>Same Space Different Place

>As I often do, I look back over my writings and they pretty much all say the same things.  Different places, different times but the same result.  I can not live in this insanity that I have created for myself.  I put myself here time & time again.  It’s time to take a different route, make a new plan, and stick to it.  I am going to give myself at least six months before engaging into anything new.  I plan to write my thoughts down daily and while I’m down and out of comission, plan the years ahead.  This time I see no one by my side but me doing things alone.  Remembering that I am not really alone but the Creator is with me.  It’s time to become one with the Spirit so that I may hear the steps that he is ordering and the path to be taken.  My goal is to be able to hear the Spirit when it speaks and to obey.  It is this way and the only way that I can be prosperous.  My walk has been shaky with the Creator though always being near to catch me when I’ve fallen.  The one thing that has truly been missing is my Spiritual oneness with God.  From time to time I have delved into my spirituality but did not desire the deepness of it.  If I had, I would not have been in this space in any given place.  Forgive me Lord for I have sinned.  Time & time again I have put others before you and I am ashamed.  I pray that you will forgive me and come back into my life as my Father, my friend, my confidant, and anything else that I might need, but especially my comforter.  Comfort me, Oh Lord!  Hear me now as I write these words to you.  Give me back my loving spirit of people and towards things of importance.  I ask you to heal my body, my mind, and my broken spirit.  Mend my heart with extra thread, give me a tougher spirit so that I may endure, cleanse my mind so that I may be renewed.  Make me and mold me into what you would have me to be.  I desire financial prosperity, emotional prosperity, and prosperity of health.  Open my eyes so that I may see.  I want to see people, places, and things as they are and not for what I want them to be.  Looking through the rose colored glasses that has brought many tears, shame, disappointment, dismay, and no peace.   I ask for peace this day Lord.  I ask for a calmness to come over me and a peace to deliver me.  You said that I could do all things through Christ which strengthens me.  In the days ahead I will seek you out like a stranger in the night.  I will read your word as to comfort my soul.  I will sit and meditate on you and ask for clarity and not confusion.  Lord, I’ve messed up and now I come back to you to lay down at your feet all of my problems and woes.  I tried things my way and they don’t work, now I must try yours.  Thank you for the life that I have had, for without the mistakes I’ve made I would not be coming to you now.  I don’t have all the answers, I am not perfect, and truth be told I am not sure which way is up but I know that I must get up.  I must get up, brush myself off, and try again.  This time trying a different way, a new way, as a matter of fact, your way.  There is no way else to do it. I understand that you give us a free will to do as we please but I’d rather do it your way and know that it is right than to do my own & realize it was wrong.  I thank you for the experiences that you have allowed me to go through.  Through these experiences I have gained knowledge, wisdom, and understanding.  Now when I say “I got that”, I really do.  Eight years out here on my own I feel like Moses & the Children of Egypt roaming through the wilderness.  I don’t want to be wandering in the wildernes;  Not alone and not at all. I’m leaving the wilderness behind.