with their father but because I felt that maybe I should’ve stayed closer to them so that I did not miss them growing up, football games, and many firsts.
I allowed myself to feel these emotions and think about what could’ve been if I had not moved to a different state and remained physically closer to my children. I cried a little at the things that I had missed, time that was lost, and then asked myself questions, waited for the answers and listened to myself as I spoke. I knew it was necessary for me not to run from the answers and the things that I had done but to gain an understanding of what has happened, why, and how to move on and heal from them.
I have since reconciled my feeling with regards to that night, and our past. I believe that things happen for many different reasons and we should not relive them over and over but to work through them so that we can have a better future.

Dr. Shawn & More on The Live Network


This Wednesday at 7pm EST on Conversations With Kai Mann I sit down for a conversation of truth and healing with Dr. Shawn. Dr. Shawn is an LPC and Ph.D. Dr. Shawn talks love and relationships from introspective perspective. She opens up about her own life. and her journey of growth which helps us to also understand ourselves.

Set a reminder for Wednesday, August 9th at 7pm EST so that you don’t miss one of the best shows this season on the Conversations With Kai Mann show.

Missed any of the shows from the previous seasons. Don’t fret! Go to http://www.watchthelivenetwork.com and click on pages from the menu, and then shows and you can watch any of the previous episodes from any of the shows on The Live Network.

#thelivenetwork #convokaimann #talkshows #poetryshows #internettv #documentaries #docuseries#sportsshows #shortfilms #films #webseries #commercials #podcasts #radioshows #psa #filming#production #media #videography #videoproduction #love #relationships #therapy #growthmindset

Music: http://blocks.com Pulsing Hip Hop Strings
Author: unknown

Self Awareness- Carrying Past Hurts


Self-awareness begins with taking a deep, hard, long look at who you are from the inside out. It’s also about taking the time to know those things that have hurt you, shamed you, made you feel guilty, and understand the pain that you may still carry from those issues. When we don’t take the time to heal those past hurts we carry them as residuals to every place we go. Have you ever walked into a room and immediately felt like you didn’t belong? Not because the people weren’t like you but because you felt some type of low self-esteem. Sometimes it’s because we haven’t cleared up those negative energies that won’t allow us to feel like we’re worthy of the blessings that we have entered into. When we feel unworthy we walk in with our heads hanging down, or with nervous energy, anxiety, or just plain ole’ doubt or fear. In order to build your confidence, take the time to go through your past hurts, pains, shames, fears, and doubts with a fine tooth comb. Recognize them for what they were, understand why they happened, how you feel about them and begin to work through them so that you can move past them. It is imperative to work on these issues to help you the individual, but to also have a life-long brand that your self esteem and character can keep. If you don’t, trust me it will continue to affect how you walk into ‘any’ room, especially the ones you’ve got clearance to be in.
#selfawareness #selfimage #selfconfidence #selfesteem #shame #guilt #hurt #pain #lowselfesteem #negativeenergy #healing #healthyself #confidence #coaching #lifestrategy #lifestrategist #lifecoach #brandstrategy

InkMann Press Series ~ Divine Order


I’ve been taking a part my life lately and I can see how things would’ve been different if I chose a different path. Although I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve made some serious sacrifices, my belief is that the reward will be in line with my purpose. In the end I know that the fruit will bear witness to the sacrifice. As a matter of fact, I believe that my life is in Divine Order.

PicsArt_11-23-08.43.31

When I began to take a part the fabric of my life I saw first how I’ve moved in the world. I saw how I’ve mastered the skill of detachment. A gift given to me when I was about two years old and have since perfected.  Many people would not see being detached as a gift but a flaw. A character flaw no doubt because most people associate being detached with being aloof or an unloving act. That couldn’t be farthest from the truth. When someone detaches from you it doesn’t mean that they don’t love you, it just means there is something more at work.

When we realize that there is something more at work we can see that every one of us on the planet has a specific job to do.  Each job comes with different tasks as well as different set of skills needed to carry out the purpose or plan.  The job or purpose of some seems to lack value when you look at them individually, but when you take a look at it as a whole you’ll see that it is all part of a bigger plan.

There have been times when I for sure knew what the plan was and drove head long towards the mark. Then there were times that I felt like I was losing or as if what I was doing was wrong. But when I looked deeper I was able to see the vision with purpose in mind. The doubt has since subsided and now I am willing to look ridiculous to get something I’ve never had but I know that I want.

Since I’ve been dissecting myself, I’m finding the intricacies of how I work, and how I operate best. I could not have done this work without going within to that deep place inside.

In the beginning that deep place inside felt alone  and  I didn’t understand fully why it needed to be that way. Once I reconciled that I needed to be alone, I knew that I would have less distraction and could work on me and put my energy and focus into me. That’s when I began to feel differently. I sought the knowledge of self so that I could get back to self. The self I had lost through trial and error. While alone, I dealt with the things that could’ve left me scarred forever, feeling guilty and ashamed. Especially at times when I wasn’t as strong and positive as I had always appeared to be.  But, no matter how hard it was I was determined to do it. I was determined to deal with my issues for my future self and for the future people that would get to experience me because I now wanted to give my best self to the world.

As I sat many times before, I questioned what the best me would look like and what that person would have to offer. Then it came to me that before I could offer anything to the world, I first needed healing. Healing from all of the things that has happened to turn my world inside out, a healing that only comes from the core.  The kind of healing that you can only get from forgiveness. Not the forgiveness of anyone else but you. A required forgiveness from within.

Most of us hardly ever think to forgive ourselves for things that we’ve done to us; but we even forget to forgive ourselves for things that others have done to us, or things that we have allowed to happen to us. Most of all, we need to forgive ourselves for the things that almost destroyed us and kept us from moving to a new dimension. Once we have done that, then and only then can we start to become our best selves.

That too would not be easy. but the first step to forgiving was to deal with all of the issues. Although uncomfortable I had a need to get down to the core of the issue because I knew that issues that weren’t dealt with would cause discomfort. The mere fact that something would cause discomfort is a clue that I must not only look at it but I had to do my best to find a way through it. When I began to work through my issues I began to strengthen my core. My foundation worked to become rock solid because I always wanted to do my best.

Most people think Divine Order is a perfect life without mistakes or flaws but that is so untrue. Divine Order is a continual process that allows for mistakes as well as correction. Divine Order is the process in which it takes from conception until the return to spirit. It is all Divine Order since it all is of the spirit.

where there is LIGHT


where there is LIGHT

there is LOVE

there is warmth

a safe space

a time of healing

comes from light

energy focused on

shedding the old

to get to the new

we get distracted

just as we’re about to

see a bit of light

keep going

into the light

Evolve Stretch Grow

to get to the next Dimension

the funny part is

we’ve all got to go

or we’re not going to

make it

alone

Don’t be distracted by what

you’re uncomfortable with

fearful of

there’s no such thing

that can overtake you

open up to the light

let it in

illuminate your heart

show through

your skin

resonate in your being

and allow

others the same

walk in light

in peace

where there is LIGHT

there is LOVE

#KaiologyInk