Taking a full stroll through my life and I can’t help but notice all of the transformations on the journey. I asked earlier this morning, “What am I to do” while in the shower.
I’ve been working on my karma. I want to fulfill the destiny to all my past and current karma. Some would say debt but I like to call it destiny because what you put out is destined to come back.
Meditation. It can be anything. It can be sitting at your alter, lighting, candles and incense and writing. It can be chanting your intentions, specific words, your “I am’s”, or eyes closed seated with your legs crossed or whatever. It is a time of meditating on something that places you in an alternate space of gratitude and reverence. I am reminded that as I move forward I often ask “What am I to do” and within the hour I usually get my answer. As I sit here and write I hear “This is what you do.” So I will. I won’t hold much because I understand with my sun sign in my 1st House that the most transformed will be me. I’ll be transformed by what I allow. By what I do, and what I let touch me from the inside out. I would say that I write it down to remember but I hardly ever go back. However, like my dreams I think the best ones stick around and help me to move forward so I can keep going but like Deja vus they are soon remembered again after they begin to happen. A place, a person or a thing shows up and then “Oh yeah now I remember” My goal is to know why I’m remembering and how it helps because they feel like clues. Like something I need to know and that I should really pay attention to. I used to be afraid to write like this and share it. I’ve always written like this though. It just makes sense to me. I’ve always written my thoughts down when I could. I think to get them out of my head and into action. And part of me also knows that whosoever shall find these words and like finding a good wife, will find a good thing. It feels funny to say that because we’re taught that we’re considered to be cocky or whatever word you can think of such as arrogant, when we talk about what we give or leave as a legacy as good. And so, you must be humble but humility does not say to itself that it isn’t good or that it isn’t genius. It just is. No good person shares it’s worst purposefully. When we’re sharing with others we’re usually sharing our best. So how can that be arrogant in so much as that we need to be humble of what we say we give is a good thing. The thing about that too depends upon the time that you’re sharing. Your best is determined by where you’re at. Your mindset, how you think. So although you tend to give your best it can also be a limited version of what’s best because of your mindset.
My outlook on life as well as my definition of success is changing often. For the past 6-7 months my definition of success has been changing as a matter of fact, without me being totally aware of it. If I had to think back it’s been changing even longer than 6-7 months. The word “productive” has been sketched in my mind for so long that I have been fighting to be “productive” or what I thought was being productive in one area but have come to realize that being productive can mean something totally different. Being productive releases a certain outcome and it depends upon the outcome you’re looking for and my outcome looks like me being able to write from the spirit or soul. That place so deep that it’s more than just from the heart. That place that sometimes you’ve got to yank it out and others you just merely speak. Sometimes I feel like how maybe Terence McKenna and Alan Watts felt. Not that we are the same or speak the same or think the same exact things but the thought of being authentic in what you speak that you don’t care what it sounds like to others but you feel its truth within your being and you can’t help but share it. And you’re not in judgement of those who get it or not.
The word productivity is changing for me. For me it is productive to take time to think, to slow down, light candles, meditate, pray, listen to music, watch a movie, or whatever. Whether you feel productive or not comes from your perception about an act. Have you ever stopped everything to sit and watch a movie and when it’s done you got something from it? You got an answer to a prayer, request or petition? That could be productive. Being productive is part of the process but often we’ve been taught what that process should look like and when we’re being productive we have to always be doing things we don’t want to do. I think the most successful person is the person whose outcomes or results are exactly what they wanted. The most successful person knows how to use all the things that life throws at them, allows themselves to feel the emotions and moves through those things like a wave in an ocean no matter how the wind blows it. They know how to flow through the process because they understand that all of it is productive.
