This post sat in my drafts since November 2021.
2021 has been my personal year of Nine. The year 9 represents the end of a nine-year cycle. A time to liberate one’s self from all unnecessary people and things in your life. A time to clear out and release bad memories, ideas, clothes, material things and bad friends. Since 2012 I have been in a cycle of “Letting Go”. Letting go of relationships, jobs, behaviors and a few other things. Some things I wasn’t sure I was ready to let go of but they in turn let go of me. But, for most of these nine years I realize that I had been doing this unconsciously.
Somewhere below the surface I had been tired. Unsure of where to go or what to do next something inside of me knew that it was time to go to the next phase, but I didn’t know what that even looked like. Sometimes that meant me holding on to things that I no longer wanted, not sure if I was really ready to do something different so there I sat. If I tell you that I’ve transformed more times than most people do in a lifetime it really wouldn’t do me or my life justice, but I have. It is not because of boredom, but a need to move with the waning tide that rolls within me. It’s cyclical and I can feel it. I begin to feel challenged by certain aspects in life which then makes me contemplate if this is still the road I need to be on. My creativity dies or the fire that was once lit goes out. Mostly it feels like being on a train that’s pulling into your next station and you feel like you want to get off but you’re not sure if you should. What I am learning is to trust when I begin to feel this way that it is most definitely time for me to get off. Boy, being a Scorpio is not for the faint of heart.
When I gaze into the rear-view mirror of my life, I can see that I was born to “let go”. There has been a sense of detachment ever since I can remember. When I started studying my birth chart, I could see why I felt this way. I understand my detachment, why I have a need to clear out my closets, why I get tired during certain times of the year, why I tend to be the pack leader, why things move me so and why I’m an introvert.
Sometimes when we need to let go, we don’t because we don’t know how, or we’re afraid of making the wrong move. I didn’t really know how to let go but the Universe caught on to my frequency and most of the things began to fall away. Now, here I sit.
Kai Mann 