InkMann Press–The Big Leap


InkMann Press—The Big Leap

Dare to declare who you are. It is not far from the shores of silence to the boundaries of speech. The path is not long, but the way is deep. You must not only walk there, you must be prepared to leap.

Hildegard Von Bingen

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This quote resonates soul deep within me. About a year and a half ago I began to feel like I had this hole inside of me that was profound but that there was this boulder that encompassed the width of it. I couldn’t figure out how to remove the boulder. I knew there was something significant that I had to do and I had to do it now. For if I did not, I was to remain forever stuck. I began to look at my life from the view in which I could see it and although I couldn’t see much, I knew that there was more that life had to offer. Even still there were some effects that I had to remove. It wasn’t as if the life I had was bad. It was good: but I knew that the door had opened to something great. And, if I didn’t step outside that door I would risk everything that I had done up until that point. I decided to leap but before I could, I had to prepare myself first.

When I was in high school I ran track and one of my categories was the long jump. I know that the technique when doing the long jump, the jump itself is only part of the process. So, in preparing to take that leap I knew there were some issues I had to clean up to maximize my distance based on my ability to increase my takeoff speed. I knew the distance between where I was and where I was going was great and I needed the gain of momentum to ensure that I would clear the landing and make it to the other side.

The process or preparation for the jump has been long and arduous. It has been one of soul searching, clearing away of old patterns, and strengthening new ones. The level I was on seem to pale in comparison to where I was going but God had given me a guide. My guide would help me see the path when I couldn’t see where to start. She gave me techniques and drilled me with every ounce of fervor in her being. She coached me into submission and at times I would not like her for it but I knew that I had an obligation to my life to step forward. Often it would give the impression that the runway had moved making it hard to know where to takeoff. I surmised that I was still not ready. I didn’t realize how unprepared I had been for the jump. The exercises were long and grueling but necessary. For some time, it would seem like my feet wanted to move but it was clear they were not ready. The hardest observation in life is wanting to be some place other than where you are but know that you lack the character, stamina, and experience to be anywhere else.

It’s been a year and half and all of the training, technique and preparation is paying off. The distance between where I am and where I want to be is closer than ever. There are still some circuits and drills I am still running but I feel better about the leap and am sure that I can make it.

InkMann Press–Paying Attention


Love, honor, and cherish the spaces that you find yourself in, for life can change rather quickly.–Kai Mann

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I have found myself in a space of take-it-all-in’edness. I know that’s not a word but it so describes the spirit I am in. I have been paying attention to what the Universe has given me privilege to partake in and to view from the seat of my own soul. Perceptions and perspectives have changed over the last twelve months allowing my spirit to open wide with transformative intentions. I would be lying if I said the entire twelve months I have gone willingly. You would have thought I would; I would’ve thought I would, but there were parts of me unwilling to open the eyes of my understanding to see past my own lids. Some things I fought against like a child holding on to its last days of childhood forbidding going into adulthood. That part of me has decreased today as the more adult me is able to talk the child into moving forward when the motion is necessary out of future pain or suffering.

 

You see, rarely do we understand that what we might feel now will not compare to what we’ll feel later if we do not move when the opportunity presents itself. If you’ve ever gotten the chance to live when others have not: or to witness life happen to someone else in a way that if misconstrued you’d get the rest of life  all wrong, then you knew that it was purpose. It was purpose that granted you access to see the view at the top of the mountain, to tell a story, to learn a lesson, or to help someone else. I thank God that I have been able to see and feel life from a different vantage point. A vantage point, that if I had not seen correctly, I would’ve missed the advantage.

 

For most of my life I hated to see people about to get into trouble, be in pain, or anything that could hurt them. I’d turn away. I couldn’t even watch a movie that I could feel the protagonist’s trouble before it happened and would get up to go do something so I wouldn’t have to watch that part of the movie. My DNA is programmed to want others to win and when it would look as if they weren’t I would turn my head away so as not to see them lose. One thing I had failed to realize was that I hated to see my own self lose. I’d turn my head away from me when I felt I was about to get into trouble, make a mistake, or be in pain just so I wouldn’t have to witness it.

 

Today what I have learned from that behavior was that the pre-warned feelings were giving me the opportunity to change course, correct my sail, or to just do something different. I hadn’t realized that my instincts were protecting me so I wouldn’t have to experience whatever trouble, mistake, or pain so drastically. Me diverting my attention or closing my eyes would cause the most intense pain because I’d still have to drive right through it even with eyes wide shut making the devastation much worse.

 

On a different street but in the same neighborhood I too realized that shying away from the experiences of others would leave me hallow. To live life as a shell of a person who lacked depth because she had denied herself the privilege of experiencing life through the eyes of another. I can’t say that it has been easy but the connections I have made just opening myself up to experiencing my own life, as well as the lives of others, has added value to my soul. No longer will I allow myself to miss out on the moments for fear that they may turn ugly, when all of life is so beautiful.

Conversations With Kai Mann


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Host: Kai Mann
Bio
As a writer and conversationalist she is both positive and purposeful. Her keen ability to provoke thought, trigger change and enlighten the lives of others has catapulted her to a literary and media success. Whether it’s in the form of a blog post or article, Facebook status or tweet, internet talk show or webseries, Kai Mann uses her platform to empower and educate followers around the world about the nature of self love, self growth, and the importance of self equity that leads to authentic change and infinite transformation.