I had a conversation like I haven’t had in a long time. If you knew me, you’d know that I love to listen to good conversation. I wonder for a moment where that person went, it’s been so long. I used to be a good listener and last night reminded me just how much I do love it. Listening to hear the experiences of others; pieces of their journeys shared from their lips to my ears. I always get something, mostly confirmation.
I woke up this morning after listening to the most wonderful and poignant, and sincerely relevant to this current time, conversation. A conversation so real that you couldn’t help but listen. We talked about a myriad of things but what was interesting to me was to hear how deficient some of us are. Not just that, but how there are those of us who aren’t deficient in that particular area have decided to keep going. Sometimes wanting to stop to pick a few people up but the higher you go you aren’t warranted to do so. My question was “why” why are we so deficient in our thinking and ultimate doing. Why are we prone to not seek, no, require of ourselves to do more. To do better. Although I ponder that question it was stated that people don’t know. They just say and do some of the darnedest things at the darnedest times because they don’t know any better. I chuckled in amazement as in disbelief but with careful thought you realize how sad it is that we don’t know when to say and do things in its most opportune times.
The time in which we were speaking of was during interviews. Not sure how we got on the subject but we began to talk about the things people say in interviews. So candid at times it’s almost personal. Like people don’t know where to draw the line. I wondered “Don’t they have to take a personal development class in school? Don’t they have to do mock interviews anymore?” (My mind going through a series of questions?) People can’t keep just going on like this. We know that we have to do something. We don’t always know what to do but we have to do more than just not do anything. We must learn to be more strategic in what we do and say, and when to do and say it. I don’t know any other way around that.
Just as quick as I had thought about the past I began to wonder why or when did we lose the ability to do so? Then my partner questioned our friends in asking “why not still hire the person because you could see how their street skills could benefit the office?” we were speaking of a young lady who we could tell was smart but she just wasn’t office ready from her tone to her gestures. Just then our dear friends both pointed out that we don’t always have time to stop and pick others up. At some point they have to do it themselves because the train is leaving the station and we don’t know how late they will be getting to the destination. Basically, she expects if she is hiring someone for a specific position that they come ready to fulfill all of the attributes of that position. She cannot sabotage the team for one.
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Sometimes I say a silent prayer for you
I know we’re not friends
But I read your Facebook statuses and Tweets
I see your pain
Although I rarely say anything
I say a lot
Because I talk to God
In hopes that
I’m pulling for you
I posted last week how I was given the opportunity to speak to a group of young ladies. Well, during the conversation with them I asked “What is the best thing to do if I have an issue with her (pointing to their coach), talk to her or tell someone else?” Well, a couple of the girls said “tell someone else.” I then asked “Why” and one of the young ladies said “Well, wouldn’t that hurt her feelings?” I said what do you think would hurt more, me telling her (again pointing to their coach) and saying “There is something that you do that bothers me” or telling someone else, then she hears it from them and of course, have more maybe added to it?” I could see the light bulbs come on.
I told these young ladies that most of us are pretty much let go into the world without real lessons in how to be a friend so we emulate what we see others do. The awful part about this is that most of us continue to do the same when we become women.
Today, I got to thinking “When you talk behind someone’s back is it that you’re being nasty or that you really don’t want that person to know how you really feel?” The one thing that I told these young ladies is that when you tell someone how you really feel, you allow them the opportunity to fix the problem. If you don’t tell them, you don’t allow them to fix it. Giving someone the opportunity of knowing how you feel about something and even if they tell you that they can’t fix it, at least now you know that it’s something they can’t help or they don’t want to fix, either way you know the reason and you can move on from there. But in the grand scheme of things, why wouldn’t someone really try to fix something that you don’t like? It’s all about intentions. Do you want the problem to go away or not? Are you willing to fix it or not?
When we become our sister’s keepers we begin to treat each other with respect. We won’t seek to hurt each other with our words or actions. Of course, this will not happen overnight but the goal is to consciously give thought to how we should treat one another before we take action.
When you call someone friend there is a level of expectation there. How are you going to expect anything from me when you don’t even know me. You don’t even know if I’m capable of what you are expecting. I used to hate those “wait and see” people but now I get it! Impatience! I am so impatient! The Creator is working on me with that because I have to be patient and it is not easy for me to do. So I wait. But while I wait I’m going to just be me. Why not right? How could you even be my friend when you don’t even know me? In order to be friends there must be a level of communication where I not only know the names of the people in your circle because you told me but because you allowed me in your circle. That means a lot. When someone let’s you in their circle it should mean a lot because that means that you’re being trusted. Now we just let anybody in. LOL! You must love everyone and respect them as one of God’s Creatures but you ain’t really got to be their friend. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you all are enemies either, you just don’t prefer them. If someone doesn’t prefer you; you don’t have to be mad about it because everybody doesn’t like you. Who cares! For real! Who cares? You ever thought that maybe they do not deserve to be your friend because you’re special and special ain’t for everyone! LOL.
…I’m just writing.
So, we’re always told to be ourselves but it’s crazy that most of us are so afraid of being just that. Here goes. I just wanted to kind of feel bad for writing the article I just wrote for examiner because it is so biased. But I feel like Man, forget it. Somebody’s gotta say something. Are we really just gonna keep walking around and nobody’s gonna say nothing? For real. I need to be honest and just tell the truth. Something that I wish someone would’ve told me. I would’ve been a little bit more informed. It wouldn’t have took me this long to get it. And I could’ve made better choices. Do you know what I mean?
Check out the Examiner article here
You and one of your friends are having a conversation about another friend that you are no longer communicating with. You state to that friend that while the two of you are not communicating there is also a great deal of tension that exists. The friend that you are speaking to after hearing the details suggests that if it were them that they would’ve socked the friend or just went off on them. When should you seek friendship advice from another friend? Click here to read more…