Healing From The Past- Part 3


As I move deeper into this journey my passion to seek a higher me has escalated to deepening and widening my search. I have been meditating more, reading the Bible as well as different books , listening to YouTube videos on the law of attraction (Abraham-Hicks), and watching Documentaries about spirituality. I am determined to find a way to tap more into the inner me so that I may begin to live from a point of abundance. This is my nature and has always been a part of my life in some way, shape, or form. I am a seeker of self, and always willing to go higher, but this time it’s different.

There are 4 more days until my birthday and usually during this season I am contemplative as a practice. But what I have come to understand is that this contemplative state that I have been pursuing has been going on now for about five years. The need to find a deeper meaning to who I am, my purpose and how to move into the next dimension of my life has me on a journey of miraculous growth and evolution. I’ve sat in thought and mulled over these past couple of years and asked myself “When do you think that you started this transition” only because I was thinking the process was taking too long. It is, but it is okay. You see, in past times I have been able to get the lessons quicker but now it takes more time than usual to get to the root of who I am, helping me to bring out the core. If I could soak my soul into the very lessons that I am learning and have it to become sheer manifestation I would but it will take more than that. If my intentions became like air that one breathes without thought I will have tamed and mastered the beast that is me.

I have come to believe that the lessons are different this time because this is not a transition or move from one level to the next, this feels as if I am moving from one dimension to the next. My emotions are fluctuating in as much as I feel like I’m winning one day and maybe feeling the uncertainty that can make you feel overwhelmed the next. Having feelings that can make one seem immature or even lost at times can break open your spirit. We think that we know ourselves but who we are changes, grows, and evolves as we move through different terrain. Never having gone this way before there seems to be no real GPS except to say, “Now go this way” at the exact point of the turn. Who I have believed myself to be has been challenged to the point of asking “Who am I now”.  Currently when I look in the mirror I see a different me spiritually, mentally, and physically. I’m not willing to turn back though. I find the courage with each step to keep moving forward feeling like I am walking in the wilderness. The forest is thick with barely enough light, but I know it is coming soon so I keep moving. I am determined to let go and shed my old self but honestly, the emotionality of it all is vast. Holding up mirrors to oneself and having the courage to not look away as you discover the truths to the past and your now experience makes you long for the future. However, I am learning to love the contrast that is before me even though at times it can be painful. Soul opening to be exact, but I recognize the reasons for its nature to insist that I evolve. Growing pains aint’ got nothing on this but I’d wouldn’t change any of it for I know when it is over I will be “new”.

 

 

“Elevated Living” Interview with Jodi Luster


On Sunday, December 14th I was interviewed by Jodi Luster of Elevated Living on urbannationradio.com. Check out the audio of part 1 and 2 of this interview.

 

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It’s My Birthday


I don’t think it’s fair to know something that could possibly help someone else and you don’t share it.

What I learn should be shared so that we can start walking more to an enlightened state, rather that ‘base’ thinking we are all doing. I say doing because we post all these wonderful quotes and they’re just that  something someone quoted; we want to sound like we’re wise but our actions tell on us.

