Four or Five years ago, I had someone tell me that they thought I was aloof. I agreed with them and added that life had given me a unique skill; the skill to detach from things quickly. I could’ve at that time took what that person said as negative but I knew who I was then and I most definitely know who I am now. Life has taught me plenty of lessons but the first lesson at two years old was that people leave and everyone around will compensate in some way for that loss. The way that you compensate will either propel you into success or hurl you into defeat. The difference is if you look at what happened ‘to’ you instead of what happened ‘for’ you.
What happened for me when I was two years old would define me for the rest of my life. We can’t change what happens to us but we can decide how we will let it work for us. I consider being aloof a gift. I take pride in the fact that I can distance myself from situations and sometimes people if need be. If I had not learned that skill early on I would not have been able to accomplish all that I have thus far. Can you imagine stopping for everything that happens ‘to’ you instead of ‘for’ you? When you stop for things ‘for’ you, you understand there is a lesson in it so you look for the lesson to help propel you further in life. You use ‘it’ instead of letting it use ‘you’.
Imagine listening to every insult someone says about you or waiting for the other shoe to drop? How much can you accomplish if you’re stopping to defend yourself and your actions. I find it hard to lose ground when you keep moving. Remember, it’s hard to hit a moving target.
Often when people get distracted it’s because they are paying attention to things that don’t really matter. When they try to get back into focus they find it hard because there has been damage done. Credibility loss, lack of maturity shown, or some other flaw has been revealed. It’s okay to reveal your flaws but its best once you have overcome them.
It probably sounds cold but in the grand scheme of all things being accomplished you must learn who you are and use it to your advantage. Never let what someone says about you define you in a negative way. You decide how you will be defined and walk in it confidently.
When you try to give people something different and they respond with struggle you have to redirect your energy to those who want to listen and get something that they have never had. Sometimes we get hung up because we can’t see past the person who is delivering the goods. Maybe you’ll miss it now and get it later when you’re ready because mentally you have to be ready to lay aside judgment to get to the meat. Chewing on bones isn’t good for anyone’s teeth but we’d rather focus on the negative than to listen out for the positive…Peace
It may sound crazy but one morning I woke up with the words I Am My Sister’s Keeper seemingly etched in my brain. I told my partner how that I wanted to watch the thoughts and the words I used towards my sisters. I wanted to consciously think positive thoughts about them and how I wanted her to join me. (She probably thought that I was crazy because I literally woke up out of my sleep talking to her about this as I got of bed that morning.)
If you’ve read my poetry or any of my writings you could probably come to some conclusions about me: that I am forever working to improve myself. A couple of weeks ago I began to recognize how I am my sister’s keeper and how it is up to me to be mindful of that responsibility. I came up with the idea that I would do the same thing that author Versandra Kennebrew did in her book Thank God for the Shelter.
For two weeks now I have been wearing a rubber band around my wrist. The idea of wearing the rubber band was to be a reminder of every time I thought a negative thought about one of my sisters, said something negative out loud, or even acted in a negative way toward one of my sister; I would pop myself with the rubber band. I didn’t realize that although I may not consistently say negative words regarding my sisters out loud, I had some negative thoughts, and every time that I did, I would pop myself with the rubber band. (Let’s just say, I am not as HOLY as I thought I was…LOL)
I’ve always thought myself to be a pretty positive person. I know that I never wish anyone any harm but I realized that some of my actions were harmful, even if the recipient, my fellow sister never even knew it; I did. I wanted to have a clear conscious about my sisters because I don’t know any of their stories, why they act as they do, the journey that they’ve been on, or even the fights they’ve had to fight.
I had no idea that even my words to my partner whom I was sure thought I was crazy and would not join me on this journey but the following day she told me that she indeed had. I must say that I was very proud of the fact that she not only heard what I said but she listened and joined in. She would later tell me that on her first day she was having a bad day at work and had told a co-worker what we were doing. She told her co-worker that she was upset and even though she was not supposed to say anything negative, she began popping herself with the rubber band because she knew that she was about to. I laughed hard when she told me this because I could feel her pain.
In the upcoming days and weeks I will share some of the things that I had to pop myself with the rubber band to remind myself that I was not being a good steward over my sisters. Some of these things I would do prior to this task without a second thought. I hope that you’ll want to read more. If you do, subscribe to my blog so that you’ll receive an email every time that I post.