Afraid


In the past

I’ve been afraid

Afraid to say “I need more”

thinking that you’d

think I was weak

Been afraid to be ‘happy’

thought I didn’t

deserve it

not really

I never said it

to myself

at least not out loud

but all of my

actions said so

carrying old wounds

scars

bruises

and

bites

like a wounded SOULjah

Every piece of negativity

stuck to me

but I wouldn’t

allow myself

to feel it

so I wore it

like a badge of HONOR

today I’m scraping off

dead skin

and picking sores

I know it sounds gross

it is

I’m letting myself

feel

and

deciding what I

want to do with that emotion

by evoking some

personal healing

“Heal thyself”

is all I

can think

of

it’s not easy though

you have to tell on

yourself

to yourself

be HONEST

and deal from a different

level

you gotta open yourself

more than you ever

have

checking with you

to see how you

feel

so you don’t

get lost

Been lost

a lot

too old for that

don’t have

long enough

for it

either

But I  now choose

“Happy”

I remind myself when I forget. ~ KaiologyInk

#Kaism #Kai2pointO

Watched


the closer you step to the edge

people notice

but you have to be careful

with that

because it

can go both ways

you’ll be watched

either way

but you

never know

if someone is

going to save you

so if you gonna do it

you better be doing it

for yourself

because you want to

and not nobody else~Pen To Paper ~ A Poetic Journey © Kai Mann 2014