I’ve been taking a part my life lately and I can see how things would’ve been different if I chose a different path. Although I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve made some serious sacrifices, my belief is that the reward will be in line with my purpose. In the end I know that the fruit will bear witness to the sacrifice. As a matter of fact, I believe that my life is in Divine Order.
When I began to take a part the fabric of my life I saw first how I’ve moved in the world. I saw how I’ve mastered the skill of detachment. A gift given to me when I was about two years old and have since perfected. Many people would not see being detached as a gift but a flaw. A character flaw no doubt because most people associate being detached with being aloof or an unloving act. That couldn’t be farthest from the truth. When someone detaches from you it doesn’t mean that they don’t love you, it just means there is something more at work.
When we realize that there is something more at work we can see that every one of us on the planet has a specific job to do. Each job comes with different tasks as well as different set of skills needed to carry out the purpose or plan. The job or purpose of some seems to lack value when you look at them individually, but when you take a look at it as a whole you’ll see that it is all part of a bigger plan.
There have been times when I for sure knew what the plan was and drove head long towards the mark. Then there were times that I felt like I was losing or as if what I was doing was wrong. But when I looked deeper I was able to see the vision with purpose in mind. The doubt has since subsided and now I am willing to look ridiculous to get something I’ve never had but I know that I want.
Since I’ve been dissecting myself, I’m finding the intricacies of how I work, and how I operate best. I could not have done this work without going within to that deep place inside.
In the beginning that deep place inside felt alone and I didn’t understand fully why it needed to be that way. Once I reconciled that I needed to be alone, I knew that I would have less distraction and could work on me and put my energy and focus into me. That’s when I began to feel differently. I sought the knowledge of self so that I could get back to self. The self I had lost through trial and error. While alone, I dealt with the things that could’ve left me scarred forever, feeling guilty and ashamed. Especially at times when I wasn’t as strong and positive as I had always appeared to be. But, no matter how hard it was I was determined to do it. I was determined to deal with my issues for my future self and for the future people that would get to experience me because I now wanted to give my best self to the world.
As I sat many times before, I questioned what the best me would look like and what that person would have to offer. Then it came to me that before I could offer anything to the world, I first needed healing. Healing from all of the things that has happened to turn my world inside out, a healing that only comes from the core. The kind of healing that you can only get from forgiveness. Not the forgiveness of anyone else but you. A required forgiveness from within.
Most of us hardly ever think to forgive ourselves for things that we’ve done to us; but we even forget to forgive ourselves for things that others have done to us, or things that we have allowed to happen to us. Most of all, we need to forgive ourselves for the things that almost destroyed us and kept us from moving to a new dimension. Once we have done that, then and only then can we start to become our best selves.
That too would not be easy. but the first step to forgiving was to deal with all of the issues. Although uncomfortable I had a need to get down to the core of the issue because I knew that issues that weren’t dealt with would cause discomfort. The mere fact that something would cause discomfort is a clue that I must not only look at it but I had to do my best to find a way through it. When I began to work through my issues I began to strengthen my core. My foundation worked to become rock solid because I always wanted to do my best.
Most people think Divine Order is a perfect life without mistakes or flaws but that is so untrue. Divine Order is a continual process that allows for mistakes as well as correction. Divine Order is the process in which it takes from conception until the return to spirit. It is all Divine Order since it all is of the spirit.
Kai Mann 