To allow yourself to watch a movie, write, take a bubble bath, binge on a tv show, lie around in bed or whatever and then feel guilty does nothing but produces more guilt. You begin to call yourself lazy but if you’ve gotten some rest, got an idea, or was able to release something is that not productive? I know some would say, “But what if you didn’t get anything from it.” Then I’d say you need to ask yourself why you did it? Doesn’t everyone want to live a good life? Well, most of them anyway. There are some that want to kill themselves from time to time. But if you want to live and have a good life isn’t it profitable and even productive to do all of it, and get something from it. I too believe everyone wants a good life. Yes, a good life is perspective. Some could want Gold and jewels. Some could want to have a nice comfortable home they could live in forever with a nice car. Some want to see the whole entire world and others just want to go to Jamaica. We make people feel unsuccessful if they want something different and say they’re less productive but if you can master the life you want to have I say that’s being productive. Yes, there are levels on the journey to having a successful life and there are different levels to each individual’s path to having a successful life and on each level we have to transform. Many people don’t know that the key to knowing how you’ll transform is based upon your Astrological chart. We all have the transformational planet Pluto in our chart as well as the transformative sign of Scorpio so we all transform but for each of us we have our own unique way of doing so.
I was trying to find an answer to something and came across my old Astrology posters that I wrote out before doing the “Lifestrology” videos. Boy, Oh Boy! The Lesson is beginning, I can feel it.
So right now I know what I am to do. But now I need to know how. I pulled out the Saturn, 6th House and Aries posters and by doing this it just showed me how.
My Saturn is in the 6th house of work, service to others, health and wealth. So this is what I have to get now. I gotta get this in order to have a successful life.
My Saturn is in the 6th House in the sign of Aries.
Aries likes to start shit but don’t like to finish it. The 6th House is about perfecting, mastering or being successful in your area of work, service to others, health and wealth.
Saturn will teach me how to master it.
Aries, the positives; it signifies new beginnings, is ruled by Mars so it always gravitates toward action. The negative is that what is defined as action can be both helpful and harmful.
Aries is also headstrong and will take risks and is always all in. The negative: they rarely finish what they start. They spend their energy in too many places. So these are things to watch out for. I’ll need to have a plan of what I’ll do when this happens and know what my desired outcome is. Seems like a lot of work I know but you’re doing it anyway, why not have it be “productive”. LOL!
So now my Saturn in Aries lets me know my gifts as well as my under-developed strengths.
Gifts: Adventurous, Pioneering (This is why I’m always doing new things), Gravitate towards action and I got Heart.
Under-Developed Strengths: Don’t finish what you start, short patience and spend energy in too many places.
Saturn is teaching me in the area of work, service to others, and health and wealth. It is teaching me the rules about being adventurous, pioneering, taking action and having heart. And that I have to watch out for not finishing things, the benefits of being patient and spending energy in only what’s necessary and bring me the most profit. Hold on, I know what you’re thinking, but spending time with family is profitable. You leave deposits with those you spend time with and hopefully when you need a withdrawal it will be profitable. You give of time worth more than money to those in need and what that looks like for each of us is different but that too is profitable when you are calling out to the Universe, Source, the Planets, Stars and “All” it too will be profitable.
So, Saturn wants to show me how to be disciplined because that is the 1st rule. You can’t have a successful life if you are not disciplined. But you must know that being disciplined is listening to yourself too. You know the voice, it’s a specific one. Not the one that makes you feel bad about yourself either.
I know you want to know “When”. When do you know how to be patient or be pioneering. When you’re not going to finish or you’re being patient. Wherever you are, now is as good a place as any to learn the answer to that and the best thing about that is you have past experience as a guide.
Think of the times you’ve been impatient, their outcomes and ask yourself are they different from what you wanted and if so, what is the difference?
This is talking to yourself. And it’s okay to answer. They want you to feel crazy for doing so, so you don’t move to the next level. Who are they? Those that don’t want you to go, could even be “you”. You can be a “those” or a “they” for that matter.
Learn the effects certain foods have on your body, the way certain music makes you feel and the only way to do this is to study yourself. This too is a part of being productive and have a successful life. It is a deeper level of self awareness so that you can master the life that you came to live.
I just got the thought about Karma and how it can come back strong and to be ready if that happens because you don’t know how it affected the other person. It may be in ways that you hadn’t expected but own it. Own whatever that looks like. It can be scary in a heart pounding loudly, wanna faint way. But let it be what it is. That too is part of life. Deal with it so that you can move on because if you can’t, you won’t.
I see my birthday on the clock a lot. I’m being reborn.
Remember, don’t let them tell you what you can do.
Kai Mann 