I like my privacy so much so that even though I work on the 4th floor I use the bathroom on the 3rd floor because there are less offices on that floor which means less people in the bathroom. (That’s just the precursor) Well, yesterday I walked down the stairs to the 3rd floor and down to the end of the hall to the restroom and handled my business. The next thing I knew I was opening the door inside the stairwell to the 4th floor only I wasn’t sure of where I was when I did. For about 2-3 seconds I was lost. I didn’t recognize the hallway and then I did. When I realized that I was now on the 4th floor about to enter the office to where I work, I walked in.
If any of you know me, you know that my mother suffered from alzheimers for over twenty years and had been diagnosed around the age of 53. I’m 49. Well anyway, of course that was the first thought that entered my puzzled mind as I opened the door to the office. My face must’ve been still puzzled when a co-worker asked me if I was okay. I told her what happened and she said I do that all of the time driving to work. I said “Yes, I’ve done it driving lots of times too” but I guess you can do it walking as well, it’s just that it has never happened to me before.” Even still, I chose to go with that instead of the alzheimers theory.
This morning when I got up I thought about the events that occurred the day before in between thoughts of other thoughts. Suddenly I became aware that my thoughts have been all over the place for a few months some finished and some unfinished; and that maybe yesterday’s event was a reset or reboot. I began to think about how many times we go through life on auto-pilot ending up somewhere we know but for some reason can’t recognize only because we have no clue of how we got there. Funny thing is, I’ve been in what I thought was a state of “mindfulness” trying to be mindful of all my intentions and forgetting to be mindful of the moment.
In my day to day any moment that I have in between work (theirs, mine, and the others) I try to stay on top of things and utilize every moment to do something else. The only problem with that is that I am not making time for myself. I’m bombarding myself with everything that I have to do while missing the moments to appreciate the things that I have done and where I am at now; physically, spiritually, and mentally. All I know is, I’ve got to do better. Yesterday’s wake up call leads me to believe that I need to harness the ‘Power of Now‘. I think this weekend I’ll take the time be still.
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Kai Mann 