I’ve learned it’s not as easy to

walk the talk

but when you do

your life is better

it’s richer

and has more meaning

I learned to eat the meat

and spit out the bones

what’s for me I’ll get

and that life will come to

test you

and you have to know

what you believe in

and how you’re going

to defend that if need

be

I learned that it’s easier

to tell the truth

even though you know

some will be offended

I learned that the

initial shock is

not as bad

as it could be

if told later

I learned that friendships

take time

that we should say

who we are

in the beginning

so our energy

isn’t exasperated

over time

I learned that love is more

than words

it in all it’s forms of

authenticity

is a life force

that can’t be mined

by regret

I learned that you teach people

how to treat you

I learned to tell my truth

I learn to say

how I feel

in a way

so that you understand

Well,

those who are supposed

to will

those who don’t

won’t

I learned that when you love

someone to put your

heart out there

even when it has

been broken

but I learned that

because I learned

how to be

choosy

about who I

allow myself to

love

I learned to trust me

my feelings…..sometimes

make me hesitate

because I don’t

want to offend

but I learned that again,

you teach people how to treat you

when you give in

I learned that I can’t

love you

if I don’t love me

so when I let you

walk all over me

it’s because

I don’t love me

I learned sometimes,

that if it doesn’t mean

something big

I’ll let it slide

but when the

freebies goes unnoticed

and even unchecked

the intensity builds

up

to almost

explosions

I learned

that’s not important

for a lot

of people

but that’s okay too

just not for me

I learned that in order

to remain humble

I can’t always

look for the

praise

you have to keep doing

what got you

there

you have to learn

from it

build on it

and then give it

away…

 To see more you’ll have to purchase your copy of “Pen To Paper~ A Walk Into Destiny” It’s My Birthday Kai Mann © 2014

Real Love


You could let life’s trials

distract you into

sitting still

no longer

to get up

to move

forward

but to be stuck

those who love you

will never try to

hinder your progress

they know how important

it is so they

help you walk

at the times

you need it

most

reminding you of what’s ahead.

Real Love, Pen To Paper ~ A Walk Into Destiny Kai Mann © 2014

Again


It’s time for some upbeat

music

I’ve been solemn

far too long

I want to laugh

again

throw my head

past my shoulders almost

hitting myself in the

back

face toward

the ceiling

that was some good

ole’ laughter

not even

sure what

it was about

but I remember

how

it made me feel

I don’t ever remember

laughing like

that before

or since

but I know

that I want to laugh

like that

again.

~Kaiology

Kai Mann © 2014

#Kaism #Kai2pointO

 

Eclectic Thoughts


In order to get out alive

you have to have

something

spirit-filled

deep

inside

of

you

you have to open up

your soul

and let everything

out

even if you got a second

chance

would you want to take

it?

Don’t get me wrong

It’s not to say

that I don’t

love life

I do

but I don’t

want to keep

doing it over

I wonder what it was for him

all of us have it

but some of us

know how

to control

it

Those that hold on by a string

hold on a little bit longer

is all that I can

tell you

change the way

you think

no need to keep

getting the

same result

switch up

If I could help

someone

I will

Sometimes your soul

don’t want to

sometimes it’s hard

to tell if you

should

you want to hold on

just to see

but then

something

says

keep moving forward

you’ll get stuck

It’s a dilemma

because I don’t

always know

if it’s real

because if it ain’t

I gotta keep

moving ~ Eclectic Thoughts, Pen To Paper ~ A Walk Into Destiny © Kai Mann

#Kai2pointO

Play At Your Own Risk


 

We had some good times

we were at middle and high school dances

making up dances

In the back yard learning how to do back walk-overs

and front walk-overs

Farting

And  laughing

growing up

and it was beautiful

Those were some good ass

times

I miss that

I seemed happier

and I wonder why

I wonder if that was the last time

that I was myself

I remember I used to dance

it was like a trance

we were one

wherever you saw one

you saw the other

Rhythms & Beats

Working together

at the same time.

Pen To Paper ~ A Walk Into Destiny Kai Mann © 2014   (coming October 2014)A Walk Into Destiny

Watched


the closer you step to the edge

people notice

but you have to be careful

with that

because it

can go both ways

you’ll be watched

either way

but you

never know

if someone is

going to save you

so if you gonna do it

you better be doing it

for yourself

because you want to

and not nobody else~Pen To Paper ~ A Poetic Journey © Kai Mann 2014

What Else Would We Do


We can want it that way

but what else would we do with that

opposition is a good thing

it challenges you to do it better

find another way

and just

pretty much grow

It expands you

We would all be little people if we didn’t run into opposition

every once in a while

I wonder why I’m thinking about this

is it that because I’m not

up against it right now

I’m preparing myself for it

because we know it’ll come

and we have to be ready

or is it that I should

just not be careful

and let whatever happens?

Not!

No, I won’t

Tried that!

that doesn’t work

let’s think some things through

so we’ll have better outcomes

sometimes no matter how much

you’ll be prepared for it

it won’t

pretty much stop you

on the one day

you don’t have your pride

and dignity with you

when your resistance is low

and you might not be

as positive as you’ve been

preparing to be

you better take a breath

start pausing before you answer questions

not because you want to be sure

to say what they want to hear

but what you’re really feeling

in a way that’s not offensive

but truth

that no one can deny

 

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